He's spent our down payment and I have a month to move!

Thanks Foxxee! (weird, I'm not used to spelling it that way lol) The last time he overspent on racing stuff I did tell him to start selling stuff, he pitched a fit and said I was trying to make him quit...I didn't care about it...he was worthless, and a whole lot of other words I wouldn't repeat here even if they were allowed! It is a hard situation all the way around but it's the situation I got myself stuck in so...there are many times when I consider just ending it and doing what I can on my own but then I remember that he owns absolutely everything and I get discouraged.

I can understand that. I been there. I would honestly try to start being more dependent. I would prepare yourself for the future. If he owns everything and something was to happen and you were to separate, you would be left in a bigger bind. Try to build yourself up. It's important that you can feel in charge of your own life. If you don't think it will work out, I would start putting money back, that he doesn't know about, a small amount and just have it, just in case it doesn't work out, that way you have something to start over with and to help you get on your feet. Don't stay in a relationship if you are not happy. DO what you feel would be healthier for you. Just because he owns everything doesn't mean you have to stay. Don't let that hang over your head. Some thing's are better off. Good luck though. I'm sure it will all fall into place soon.

Thanks so much for the hug! Sometimes that's the only thing to "say".

Sorry about the honesty, I know I can be blunt sometimes. Not always on purpose, although sometimes I think some women need a very blunt, in your face response to wake them up (I am a welfare caseworker and frequently deal with abused, controlled and neglected women.) Anyhow, my whole point was you need to decide what you want to do and go from there. There are shelters and women's centers where you can go to get help. A single woman with a small child should not be out on the streets and you probably will get preference for help with housing. Stay strong.

I think you know the answer to "the really big question" as well as I do. No it isn't the first time. I don't know how I feel anymore and I doubt that's a good sign. I would love to in charge of things, I think it would make a big difference. He doesn't see it that way. You gave the kind of response that I appreciate and at the same time hate for it's honesty! :) But yes, I definitely have a lot of thinking and soul searching to do.

Been there, done that, twice. I know just what you mean. As I said, I know you are not asking for advice and even if I gave it, I know I would not have listened to it. You do whatever it is you have to do, but just be careful and most importantly take care of yourself and those kids.

Sadly I'm either too optimistic or a slow learner! This isn't the first time something like this has happened. It's been a rocky 6 years of this kind of thing and many times the only thing keeping me with him is that I didn't want to "break" another family. My divorce from my ex-hubby was hard on my oldest 3 children and I really didn't want to do that to the little ones we have together BUT the more I look at it, we don't have much of a "family" together as it is so they probably wouldn't even notice the change.

If you think you were angry....just imagine how I felt. I haven't even spoken to him since finding all this out. What is he going to do about it? I don't know, to him I guess HE doesn't have to worry about it, HE has a place to live since his 62 year old parents are pretty much resigned to the fact that he has no desire to be a responsible adult and have worked 3 jobs between them to support him and his oldest son for the 5 years they've lived there...ok there go my emotions again! No I can't stay here and I don't have family that can help out either. He can't get a second job because of the way his job schedule is. He works 12 hour swing shift. It's a crazy schedule. And lately he's been talking like he hates the fact that he has to work at all. I would love to take over the finances and have talked to him many times about it but he just shuts me out every time. He says we can't have a budget because there isn't enough money to budget, he says he's broke all the time as it is, he says it won't make a difference who has control over the money because it still won't be enough to cover expenses, he says it's his money anyway since HE's the one that earned it....I could go on and on with the excuses but honestly none of them really make any sense if you could see the whole picture. Are the race carS, yes cars as in more than one, making any money? That's a big fat HAHA! He barely makes enough money to drive to the track never mind parts, tires, racing fuel, admission oh and now he has a vendetta against another driver and plans to claim the other guys motor tomorrow night at a cost of $500! (he told me this before I found out how much money he's already spent)His reason is that it's a good deal because the motor is worth more than that. I don't care if it's a $10,000 motor, he doesn't need to spend another $500 if we don't even have a place to live! Anyway, after tomorrow I should have 3 days of being able to keep to myself and do some thinking so hopefully I can figure something out. I considered just packing up and moving in with him at his parents house without their approval hoping they would hit the roof but there is literally no more room there. They've been doing some renovating so right now there are 3 adults, a teenager, and two little boys living out of 2 bedrooms, 1 bathroom, and a combo living room/kitchen. He sleeps on the couch now. Somehow it will be alright, just because I can't see the answers right now doesn't mean there aren't any. It's not the first time I've had to struggle and I'm sure it won't be the last. Struggles make us stronger....I'll just keep repeating all that to myself! Thanks so much, if I need to talk, you will hear from me!

thanks nica...I'm sorry he's selfish too! I should have learned this by now but for some reason I kept thinking "This time he'll come through, he won't let me down again." I guess some people really don't ever change though. I'm still hopeful...no, I KNOW things will work out just probably not in the way I thought.

Just a suggestion - what if you kept the down payment $$ in your account? If you don't have one, maybe you should open an account just for that reason. Anyway, just a suggestion. =)