Are you ready to settle down and start a family?

@tala91285 (1080)
Philippines
May 25, 2007 2:56am CST
My boyfriend already asked me to marry him. I want to and I agreed too but whenever I'd think about it, I get second thoughts about whether I'm ready to give up my freedom and enter a commitment or not. After our talk about this, I already could picture us getting married and having kids.. but not anytime soon. What are your thoughts on this? Are you ready to settle down?
6 people like this
18 responses
@angela2006 (1846)
• China
25 May 07
you are so lucky.I want to marry but we have no money,we can not settle down now.I and my boyfriend all want to marry now,but we are so poor,and we have to go on our study,if marry,then it may decrease our study time.
3 people like this
@tala91285 (1080)
• Philippines
25 May 07
Me and my boyfriend both have not graduated from college yet..so we also don't have money and neither are we working. He wants us to get married as soon as we can, but I want to wait until I'm 27-30 years old (I'm 21, by the way)... sometimes I don't feel like I'm ready yet..
2 people like this
@jencai (3415)
• Philippines
6 Jun 07
At this moment of my life I feel I'm ready to settle down and start to create my own family. Unfortunately my boyfriend don't feel the same way with me. He never proposed to me yet until now. I feel frustrated for it, I wanted to but he didn't. Sigh.. Anyway, maybe he's just not ready financially. I would try to understand him as much as I can. In your case I can see clearly that you're not that ready to marry your boyfriend. Goodluck to both of us!
2 people like this
@tala91285 (1080)
• Philippines
6 Jun 07
I'm trying to ready myself and my boyfriend is helping me. He is very supportive and he doesn't want to rush me into doing things that he feels I'm not ready for yet. In our case, I guess I'm the one who wants to be financially stable first before getting married ^_^
1 person likes this
@cassiezm (89)
• Philippines
5 Jun 07
At this time..I am not really ready entering to marriage or heading another step for our relationship...Not only being ready as "ready" means but before getting marry I want to know the "me" first..I want to discover more about life..I want to be really ready enough when I would be in that situation..Like the values that I would be teaching to my kids and not just being a mom, a mother but ready to be a wife , a partner in life to my husband..That day would come that I want my husband would be thankful and proud that I would become his wife because I have everything that a man would dream to become their own..And it is a long time relationship that you should really be sure and prepared about it..=]
@tala91285 (1080)
• Philippines
5 Jun 07
I think about those too.. I want my boyfriend to be really proud of me when the time comes that we have to get married. I haven't thought about children yet, but now that you mentioned it, I'd probably try to raise them in the best way that I can think of - not too strict, not too loose. I want my boyfriend never to regret making me his wife ^_^
1 person likes this
@huilee (1010)
• Singapore
4 Jun 07
I guess that age does matters... Perhaps im only 21, i think that im already ready to settle down... But the eacutal fact is that me and my bf cant because we are not financially stable... We very much love too... I guess having plans pays an important part too... So start planning and saving up for the rainy days... To me, we are trying to save up, but it really gets pretty tough at times... =) I hope in the near future we can settle down... Good luck and all the best o u too...
2 people like this
@tala91285 (1080)
• Philippines
5 Jun 07
At least you've already made up your mind about wanting to settle down.. I think that's great! Although money really is a big problem nowadays.. Me and my boyfriend are trying to save up to in case we decide to get married already ^_^
1 person likes this
• Philippines
31 May 07
If you are having doubts.. do not accept his proposal.. You must enjoy first your freedom.. Getting married means having to see him everyday and spending your whole life with him.. Are you ready for that? It means you cannot behave like a single chick when you got married.. Marriage comes with full responsibility, are you ready for that too?.. If not, then don't.. There's a right time for everything, and if that comes you will be ready and not having doubts..
2 people like this
@tala91285 (1080)
• Philippines
31 May 07
Well I do enjoy my freedom. My boyfriend lets me because he doesn't want me to feel too tied up. He lets me do the things that I want. But at the same time, I don't do anything that would suggest that I'm not interested in our relationship. We compromise a lot and we really want to live together already. With the responses I got from this discussion, I think I know what I want to do already.. Thanks!
1 person likes this
@Gemmygirl1 (2870)
• Australia
28 May 07
I don't think you're ready either - i don't want to sound rude but you think you'll lose freedom & enter a commitment but you shouldn't think of it like that. The fact you have a boyfriend that i assume you have been with fairly long term, means there is already commitment there. As for the freedom part, well what would that piece of paper change that differs from the way you are now? Technically you're no different now than you would be when you're married. I guess you need to look at how long you've been together & if you want to stay with him coz marriage is usually the next step. I have already settled down - although i am not married, i have a loving partner of 9 years, a gorgeous baby girl & a home, that's about as settled as you'll get! Deciding to get married is entirely up to you but you already said you would marry him so what difference would it make to you or the relationship if you did it sooner or later??? Good luck!
@tala91285 (1080)
• Philippines
28 May 07
I guess the thought of marriage itself scares me. Plus the thought of giving up part of my freedom in the sense that I can't really just do things without consulting my partner first. Then there's the thought of having kids... I feel as if I'd be tied down more if I start raising a family..
1 person likes this
@nandhinir (154)
• India
27 May 07
Hi...Getting married is commitment..You can postpone your marriage because once if you get married na you cannot regain your freedom in bachelor life...So think a while and plan yourself.
2 people like this
@tala91285 (1080)
• Philippines
27 May 07
Yeah that's what I'm doing. It's a good thing my boyfriend is patient ^_^
1 person likes this
@FenwaySox (321)
• United States
26 May 07
Here's the thing...marriage is something that is very situational. I got married for the 1st time when I was 24. I had the fairytale wedding and everything. I got divorced, married again and had my son with my 2nd husband. He and I divorced when our son was 2. All is awesome now for all involved, but make sure you are TOTALLY COMFORTABLE when the time comes...marriage is delicate.
@tala91285 (1080)
• Philippines
27 May 07
I guess it is. It can fall apart with just a blink of an eye. Although here in the Philippines, it isn't that easy to break up a marriage. People can separate, have other partners, but technically, they're still married. We don't have divorce, just annulment and it takes a really really long time (plus a lot of money) to get your marriage annulled. So couples more often than not end up compromising or staying together for the sake of the kids and stuff..
1 person likes this
@katkat3 (426)
25 May 07
It's hard to take that step! I wouldn't know from experience but I can imagine going from having that freedom to making such a big commitment! My boyfriend and I have already decided that there is no point in getting married - I mean both our mothers have been married a few times. I think that having children is a bigger commitment and is another way to show your love. We've discussed it and I think we're both ready to settle down now.... :0)
@tala91285 (1080)
• Philippines
26 May 07
That's good to hear! At least, unlike me, you've already accepted marriage as a commitment that can't just end when you're tired of it..at least not here in the Philippines...we don't have divorce ^_^
1 person likes this
25 May 07
i remember my boyfriend asking me to marry him and i was feeling the excact same as you. i ended up telling him that i wanted a long engagement to make sure that we were really as happy as we thought and he agreed. so far i been with him for 10 years now and we are only just talking about getting married as im now pregnant (although that sounds terrible. i personally think that it doesnt matter about a bit of paper
2 people like this
@tala91285 (1080)
• Philippines
25 May 07
He's planning that we live together for a few years before we get married, but most Filipinos, my family especially, don't really approve of that kind of setting. Also, I kind of don't want to be a live-in couple... I guess I'm just being too traditional and conservative, but that's how my family raised me..
1 person likes this
@020788 (78)
• Philippines
25 May 07
Indulging oneself to something sacred such as matrimony has to be taken seriously. One just doesn't need to have second thought about it but a million times or even more. We all know that marriage is a gift from the One who created us. Once we marry someone, ideally, we are expected to sustain that relationship through thick and thin no matter what will happen. We vow and we solemnly pledge under the reign of God during the ceremony and we should be keeping it throughout our existence. It's really not easy to affirm or to negate a proposal especially when it was done by your special someone. Of course, it's expected that you will have mixed emotions towards the act. One couldn't understand if he/she is to feel glad, sad, excited, worried, or whatever. But one thing that should be kept in mind, just as for me, that's TRUST! If one would say that he/she's ready, then she really is. There will be no hesitations in mind. NO IF'S NO BUT'S. If one is ready, he/she is firm in having such decision and is not thinking of anything else except to just let everything flow if that's gonna' make him/her happy. Now, I can say that you're not yet ready to settle with your boyfriend. Don't take everything in a rush, just move forward one step at a time. And let's say you'll finally come to the point that you don't have second, third, or zillionth thoughts about getting tied on your boyfriend - then, that's the time that you could answer your loved one's proposal. ME? I really don't have any plans yet. A lot of things are still to be done. I am not yet ready in all aspects whether emotionally, financially, spiritually and everything so as my partner. I have a target date on when to get married but I just hope I can grant that!
@tala91285 (1080)
• Philippines
25 May 07
I know that I'm not ready yet... There's still a part of me that doesn't want to be tied down by marriage. I love my boyfriend and all to the point that I can see myself growing old with him, but when you say marriage...that's an entirely different story for me. Sometimes I know that he is having a hard time dealing with my fickle-mindedness, but at least, he understands. Well I hope he does..
1 person likes this
@dons626 (404)
• Philippines
7 Jun 07
Hi Tala! When i was your age i didnt think of getting married yet. Marriage is a lifetime commitment, remember there's no divorce here in the Philippines. You're still young, if your boyfriend really loves you he will consider thinking of your future together. Better finish college first and save money. Talk to your boyfriend to give you at least 3 years, enough time for the both of you to graduate, work and earn money then decide to tie the knot together. Don't rush things or might end up blaming each other. Ask for your parents opinion. Be open minded with what they will gonna say. I believe that parents knows best :) also pray, it helps :)
1 person likes this
@tala91285 (1080)
• Philippines
7 Jun 07
I did ask him for a few years time, to ready myself and to make sure that I know what I'm getting myself into... Well, I guess I need time to fully mature and to grow as a person that could truly give whatever my husband would need. He told me that I could have all the time that I need and that he'd be happy as long as I'm with him. We'll probably talk to our parents a couple of years from now.. It's still way to early to talk to them hehehe ^_^
@dons626 (404)
• Philippines
7 Jun 07
You know what? your boyfriend is such a nice guy. Most guys his age are possessive. He trusts you that he gives you freedom, and he gives you time to think. Good luck to the both of you :)
1 person likes this
@tala91285 (1080)
• Philippines
10 Jun 07
He is a nice guy and I really feel lucky because we ended up together ^_^ Thanks!
@el_jeffo (751)
• Philippines
25 May 07
Oh, I understand how you feel. I'm not exactly sure what I'd do when I get kids either. I've seen my parents have trouble taking care of my youngest brother back when he was still a baby, and they both looked so stressed. People say having children is the best gift, and I agree, but it really does suck the freedom out of you.
1 person likes this
@tala91285 (1080)
• Philippines
25 May 07
The children are also a cause of my doubts about settling down, but those come later in the marriage. I'm quite certain that my anxiety mainly lies in marriage itself. Although I'd love to live my life with my boyfriend, being a wife still kind of unnerves me. It's like a whole new world that I'd enter.. I'm kind of scared, honestly.. Even though he assured me that nothing much would change between us since we are already like husband and wife.. He already asked me to marry him a lot of times, and every time I'd say yes, but when he asks when, I suddenly think twice..
1 person likes this
@el_jeffo (751)
• Philippines
25 May 07
Well, I'm sure that if you really love each other, and as long as it stays that way, your boyfriend wouldn't mind not getting married right away, as long as you stay by each other's side :)
1 person likes this
@tala91285 (1080)
• Philippines
25 May 07
I sure do hope so...
1 person likes this
@nitzel (79)
• Philippines
12 Jun 07
You should get married when you're ready. With what you've written, it is clear that you are not ready to settle down. When I decided to tie the knot, I was 101% sure that I will build my world around my husband and children. It is the most rewarding experience in a woman's life. The fullfilment of a dream. Then again, it's a personal choice. How will you know when you're ready? You just will.
1 person likes this
@tala91285 (1080)
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
So it's like you just wake up one day and realize that you're ready to get married? Just like that? Do you tell your boyfriend that you're ready or you wait for him to ask again?
@nitzel (79)
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
When you're already bored with hanging out on bars, clubbing, and when you feel that you have already accomplished what you want to achieve in your life, you will feel a certain longing to share your life permanently with someone who means so much to you. You would long to have a family of your own, raise your own kids and take your life into the next level. Maybe what i'm saying is that when you're mentally and emotionally matured, you'll be ready. But as i've said before, It's a choice. Take your time and just think it through.
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Jun 07
i have been with my boyfriend 6 yrs. we have a little girl together who be 5 in october i want to get married but he was married once before and says once is enough no more we have been happy living together as my boyfriend says it just a piece of paper.so im waiting to see if he changes his mind . go with your feelings if your not ready then your not ready
1 person likes this
@tala91285 (1080)
• Philippines
13 Jun 07
Isn't it hard though? To have a family yet no marriage..?
• Norway
27 May 07
How old are you, and how long have you and your boyfriend been togheter?
1 person likes this
@tala91285 (1080)
• Philippines
28 May 07
We've been friends (and secretly in love) with each other for 4 years. We're almost a year into our relationship now. We're still young, so I'm not really rushing things, but he told me that he wants us to get married as soon as we can..
1 person likes this
@ank_47 (1963)
• India
18 Apr 09
we are already married ,but waiting for a kid. he is well settled before marriage and i don;t have objection before marriage for waiting also. he only told to get married soon and so we married and just want to plan for our future.
@jlamela (4908)
• Philippines
8 Apr 09
Yes, very ready.LOL!but no man seems interested to pop a magic question that requires a "yes" answer, so how could that be?