"He wants a Mistress!"

@zandi458 (27948)
Malaysia
May 30, 2007 1:36am CST
How to handle mid-life crises? It can affect any man aged 20 to 60 and can rip your family apart. Women are more sensitive to emotional changes, men who are going through it often don't even know what's happening to them. If your spouse suddenly starts colouring his hair or splurging on fast cars, would this cause a concern to you? Are these things just a passing fancy you can overlook- do they signal trouble ahead? Worse, if your spouse wants to take in a mistress, would you give your consent?
2 people like this
12 responses
@ellie26 (4128)
• Malaysia
30 May 07
When you see your spouse started to make himself look good or fancy fast cars, you will start to smell something fishy is about to happen. Then again, this not always the case, sometimes they also need to look their best. After all, they do want to stay young as much as possible. But if he start to want to take in a mistress, there is definitely something wrong. Of course I will not give consent. Who would be stupid enough to share a man with another woman especially when you have shared all the ups and downs with him throughout your marriage life.
2 people like this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
30 May 07
I think all men face almost similar situation in their mid-life crisis. You have to tolerate his action and don't give up on him when he is going through this phase of his life. He will realise his folly when troubles creep up with his mistress.
1 person likes this
• India
31 May 07
It is natures rule that women has to undergo menopause,in her middle age, whereas men can produce till the end. If she is unable to fulfill the physical desires of her man, due to middle age crisis or bad health condition, man might long for a female(mistress or whatever) to have physical relation. Under such circumstances woman must come out of her possesiveness and allow her man to go a ahead. This is the great sacrifice she can do to her man to keep him happy and healthy during middle age. If her man is happy he will keep the family also happy.
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
31 May 07
I think we women have to look at it in a positive way. Coping with a mid-life crisis takes time and energy, but it can help you and your husband becomes closer. Help him find greater satisfaction and pleasure in life. If s-x life has fallen into a bit of a rut, now's the time to start experimenting.
@lucky_witch (2711)
• Philippines
30 May 07
I dont mind if he dye his hair with orange... maybe he was just start enjoying his life. But to keep a mistress... a big NO NO... he has to be contented me or else!!! I wont tolerate second party even if he will say that Ill always be his wife... no thank you.
2 people like this
• Philippines
30 May 07
if he is experimenting of himself... be happy for him atleast he's having time to improve himself. But be sure that no woman but you is behind that changes.
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@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
30 May 07
It is women nature to be possessive of their husbands. I do understand your refusal to accept a third party. There is no compromise here.
1 person likes this
@jennybianca (12913)
• Australia
30 May 07
If my husband wanted to take a mistress, I would kick him out the house. He would have to bring up his children on his own & deal with his allergies, & cook his special food himself! Hmm... he would have to be desperate!
2 people like this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
30 May 07
Oh Jenny, your action will certainly make your man insane and he will forget about his fantasies immediately. Thats one way to teach a man sometimes.
1 person likes this
@Ravenladyj (22936)
• United States
30 May 07
If my husband started colouring his hair I'd have no prob with that but if he suddenly came home with a sports car I'd flip my lid on him without a doubt...and if he wanted a mistress, I'd be cool with it so long as he sticks to the rules and provided he realizes that our home, the kids and myself come first when it comes to finacial responsiblity, time etc etc..
2 people like this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
30 May 07
Its a realistic and exciting approach to your man's mid-life crisis.
1 person likes this
@micaella (396)
• Philippines
10 Jun 07
hahaha! see in him dyed hair? I used to do that to my husband, I used to make his out fit and style like a youngsingle man but its not just becoz we have a problem in our marrages life...If he has a mistress? i wont say i wont feel bad, i will be hypocrite if i say that, but then i would rather want him to say it to me directly, czuse I dont want much of argues, If he want a mistress I'll give his freedom coz i want mine too...BUT before I leave him I shouls want to ask him to introduce me first to his mistress, just want to ask something to his mistress and want to know if she can accept my kids too! I wont give my kids them I just want her know what my husbands responsibility to my kids... thats All!!!
1 person likes this
@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
11 Jun 07
A person of your nature should be applauded ,giving your husband a freedom of choice. It is only a temporary set back as he is facing a mid life crisis and it is only you who can help him.
@micaella (396)
• Philippines
11 Jun 07
Thanks. Do you believe "Sometimes God want us to meet a few wrong people before meetingthe right one, so that when we finalley met that person we will know to be greatful"?
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@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
11 Jun 07
Yes, I believe in that. It is something like before you reach success you experience many failures.
@micaella (396)
• Philippines
11 Jun 07
Thnk you vey very much for the reply. That time, when he didnt got cahance to get back to our house before he went to their office I tried to called their and talk to someone and ask wher and who is their customer, where that customer cheack in but they replied me to wait for their call and after 2 hour my hasband called me and say hes with customer, so i was amazed and ask him, till in bed? till sleeping time? why he didnt even tried to answer my call that early morning? you know what I called him from 2 am till my kids need to go to school. Soooo, My gosh! Thanks for the nice advice, i really got big problem about kids so ur advice bring me some relief. Thanks again!!!
1 person likes this
@micaella (396)
• Philippines
11 Jun 07
oh my gosh! sorry my dear looks gots carried away from this conversation and one of my responsed i sent it to u ... sorry
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@zandi458 (27948)
• Malaysia
11 Jun 07
I've go mixed up myself and replied you with your first responds. Looks like your situation was exactly what I experienced when my children were still small. My husband seldom gets back home until the wee hours of the morning. I found out that he was keeping a mistress. Being young and no experience I was ofcourse very mad with him and I did make a preparation for a divorce. He never want to sign the papers and my life was very stressful. He goes from one to another women and this goes on for few years. I was fedup and couldn't be bothered with him. I did my own things and raise my children but we remain under the same roof. Eventually he stopped womanizing and late nights. Now we are happy together.
@micaella (396)
• Philippines
11 Jun 07
thats nice! and its a good news! but I hope and pray were really could get out of this problem. I can see the pain living of my father to my mom olds past years and i can feel now what a big mess my father brough ti her life... I hope, I hope i still have a chance to let my kids knew how i really proud of them how much i really loved them - even without their father!
1 person likes this
@EvanHunter (4028)
• United States
14 Jul 07
Cherating is what ended my first marriage not on my part but my wifes part. She had alot of other problems to but it was the one that I wouldnt put up with. We can say alot of things but only we know when we have had our fill of a bad relationship. You get to the point where you are bitter that you have held so much in and got so little back than you have been unfaithful to yourself and its time to move on.
• United States
11 Jul 07
Does this apply to a woman having a crisis too? Does giving him the "ok" also give women the "ok" to take a lover on the side when they are having some "issue" with themselves? I have rarely heard of a man wanting to share (or allowing) his woman with another man. Why does it seem to be only acceptable for a man to cheat, and why do we have to excuse them and baby them as if they are less "advanced" in the evolutionary chain than women are? Double-dipping isn't acceptable...there are diseases and stuff to consider too...pregnancy of the mistress, how it will look to your kids when they find out their role model dad is so wimpy that he can't behave like an adult with responsibilities...you know, little things like that.
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Jul 07
You know I think this is something that the two involved would really have to be open about talking about it. Life is short and we should all be able to enjoy and experience all that we have ever wanted in life. If you can realize that you might be able to come to some sort of an agreement.
1 person likes this
• China
31 May 07
no,no.Love is self-serving.It can share with anybody else!
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@mistissa (1348)
• Netherlands
10 Aug 07
If he wants to paint his hair or drive a fast car I don't mind. If he would ask my consent in having a mistress I would definitely kick him out the door. But that is totally personal.
• Philippines
6 Jul 07
When we got married we vowed to remein faithful and I do not believe that time can change this vow. If he wants to have a mistress, he can go on but what I will demand in return is for him to start packing up his things and leave me alone.