Truth Is Like A Knife To The Heart

@wolfie34 (26771)
United Kingdom
June 1, 2007 10:13am CST
I don't know whether to feel relieved or feel like collapsing on my bed in fits of tears. Without going into too much detail lets say this person is X well today they told me a lot of home truths about me, they well and truly went for the jugular they really laid into me verbally and the things they said well they were all TRUE Yes as I look at myself and hear those words that were said about me whether they are like a knife in the heart they sting, but as they say truth hurts, I'm still reeling from it now and I do feel sick inside but it may actually help in keeping stuff to MYSELF in future and if I ever need help NEVER EVER TO SEEK IT AGAIN Has anyone been totally truthful and honest with you and held back NO punches? How did you feel? Truth really does hurt...
13 people like this
28 responses
@RobinJ (2501)
• Canada
1 Jun 07
Hi Wolfie. To answer you question , the answer is a resounding yes.I am going to write a LONG answer please read and at least consider it. At the time I too was reeling and devastated. But as it was clearly explained to me I was being given information about how others saw me and how I affected them. One lady said she stayed around me because I was a living example to her of what she never never wanted to be.So shortly after that I thought they were not trying to hurt me they were trying to help me, so I took all the information that had been given to me, and I decided to change. I am going to give you the list I was given. I was described as a very passive person I showed the following behaviors: self denying, avoids conflict no matter what, allows others to choose, neglects own needs, intimidated by all others. I showed and had the following feelings: frustration, anxious,hurt,resentful,inferior. Feelings of others involved, pity irritation.The results were that I: did not achieve desired goal, was a victim for aggressor, and my relationships deteriorated, And I came across as I am not OK, but you are. Today I strive for:to be honest and direct,willing to compromise make choices for myself considers others rights and feelings and I am respectful of myself and others.My feelings are now I feel good about myself. Feelings of others involved are respect and feels valued. The results are now I may achieve my desired goal and I can have satisfying and caring relationships. And now I present my self as I am OK and you are OK. If any of this sounds familiar to you, then take heart as You can change for the better to Wolfie. Try to take what they said as information, and use it as a lesson to learn better, rather than walk around believing the worst about yourself and others. Remember You your self that all the things they said were true, so rather than close you mind and feel sick, Learn from it and make your self better, This will not happen in one day or even one month, but once you look at it as INFORMATION and not put downs you will begin to heal. Please try it Wolfie, what have you got to lose, other than things that you know are not working for you. Robin
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
2 Jun 07
Considered, thank you my wise friend
@shambuca (2524)
• United States
1 Jun 07
Yes it does hurt- and you just feel like crawling under a rock and staying there forever, but we all know that you can't do that. Just think of it as a learning expierence and try to make changes in yourself- it's not easy- I do it everyday- I have to keep reminding myself to do things and to not do things- but if I want to change then it has to be done. Don't ever be afraid to ask for help just because this one person reacted this way - not everyone will be like that- and you can always come here for advice and help... we all care about you and would love to help you any way we can!
2 people like this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
2 Jun 07
Thanks my friend, means a lot
@patootie (3592)
1 Jun 07
Ohh myyy goodness that sounds like a hard hiting conversation you had .. First of all .. go and have a good boohoo .. that'll let the tension out and relax your chest muscles a bit .. because I bet you are steaming and agitated by it all .. Now .. let's look at the evidence .. 'home truths' .. well maybe .. but only from person 'X' point of view .. he/she isn't you .. only you know how you truly are, how you act, how you speak .. so don't take it all as 100% true .. it's just one persons perspective of you as a person .. And wolfie dear .. don't keep things inside you .. they have a horrible habit of festering and causing grief .. always let out the angst .. because a problem shared is a problem halved .. and very often by speaking about our problems or feelings we get insight as to how to sort them out .. Here's a huge HUGGLE for you .. keep your chin up .. you are a lovely, kind and gentle person :o)
1 person likes this
@patootie (3592)
1 Jun 07
Hmm .. okay ... then here's another option .. write all your angst down on a large piece of paper .. every little thing that is making you cross .. then symbolically rip the piece of paper to tiny little shreds and set fire to the scraps .. ... or .. wait for a windy day .. go somewhere privare and shout .. really yell at the top of your voice all the things that are 'hurting' you .. stamp your feet and fling your arms around .. really give it your all ... You have no idea just how liberating it is .. until you try it .. it really makes me feel better and it's very cathartic ..
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
2 Jun 07
It may even be a mirror that caused all my problems, I must have broken one without realizing it, 7 years bad luck and all that, I can trace the problems back to 2002, so I guess I've got another two years of bad luck to go
@patgalca (18135)
• Orangeville, Ontario
1 Jun 07
Patootie is right. No one can know exactly how you feel. And NO ONE can tell you HOW to feel. I am sure X is not perfect either and could probably stand to look in the mirror.
1 person likes this
@Naomi17 (624)
2 Jun 07
You say they were all true but its just there opinion you have low esteem so your not the best judge in this you feel hurt and upset because this one person who has no right to judge you! laid into you well whoever they are i feel like giving them a taste of there own medicine. Can you not see how many of us love you and count you as a dear friend your problems don't make you less of a person, in fact you are the sort of guy if i was single i would be loving you big time without even meeting you, i know you are a great guy and your my friend. Now a real friend would be there for you not putting you down and yes i have had my mum try to give me home truths throughout my life but none of them were the truth like when i was getting married he's not right for you he will be after every female he can get the truth is he's totally faithful and adores me. when i was pregnant i had an awful phone call from my mum saying my sister should have been the first to have children as she would make a better mum than me i ignored it because i knew i would love my babies whatever. me and my hubby both laugh when we go over we point at the black sheep as thats what i am in my mums eyes the one who hasn't made a million but hey i'm the lucky one i don't just exist i am loved like you . Don't let that one person see they have hurt you you are worth a million of them.
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
2 Jun 07
Thank you for those lovely words my friend, means a lot, and you have hit the nail on the head, I do have chronic low self-esteem and I am my own worst enemy, having a sense of humour does help to dilute the pain and hurt we feel in life, I guess being a naturally depressive I do dwell and thrive on negativity like a magnet and repel any positive thoughts which are put out of my mind like angry wasps lol
• Singapore
1 Jun 07
Hello wolfie, did someone make you mad again? Will you turn into a werewolf when the clock strikes twelve and run rampage upon the nearest village? Truth always hurt. This is almost true. (lol) Ask and you shall receive. You did ask, did you not? So you hear something you didn't like and you wanna go bite some heads off? Well, don't ask in future. :P And relax a bit. Don't think the worst of yourself. If you try hard enough, you can force a square to fit into a circle. I am sure you are not all bad and what that person said is not all true - it just made you depressed and you perversely want it to be true so that you can go on being depressed. Well, wipe off the muck, and go have a nice shower. Tomorrow will be a better day. :D
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
2 Jun 07
It's so true when they say ignorance is bliss, I think I would rather be oblivious, yes you hit the nail on the head, what do depressives love to hear? More bad news to dwell on, it's breaking that cycle. Cheers my friend, as always yes when there is a full moon I do indeed bite lol
@tredale (1309)
• Australia
1 Jun 07
Yes it does, but it helps to understand yourself better. I new what I needed to change and what I needed to look at. In the end it did me the world of good at the time it felt like Id been 10 rounds with rocky. Until someone tells you, you actually dont no what to change or how people think. I now ask this person when I want honest advice because I know she will give it to me and I love her for this. So now youve been told use it for good not evil and all will be well.
2 people like this
@ESKARENA1 (18261)
2 Jun 07
i think truth is a powerful weapon and it has the ability to hurt us deeply. I no longer ask for truth as there are far too many people all too willing to give you theirs and we must remember it is still only an opinion, objective fact is difficult to find. I think Terry Pratchet sums it up when he said finding truth is like finding the soap in a bath tub, its hard to find but harder to hang on to. I think it needs to be used with tact and diplomacy. Those who enjoy passing off their opinion as objective fact often have an ego problem. However, what they refer to as truth can only hurt you if it confirms what you really secretly think in the first place. With this in mind, it is not the words of another that hurt us, but our own self esteem, words simply confirm or self afirm the feelings already present blessed be
1 person likes this
@rosie_123 (6113)
1 Jun 07
Well I am inclined to echo the words of cremechese earlier in this thread. How do you know they were truthful? And perhaps this person X really was just being vicious? To me, and many others here, you seem such a kind, gentle, thoughtful, decent, and caring person - not bad at all........ of course everyone has their bad side, but no one is as black as you seem to see yourself, nor as this person seems to have painted you. So I would go and have a good cry in private first - let some tension out, - and then just carry on as normal, and don't let these things upset you too much - after all it is only his/her opinion - many people like your friends here on MyLot see you very differently.
7 Jun 07
Not really. Least for me I can handle the truth. I just don't like people who tell the truth to hurt others but I can still handle that. :) Kudos, ~Joey
@mssnow (9484)
• United States
1 Jun 07
Yes Wolfie, I do try to tell the truth. But I try to do it tactfully if at all possible. I have been hurt for telling the truth before too.I am not sure what anyone could say about you that would make you sad. I have always seen you as a great guy. You are sweet and kind and also honest to people. I think as usual you are being too hard on yourself.
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
2 Jun 07
I've always been told I am too hard on myself, my tutor was forever telling me that and used to get annoyed at me (in a nice way in fact) yes I am my own worst enemy, I also have chronic low self esteem so the wounds hit deep
@charms88 (7538)
• Philippines
1 Jun 07
Hello wolfie, I can feel for you. Sometimes, we prefer to see things the way we like. I used to avoid looking at the truth. But as I grew older, I learned to accept my flaws and weaknesses. I don't know how X laid everything out to you. My best friend always gently pointed out to me my mistakes. I readily accept it without feeling hurt. I will weigh everything my best friend told me and from there, I can learn to improve myself better. Sometimes, hearing the truth is better. Like the old saying, the truth will set us free.
@liranlgo (5752)
• Israel
1 Jun 07
Yes. I can tell you that my best friends wolfie, do belong to that category that you mentioned. They do tell me the truth about myself, and they do not believe nor i in not telling the truth about what they think, because it has been proven to help more then to destroy. But they do tell me the truth in a certain way that i can fix, or think about things, no matter how hurtful they are . They will never tell me the truth in a way that would cause me to break down and think there is no hope for me anymore. There is a way to do things, and if they are true friends they would know from their acquaintance with me, how to do those things. I do tell them things, and i will continue to tell them. Because in the bottom line, they do help me, and i believe in hearing the truth from loved one, no matter how hurtful and painful it is.
@azimsay (543)
• India
1 Jun 07
Some times we were wrong but we cann't truth.In frunt people telling me it is wrong ,but we are not listening them because they are telling truth which we dont agree.At that time truth is like knief.
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
1 Jun 07
it's most of the time difficult to accept truth. we are more or less in denial of who we really are. but as they say, truth sets us free. and it's true.
• United States
1 Jun 07
I think that sometimes we need people to be absolutely truthful to us. Don't be afraid to seek help--just be careful who you seek it from. Think about the things that this person told you. are they things about yourself that maybe you need to work on? Are they things that are ordinary and acceptable faults, or just things that you haven't realized about yourself before? Or had you seen these things in yourself and just didn't realize that anyone else had seen them? Try to figure out what it was about hearing these things that hurt you. If it's something that you can work on, then go from there. But if this person was truly trying to hurt you, then take that into account too.
1 person likes this
@maryannemax (12156)
• Sweden
1 Jun 07
people say, to know yourself better, listen to others about you. most of the time, they are the mirror of who you are. for me, my boyfriend had taught me about myself lately. things i haven't even realized i was that annoying. what a jealous kind of person i am, how irritating i can be, sometimes - how nonesense my acts and reasonings are. and yup... it hurt like nothing else did. i reflected on those words and realized my boyfriend was right. and so, even if it hurt, i accepted it. and finally, i started changing for a better me. truth hurts. but only truth can turn us into a better person.
2 Jun 07
I know where you are coming from Wolfie, this has happened to me on a couple of ocassions and it definately stops me in my tracks and then I have to stupidly analyse it over and over again. The thing is though, who is perfect. Most people have traits we find annoying, but if we respect that person we don't say anything. If we really don't like their personality, then we stop being friends with them. I really don't see the point in ripping someone to shreds and telling them all their faults because at the end of the day I think we know them already but a leopard cannot change its spots. I think we just have to be careful with who we confide in, as so many will throw it back in our faces. I have had this done and it hurts. But honestly, don't change, you are who you are, just don't open yourself up to this person again as obviously they don't want to know. I always believe a problem shared is a problem halved, but sometimes it can be hard finding the right person to share this with. Just pull that knife out of your back Wolfie and forget this persons comments. Just remember would you do this to someone, and if this answer is 'no', then you are a bigger man than this person. My thoughts are with you x
• United States
2 Jun 07
Yes, the truth really does hurt. Honey, if i were you, i would take what they said with a little salt...sometimes they make things sound worse than they are. Sometimes people need to just hold back. Look, if you need help, don't just NOT ask for it...ask someone else...like me. i am here for you.
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
2 Jun 07
Yes, truth can hurt and when that truth is turned inward it is even harder to deal with...but it can also benefit us if we use it as a learning tool....not seeking help when needed was not supposed to be the lesson, my friend.... There are usually tactful ways to say almost anything...where the message is not so blunt and hurtful but the message is still the same.... I am sorry if this person hurt your feelings...that is never easy to take, especially if that person is close to your heart. Take care, my friend....do not be too hard on yourself!!!
@abrarr (1246)
• Pakistan
2 Jun 07
yeah truth is always bitter to hear and tough to speak but when u speak it u don't need any more lies to hide earlier lies. ther are no further tensions when u speak and take tension once to speaka the truth fo once.
• United States
1 Jun 07
The truth does hurt but it also helps, ut you have to listen and take heed. Sometimes we hide from the truth because we want to avoid accepting responsibility for our actions. If you can hide from what really is you can preten it does not exist. However it will exist and cause pain to yourself as well as others. So just to say "the truth hurt" and from now on I do not want to hear it so I will not ask for an honest opinion again sounds really (and this may hurt to because I am going to be honest) ridiculously immature.