How do you feel on battered woman who kill their abusers ?

Canada
June 1, 2007 11:32pm CST
Do you feel that battered woman who kill their abusers should have a lesser sentence or not be charged at all or get the same sentence as anyone else ? How do we say it is not alright to kill yet when someone has the life scared out of them on a daily basis and is scared for their life or the life of their child/children , that this is acceptable and that there is nothing and that they can do but have to live in fear hoping that nothing will happen to them or live in a shelter because there is no one that can protect them from the men that stalk them . Have you ever read the book " Life with Billy " , where even the cops were scared to deal with this man yet she was expected to live with this man with her sons and not do anything about it but to accept what faith had to offer her .
9 people like this
22 responses
@Ciniful (1589)
• Canada
2 Jun 07
This is what we call a slippery slope arguement, and I'll get to why in just a minute. A woman who has been abused is not in the same mindset the rest of us is in. She's thinking survival, rightfully so. If she were to kill the abuser in a matter of self defense, for instance, during an attack, no one and no court on earth could hold her responsible. The problem lies in what happens should she kill him while an attack isn't ongoing. What people fail to understand is that, when you live in an abusive relationship, the attack is ALWAYS ongoing. Even if she's not being physically beaten right then and there, she's under his control emotionally and mentally, and likely financially. Her self respect, self confidence and self esteem are already gone, and the process of abuse is a 24/7 ordeal. He doesn't even have to be in the general viscinity for the abuse to be taking place, once it's begun it stays ongoing until long after she's managed to escape the relationship. Personally, I could justify her actions should she kill him. I would likely see it as understandable and leave it at that. However, it opens doors that shouldn't be opened. Can you imagine how many women would claim domestic violence, or worsen their own situations, in order to get away with killing someone? This is what I meant by slippery slope. So no, for that reason I can't say that I would ever 'legally' justify an abused woman killing her abuser when it's not a matter of immediate self defense. However, I think special circumstances have to be considered case by case, and that the law can't be rigid here. It has to bend according to each persons own situation.
3 people like this
@emeraldisle (13145)
• United States
2 Jun 07
Very good points. Each case is different and has to be considered on it's own. When the attack is on going that is one thing but when it's not there is so much grey area and one has to determine the person's state of mind in the situation before going any further.
@Ravenladyj (22937)
• United States
2 Jun 07
Those were excellent points and I agree with you on all of them...I was in not only an abusive relationship but also grew up in an abusive home as a child and as much as part of me would love to say "yes its justifiable" the reality is just what you said, it would open doors that should never be open....And I also agree that it really should be a case by case thing...Lets face it, some cases are bound to happen..the cops know it, the hospitals know it, the neighbours, families and so on..its just a matter of time
2 people like this
• Canada
2 Jun 07
You brought up some very good points and I agree with you completely , thank you for your resposne .
1 person likes this
@emeraldisle (13145)
• United States
2 Jun 07
Very good discussion. The first time I ever heard of this happening was back with the Francine Hughes which was made into the movie "The Burning Bed". She literally set the bed on fire while her husband was sleeping. He'd been abusing for years even after she tried to leave him. I believe she got off on the charges but she had a lot of evidence to show how he'd abused her for years, how she'd tried to leave him, and how no one would help her. As the one poster pointed out each case has to be judged on it's own. When the situation is where they are defending themselves during an immediate attack then it's a clear cut case but when it's not then one has to try and figure out what all was happening. Was the woman (or man for that matter since women have been known to abuse husbands) in such a state where she was in constant fear, where she couldn't leave due to that fear, where she though her life was in danger every constant minute then yes it could be extenuating circumstances.
2 people like this
• Canada
2 Jun 07
I watched that movie as well and it was a good movie to show how much one could suffer before she would act upon her actions . It was sad to see how one could put up with so much abuse and not know what to do out of fear . Thank you for your response .
1 person likes this
@emeraldisle (13145)
• United States
2 Jun 07
What got me in there was how her family and his kept telling her to go back to him. That she was wrong and that she must be to blame for it all. That sure didn't help her at all.
@emeraldisle (13145)
• United States
2 Jun 07
I agree with you. No one would help her even though she tried to get it. She did what she had to do in order to escape. That's why I said each case has to be judged on it's own merit. We cannot just jump to assumptions on either side of the issue.
@ellie26 (4128)
• Malaysia
2 Jun 07
Well, I think commiting homicide is regard as cruel and inhumane. But we need to look at the whole picture and what actually had happened. There are a lot of thing that can be done to deal with situation like this. For example, she can ask for divorce or get a restraining order. But if there is murder committed, then it should have a fair court case.
2 people like this
@swtnss (264)
• United States
2 Jun 07
Its so easy for people thats never been in an abusive relationship to tell someone to get out. Its not easy to do espcially when youre in too deep. I know because ive been through. Restraining orders sometimes dont work, its hard to ask for a divorce when the spouse refuses, so it makes it hard for the woman to get out. The spouse is so quick to say if you divorce me ill kill you. that makes it hard to get out. So if youve never been in that situation, theres really nothing that you can say about it. you have to be in it to understand it.
@ellie26 (4128)
• Malaysia
3 Jun 07
I am sorry if my response seems to be insensitive. I am in an abusive relationship where my husband abuse me mentally, phsyically and calls me a lot nasty names. There was many times he has try to hurt me and even hurt my children, his sons! You might want to ask why did I stay? To be honest, I had make police report and also consulted the lawyers for advice. But at the end of the day, I made a decision to stay because of my belief and my children. I know it may sound a stupid move but I take the risk. For women in abusive relationship, if you can get out, get out or seek help. Thanks.
@xbrendax (2668)
• United States
2 Jun 07
Sorry, but I can NOT ever feel sorry for the stupid women who put up with abuse!! It always starts when they are dating and when that very first attack happens, get the hell away from that pig NOW! Do NOT believe his lies, do NOT feel sorry for him and do NOT let his tears sway you! IF YOU STAY WITH HIM YOU ARE AN IDIOT and deserve all that is coming to you! When I see idiot women whine and ball their eyes out on talk shows because they are being abused by their men, I want to laugh! Oh boo hoo, they deserve what they get if they are that stupid as far as I am concerned! Once and only once a man hit me but within 2 seconds he found himself thrown in the empty bath tub with a butcher knife at his throat and I said: I won't be so nice next time! If you EVER show up around here again, you WILL be shot right between the eyes, now get the hell out of my house you monster and don't EVER come back! At the opened door, (I slammed my body into his and flung him 20 feet out into the snow)!!! THAT'S how you are to treat men who abuse you!!! And YES, if a woman stays with an abusive man taking his abuse for years and then kills him, oh well, she should be charged with murder just like anyone else who murders someone! Always remember this: If a woman is abused, IT IS (HER) FAULT!
@xbrendax (2668)
• United States
2 Jun 07
Also there's something wrong with a woman who stays with an abusive man and ALLOWS the abuse to go on and on and then brings children into it so they can be a part of the abuse! These stupid broads need their heads examined!!! They all say: But I love him! Well let me say, love is NOT at the end of a fist!!!
1 person likes this
• Canada
2 Jun 07
Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion but I have to disagree with you on this area that if it happens that the woman is at fault . You can't blame the victim and just because you said what you would do is not what all woman would be able to do because this is not how they were raised and I can say that I wouldn't have the strenght to throw my husband into a bath tub were he to decide to attack me ( not that he ever would ) . Also you stated that a woman should be considered a murderer if she defends herself from the abuse and that she deserves what she gets but also stated that you would kill the person yourself if they came back so you are contradicting what you are saying .
@xbrendax (2668)
• United States
5 Jun 07
Who's the fool who stayed with him after the VERY FIRST HIT??? Now tell me who the real IDIOT is! I rest my case!!!
• Canada
2 Jun 07
I am not sure how I feel on this . I believe that someone who murders should go to jail but on the other hand if it is self defense then they person deserved it and when a woman is being abused everyday that would have to be considered self defense and is even worse when tehre are children involved because this only shows them that violence is what we do when we are mad . So in some cases I agree with this but in other cases I don't .
1 person likes this
@swtnss (264)
• United States
2 Jun 07
I have to say this, I was an abused woman. I didnt kill the men that abused me, but for some reason it was easy for me to get out, especially because i had people to help me and they will not stand for it.In every state they have made domestic violenc the #1 priority. but if the cops dont want to do anything then they have no choice but to defend themselves, whether it be murder, or just harming them to get them to stop.
@ParaTed2k (22626)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
2 Jun 07
Everyone has the right to defend themselves, why should that change just because the scum is the spouse... or the parent... or the offspring.
1 person likes this
@swtnss (264)
• United States
2 Jun 07
i have to agree with that,every womam that is being abused has the right to defend herself in any way. If the courts dont want to do anything and they know its happening then she has the right. no woman should not allow a man to hit on them under any circumstances.
@magica (3710)
• Bulgaria
2 Jun 07
Of course, nobody approves the murder including me. The life is sacred. But in fact the human nature has primal instinct to survive. So if somebody threathens my survival and i have no other variants to avoid this threat-i will react primaly as animal in the jungle. Some of theese murders are instinctive, not planned. And later the woman sorries, because she looses much more then usually. She goes to the prison.
1 person likes this
@aureliaz (1179)
• Singapore
2 Jun 07
Wow...a highly ethical discussion.. From a moral standpoint (I'm not even going to go into the legal standpoint of this issue), I think she is justified. It is self-defence is it not? Sometimes, these women are utterly desperate..their abusers not only harm them physically but emotionally and mentally as well..They batter the women's sense of self and take away every ounce of self-esteem and dignity..many make the victims believe that they actually DESERVE the abuse through various forms of twisted emotional manipulation. Restraining orders? By the time the abusers get through with the victims, most are too scared to even consider them. In less developed countries where males are still allowed supreme authority over their spouses, murder is really the only conceivable escape that the females can take.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Jun 07
They should get a lesser sentence or no sentence nor charges at all. In a kill or get killed situation like that, it is self defense, & a decent lawyer can usually get the battered woman proven not guilty.
1 person likes this
@liyan97 (2128)
• Northern Mariana Islands
2 Jun 07
well I really don't know what to feel about a situation like that. I guess it would depend on the circumstances! I think if I was in a situation where I am being battered as well as my children, I would probably kill my abuser! I think that if she was being abused at the time of the killing it should be justified as self defense.
• India
2 Jun 07
No one has the right to kill. However a battered and abused woman should not be punished at all if she did kill. She should be taken care of pyschologically and be brought back to life with hope and love.
@Woodpigeon (3710)
• Ireland
2 Jun 07
I honestly have nothing but sympathy for women who kill a long time abuser. I don't mean someone who is attacked once or twice. I mean someone who is expected to live in that environment and rear chuildren in it. I am surprised more women don't snap. I would give a lesser sentence if I was a judge. I would look for any loophole I could to give the woman and her children their lives back.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Jun 07
I would say I feel for them. Maybe they came to the an extent already becoz of being treated that way. I was hoping that they can get lesser sentence or would be found unguilty becoz they were just provoked to do teh crime. WHo would kill the man she chose to spend the rest of her life with if he didnt treat her cruelly. I am not actually speaking about women that has been physically hurt but by those who were physically abused. there is a difference between the two.
• United States
15 Sep 08
I feel the exact same way I feel about battered men who kill their abusers! Their abuser deserved it and a zillion times more!
@Hatley (164338)
• Garden Grove, California
12 Jul 08
samtaylorskykierajen wow I think battered women should get a break as its more or less self defense as if they do not get the ba***rd first he will kill them so call it self defense and let the women get on with their lives.
• Philippines
12 Jul 08
good day...This is a controversial type of question but law should be uphold. Battered woman should be the given leniency in their case but on the other side it should also be proven that the incident happened in self defense.
@academic2 (7009)
• Uganda
24 Nov 07
Two wrongs do not make a right, killing the abuser compounds the situation, have reourse to the law, seek a divorce and kill no one.
• United States
14 Jun 07
I do think they should have a lesser sentence. Men who do this should be put into meat grinders. They deserve whatever they get for beating down a woman all the time. As a matter of fact, I think these women should be REWARDED for ridding society of these camotitas.
• United States
5 Jun 07
I think it's understandable when women kill their abusers. If I got abused I'm sure that thought would cross my mind several times a day. It's self defense...YOu can't expect to just have a person take it, but then again, there are always better ways to deal with a conflict then resorting to violence. Why didn't they leave? Because they were too scared? They were too scared to leave but not to kill a man? I think if you're getting abused, then you should find a way out, any way out. Flee the freaking country, who cares. Just get away from this person.
• United States
3 Jun 07
If a man beat up on his a women he need his a** kicked. If she killed him to bad,he had it coming to him. and the rule is for a women (if there blood on me there going be blood on you!!!)