Ok, Dads.. Explain this, aren't they your kids too?

@ParaTed2k (22980)
Sheboygan, Wisconsin
June 7, 2007 1:13pm CST
Something I've never understood about a lot of dads I know. When you are home with the kids without their mom, how is it that you are "babysitting"? I've even known a few "dads" who make their wives find a babysitter if she wants to go do something without the kids... even if they will be home! Yeah, you go to work, but she works all day too! Yeah, it's the "weekend", but it's her weekend too. Sure, you should get a break when you get home from work, but do you make sure she gets a break too? Or are breaks just for people who work "outside" the home? Didn't you get a couple of breaks and a lunch? Did she? Whatever you work out between you two is no business of mine, but "worked out" means a mutual agreement, not your expectations of how "it should be". I might get kicked out of the "guy club" for this, but I just don't get it.
4 people like this
10 responses
@stacyv81 (5904)
• United States
7 Jun 07
thank you! I have often wondered the same, my guy will say I am babysitting, I am like they are your kids!! as a SAHM I have them 24/7 & it is rare to get a break. I thank you for this post! =)
@ParaTed2k (22980)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
7 Jun 07
Your welcome! Let your "guy" read it too! Maybe he'll take the hint. ;~D
• United States
7 Jun 07
My husband would be sleeping in the garage if he ever said something like that! Seriously, though, it's not a real issue with us. My husband wanted to become a parent. And, when it happened, he gladly jumped into the role of dutiful dad to our child. Sometimes I think that he's as good at parenting as I am. The two of them hang out all the time. They're real buddies. I couldn't be happier! It makes my job as a mom easier. As far as what other men do, I'll never understand their hands off approach to parenting. They just don't know what they're missing. Maybe it's just a guy thing, though. Guys know that they're not really babysitting their own kids. They just use that terminology.
@ParaTed2k (22980)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
7 Jun 07
That's how I was. My wife had to come looking for us if she needed any of us. It was usually easy for her to find us though, we were pretty noisy. I'm not trying to come off like "Superdad", there were many times that I came home from work tired and wanted a break... but I was also willing to make sure my wife got a break too.
• United States
7 Jun 07
It's OK! Go ahead and brag. Super Dads are a rare breed.
1 person likes this
@ParaTed2k (22980)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
8 Jun 07
Not bragging because I do remember times when I did complain about not really being off, just changing hats. ;~D Yeah, I've been guilty of this myself, but I've also been the one at home with the kids while my wife gets out with the girls.
@carlaabt (3505)
• United States
7 Jun 07
That drives me crazy, too. My husband never says he is babysitting our son. But people at my work used to ask me if he was while I was there (I only worked Saturdays, and my husband was ALWAYS home with our son). I would tell the girls I work with "How can he babysit his own kid?" and they would still ask. Same thing with guys he works with. If one of them wants him to hang out and he says he can't, they always tell him he shouldn't have to "babysit" so much. He usually tells him "Hey it's my kid, I like spending time with him." I know I'm lucky to have a husband that is so involved. He doesn't even mind changing a diaper or two a night. :)
1 person likes this
@ParaTed2k (22980)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
7 Jun 07
It's kind of sad to think of you as "lucky" for having what should be just expected. I'm glad you found a good one! If they are telling him that he shouldn't have to "babysit so much", I'm guessing they consider being with their kids an interruption in their lives.
@carlaabt (3505)
• United States
8 Jun 07
It is sad that it makes me lucky to have a husband that is actually a real dad that likes spending time with his child. But most dads aren't like that. My husband is at the GROCERY store with our 16 month old right now. I don't know of many other men that volunteer for that one! :)
1 person likes this
@ParaTed2k (22980)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
11 Jun 07
He's a Keeper!
@livewyre (2455)
8 Jun 07
It's funny, but though I don't use that expression myself - my wife actually says it of me...'he's babysitting today' or something similar. I regard it as a joy and pleasure to look after my toddler for the day, and never hesitate to take a day off work if my wife needs to go out for the day. We took a (joint) bold step more than a year ago to try to survive on just my income - so I do feel the burden of responsibility, whereas my wife is experiencing the freedom and joy of full-time Motherhood. I understand fully how tiring that can be, and feel obliged to jump into the breach as soon as I get home no matter how tired I am. This can be very exhausting for the wage-earner and whilst I would not advocate the stay-at-home partner running round after the wage-earner providing meals and fetching slippers, the partnership can only work if each partner respects the others contribution. I am proud beyond measure of my little girl and and delighted to have the privilige to spend time with her (don't get me wrong, she's a child and has the inate ability to drive me nuts!). I cannot understand any other way to treat your own children, and to those Fathers who can show indifference towards their own child - I really feel very sorry for you, and I don't comprehend you or your attitute... if these Fathers are part of the 'guys club' -they can keep it - very much their loss!
1 person likes this
@ParaTed2k (22980)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
11 Jun 07
Congratulations! That is so great that you two were willing to live on one income so she could be a stay at home mom! Yeah, I agree, it's his loss, and if that's how he really feels about his own kids, he doesn't deserve them.
@livewyre (2455)
13 Jun 07
I took the day off today as it happens so that my wife could go out with friends. This helps me to appreciate how hard it is to look after a little one...but also how rewarding it can be. As you say, indifferent fathers don't deserve kids, but unfortunately 'deserving' has little to do with whether you have kids or not. To be really philosophical about it, I guess none of us 'deserve' children, we are just blessed with them. The bad parents are the ones that don't appreciate the blessing they have received.
1 person likes this
• United States
7 Jun 07
Those kind of men aren't dads. They are sperm donors!
1 person likes this
@ParaTed2k (22980)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
11 Jun 07
and boy do they like to donate! ;~D
• United States
13 Jun 07
Speaking of sperm donors, that reminds me of a funny conversation I overheard at Walmart the other day. A woman was complaining to her mother in law about her husband and the mother in law said, "You wouldn't have any kids if it wasn't for my son." The daughter replied, "Well he was only doing what he ENJOYED doing!" ROFL!
• Canada
8 Jun 07
I have often wondered this myself . How anyone could figure that taking care of their child meant they were babysitting . You don't babysit something that is yours . As a babysitter this means that one is not entitled to make decisions for the child on anything of an important nature . As a babysitter one gets to go home at the end of the day ( not stay home ) and as a babysitter , you don't have the same love for a child . You can't love a child the way you can love your own child so then it is not consiered babysitting . You can't babysit your own child .
1 person likes this
@ParaTed2k (22980)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
11 Jun 07
Yeah, I guess "nanny" would be a better term for this kind of "father".
• United States
8 Jun 07
It seems that society has a lot to do with this. When my husband had some health issues and could not work for 18 months, our son would stay home with him. All of his friends and a lot of the guys in his family would ask him what he was doing playing Mr. Mom. I think it has to be a joint effort otherwise it doesn't work. I am glad that my husband is the way he is and does not mind watching our son or any of the neices and nephews that we have at the moment. He does not feel like it is an imposition it is just something that a father does. He is now working a full time job, and me only a part time job, but still he does not get upset or make me find a sitter when I want to do something by myself. I am very glad for that, I would have to change his way of thinking if it were any other way! LOL!
1 person likes this
@ParaTed2k (22980)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
11 Jun 07
Yeah, "babysitting" their own kids is bad enough, but when I found out there were guys who actually expected their wives to "Find a Babysitter" when they were going to be home anyway? That's just WRONG! I used to babysit and so did some of my kids. I doubt I would have stayed if the father of the kids I was babysitting was there watching TV with me. I would also tell me kids to leave if that happens.
@toe_ster (771)
• United States
8 Jun 07
I would promote you to head of the guy club for this. I wish all men had the same compassion as you do. I agree 100%. I have had this same arguments over and again. I really would like a male point of view to truely justify their side in 'babysitting' their own kids. THANK YOU for trying to get this out there to all the men out there. I hope it hits home and opens their eyes
1 person likes this
@ParaTed2k (22980)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
11 Jun 07
So far, the dumbest, but most common justification is... "I Bring home the Money". Blah!
@youdontsay (3503)
• United States
7 Jun 07
You said it! I get so irratated when I hear a man say he's babysitting his kids or when he says he's helping his [working] wife with housework. It is his kids and his house! I'm hoping that younger males are coming to understand that they are full partners, not just breadwinners.
1 person likes this
@ParaTed2k (22980)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
7 Jun 07
Yup, if the father is just a money and sperm donor, he isn't much of a man and no kind of dad!
@totty1969 (1473)
• United States
7 Jun 07
My wife used to chew me out on this, I always said that I was babysitting. But I like when my kid would screw up I would tell my wife that her kid screwed up. She would say who's kid? I'd say your kid! I really can't explain why we do it, we just do!
1 person likes this
@ParaTed2k (22980)
• Sheboygan, Wisconsin
7 Jun 07
Well, I know some dad's say it pretty tongue in cheek, so that's ok. It's the ones that really think they are going out of their way that bug me.