What kind of a friend is he?

June 8, 2007 8:11am CST
Hi, Yesterday I called an old college friend I haven't seen in 10 years. I asked him to go out to catch up on what's has happened with our lives etc. Everything went fine until he stopped in the middle of the convo and asked " do you still look the same and are you still in to the same things u were in to?" I asked what do you mean, and he said, "are you still in to leather, long hair and make up?" Now, I am totally NOT in to that, but I felt insulted to even reply or explain myself. It's like he was ashamed to be seen with me. I declined and hung up at the promise that I will get back to him. Do you think it's worth calling this guy a friend? What would you do if you were in my position? I am a little unusual in many ways, but Will NOT take insults such as this. Do you feel the same about any friend?
2 people like this
7 responses
@1qazxsw2 (512)
• Singapore
8 Jun 07
Since he is an old friend..I think you should not be taken aback by his comments and I think is legit comment bcos he knows you and perhaps showing his concerns unless you can describe to us his tone of voice when he is asking that question.... Friends are hard to come by and old friend are the ones we do not want to lose..
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8 Jun 07
His concern wasn't about myself, but it's clearly about him. His tone of voice, was in a very very serious tone and even mentioned his "new" social circle he was in to. so there. True we don't want to loose old friends, but my main question was, is he truely a friend?
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@1qazxsw2 (512)
• Singapore
8 Jun 07
i guess can be as a casual friend if you are doubting his sincerity...u know for old time sake..but to be a confidante, will need trust and understanding..anyway you haven't not contact him since now..I guess you can still call him just to talk casually but not for sharing personal stuffs
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8 Jun 07
Hello again. I think you are right. let him be just a friend from a distance. I appreciate your concerned reply.
2 people like this
• Saudi Arabia
10 Jun 07
Hi some people are weirdos u know before i answer i'll tell you something a friend of mine called me after a few years, we spoke over the phone, we chatted, we laughed then in the end that friend said: you're pretty the same you never changed. I don't know why i felt it was not a compliment from his voice i felt it was said sarcastically. It annoyed me but did not comment. Back to ur story; this guy belongs to either one of the two: First: You know theres some people who don't know how 2 put things into words, they just say something harsh but they don't mean it. It is their character. Second: The other possibility he meant it in the way u explained but in both cases, just act normal don't let him notice he offended. Can you still call him friend ? I can't answer this one but but all i can tell you if he is the type that may annoy and bug you with his commments, just don't get so much close to him anymore, be his hi or once-in-a-while buddy. I sent u a msg did it arrive ?????
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10 Jun 07
DR9 Hi, Weirdos? huh, u have no idea. This dude, whome I still DO respect inspite of all, is very smart and has the skills to put ANYTHING in to words. Trust me on that. I know him, as he could've been my twin brother. We were born on the same day and year, even the same hour, just to different fathers. Knwoing that, I know exactly what he meant. So keeping him as distant friend is a good idea. I didn't get any messages from you, the PM system on myLot sometimes goe nutts.. It's better if you emailed me. silver.shaddow@yahoo.com. I always check my messages. :)
2 people like this
• Saudi Arabia
10 Jun 07
I did send it three times, i guess it is myLot always problem with msgs. I will try again. Okey 2 make long story short go to (discussion i responded to) in my homepage, go 2 a discussion titled (Admired Mylottians) and see my response there. Thank you for the response.
1 person likes this
• India
10 Jun 07
A friend in need is a friend indeed. A friend is one who does not ask you for your time or money but just your company.
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10 Jun 07
Sorry, I gave the best response by mistake! lol
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@gardengrrl (1445)
• United States
9 Jun 07
Hi, Silver! Gee, that's a tough one, feeling like that from calling an old friend. At first glance, I probably would have responded the same way you did - like he's ashamed to be seen with you. Based on my own experience with good friends who became "born again" Christians, I'm thinking you may not have a lot of luck reconnecting with this guy. Some divides are too deep to bridge easily. I guess the best thoughts I have to offer are, if the two of you were pretty close in college, it might be worth setting up a date for coffee or a cocktail or something. It would be a small risk situation, and you would have a chance to look into the old friend's eyes and see if the impression you got on the phone is the right one. Maybe the awkward thing on the phone was just from surprise, or some other innocent thing. Only you can tell if he's worth that little bit of effort, Silver. If the history is rich, take a chance. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right? Be well, my friend!
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9 Jun 07
Hey there, I thank you so much for your advice. Our history was so rich with all pretty things yeah. In addition to some youthful and concerns of being young issues. He clearly has out grown them. I haven't yet. Maybe I never will. I will try a minumum risk investment with this guy. Thanks again.
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@sunshine4 (8707)
• United States
8 Jun 07
Maybe he didn't mean it in a bad way. If you were really good friends in college, I would take the time to meet him. He might have just been worried that you changed and he didn't or he changed and you didn't so you would now have nothing in common. If the conversation was going good until that point I think that you owe it to yourself and him to get together. This might have been a huge misunderstanding.
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8 Jun 07
Hi, He is so religious now and I wasn't against his new foundation, but he was so concerned about mine. I am open to anything, shame that his new found faith saw me as an embarrassment. Maybe it was a mistake contacting him in the first place. At least I know he's doing okay. we're not college mates no more. thank you for responding.
2 people like this
• Philippines
8 Jun 07
For me, he's not a friend-quality. A good friend does not look at you from the outside but rather on the inside. Since you have not seen each other for such a long time, he should have given you the benefit of the doubt. I mean, people change, don't they? And besides, good friends are able to respect and love a person despite differences in outlooks and points of view.
8 Jun 07
I think you are right about that. Being the black sheep, He always commented on my appearance, my atitude & my moral coil, although we were in to the same things, music, competition. I have always been there for him when he needed me.. but, he always tried to bring me down. He has changed a lot since then, but this tells he is still the same on the inside.
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10 Jun 07
well, you did say that you haven't seen him in 10 years. maybe he was just curios. i don't know what kind of relationship you guys had in college, but i don't think you should have made such a big case out of this until you were sure of the reason of the question ;) all the best!
10 Jun 07
Liana Dear, You didn't read my post properlly :P
1 person likes this
11 Jun 07
yes i did :P i just probably did't understand it properly :P