Mr. Right ... Or Mr. Right Now?

man in shorts - funny looking man in shorts
@polachicago (19073)
United States
June 9, 2007 10:27am CST
My best friend is changing her partners for over 6 years now. What really batters me is that she can date any guy who wants to date her. She is really good looking and she always date rich guys…I refuse to go out with her and her boyfriend, because I know that she is not in love…or maybe she is in love with his money… How can I change her habit of dating? Is it anything I can do to help her? Do you know people who date…just for date, not for love?
9 people like this
17 responses
@dpk262006 (56722)
• Delhi, India
14 Jun 07
Have your friend asked you to change her? I do not think so.... I understand your feelings and I know your concerned for her. But if she does not want to change herself and if she is not willing......I think she will not take your suggestions in the right earnest.
2 people like this
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
14 Jun 07
she is asking for my suggestions every day, she call me 2ce a day....:)
2 people like this
@dpk262006 (56722)
• Delhi, India
20 Jun 07
She needs to instrospect herself first, before asking your suggestions....I doubt...if she is going to act on your suggestions...untill and unless she is willing in her heart and mind.
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
20 Jun 07
I am happy, she already did...and she changed her life as of last Monday...
1 person likes this
• Canada
14 Jun 07
Your friend seems to be like my ex-girlfriend. She keeps changing partners all the time, she is forever looking for somebody new and willing to fall in love with the first comer. She does not take the time to know the person very well and this cost her some trouble as her last boyfriend had some mental issues and the police had to intervene. I am trying to stay away from her as she keeps changing her mind all the time. In her case, she is not interested in money. Though, I think that she likes to fall in love. She appreciates the relationship when it is young, then gets bored just after a few months and starts looking again. The problem is that, changing partners so frequently might also have some bad health consequences with all those transmissible infections and diseases. I have warned her many times, though she never wants to listen, so I guess that I will just let her learn by herself this time.
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
14 Jun 07
I couldn't agree with you more. It is not healthy at all...and dangerous...
2 people like this
@Debs_place (10524)
• United States
11 Jun 07
I know people who do this, but they are not nice people. She does not sound like a very nice or sincere person, I would question her motives for being friends with me if she was my friend. I don't know if you can change her dating habits, she has to be the one to change them. Maybe you can help her me nice guys, but I would hate to offer them up as sacrificials lambs to someone like her.
2 people like this
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
11 Jun 07
She was supporting her former husband for 6-7 years, he left her, and so she probably wants someone to pay for it... It is totally wrong...but she is not bad person...
1 person likes this
@jbrooks0127 (2326)
• United States
10 Jun 07
First of all it is important to understand we really can never change someone else. We can provide suggestion but then it is up to them. What you can clearly see as a problem she does not. The problem with this is she may not see this until she herself gets hurt by someone that looks at life the way she does. And sooner or later this will happen. It's exciting for her now to know she can have any guy she wants. Kind of a head trip. What she now sees as just having fun will come back to haunt her. Sooner or later she will find her perfect man but he may look at life the way she does now and she will come to you for comfort. Just be her friend and when the time comes do not say I told you so just be there for her.
2 people like this
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
10 Jun 07
I never say, I told you....but she is not happy...and will not as long as she is accepting any guy showing at her steps....
1 person likes this
@bcl_me (583)
• Philippines
10 Jun 07
it is not necesary that you are in love to date someone. Not unless of course your friend enters a relationship and she's not in love which means she's lying. but dating someone does not necessarily means you are already into a relationship. Dating is one way to check out if the person your dating is the one you really like...so the result is uncertain...probably your best friend is still searching for that true love but she couldn't find it yet.
2 people like this
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
10 Jun 07
I agree with you, but she is dating this guy for 6 months, she doesn't like him...but she is with him, because she doesn’t' want to be alone...
1 person likes this
@latsmom (824)
17 Jun 07
Yes I do know people who date for the sake of it and for what they can gain financially, unfortunately there is not much you can do about it. Don't pretend that you are happy with what she is doing, but first and foremost she is your freind. I think it is a shame that she feels she has to do this, but I am sure one day she will find someone who can love her and in return will bring down her barriers, all you can do is be there for her.
1 person likes this
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
17 Jun 07
I hope so....
@Lydia1901 (16354)
• United States
15 Jun 07
Well, it sounds like those people just want to have fun and not looking for anything that is a long term. You can try to tell her how you feel about that and see if it works.
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
15 Jun 07
well said Lydia, well said...
@KrisNY (7591)
• United States
14 Jun 07
I don’t think there is anything you can do- She just ended a relationship that she was in for 6 years- I wouldn’t want to jump right back into another long term one either- Maybe she is just having fun- chilling out- why not go out and have fun. I see nothing wrong with it- as long as she is being safe. I have a friend who is doing the same- Although she isn’t looking at men for money—just for fun out. She was with a real as$ for a long time- finally left him about a year ago- and now she is out a lot- partying- making new friends- dating- I love it- She is a new person. I’m sure your friend will settle down for love when she is ready
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
14 Jun 07
good point...I hope she will....:)
1 person likes this
@adidas7878 (2013)
• United States
10 Jun 07
i would just date not for love if i am 10 years younger and rich and has no worry lol, wait that is not me i date girls because i like them not because she has money. most of the time is the other way around i have more money than she does
1 person likes this
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
10 Jun 07
my girlfriend wants someone to support her...and this is all she cares right now....
• United States
9 Jun 07
What I think is that you can really change her taste but maybe you should go out on a date with just a normal ole guy and show her how fun it can.
1 person likes this
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
9 Jun 07
she never date normal guys...that's the problem...
@Lakota12 (42681)
• United States
10 Jun 07
oh Y a got a good one there she just need to set back and look at what she is doing the rich guys are out for one thing they arent gonna be good one she needs to find one that will always be there for her money is not love and I would go out with them and tear him down with snide remakes lol
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
10 Jun 07
you are very wise and I agree with you...
@Lakota12 (42681)
• United States
11 Jun 07
thanks
1 person likes this
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
11 Jun 07
you are always wise and nice to all users...thank you..:))
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
9 Jun 07
I don't think that you can change her habit of dating. I want to ask you a question: Does she know what is love? Did she ever experience true love? Maybe the answer to the question of why does she only date guys for the material reasons is in the answers to those questions i asked. It is clear that she is affraid to be in touch with her feelings, maybe she is affraid of being hurt, or maybe she was hurt in the past. It is the easier path to go through- to date guys for their money. No feelings involved and she does not have to deal with her true fears. You can not do anything here that can help her, accept talk to her and ask her what is she fearing of? and why? It is a process that she has to solve with herself. And i am sure that she is aware of it, but does not want to do that in this stage of her life. Tell her that life is short, and she should experience love. What is the world without this wonderful and painful dualistic feeling?
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
9 Jun 07
her husband left her for someone else....
1 person likes this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
9 Jun 07
I see.. that is a difficult situation I really hope that she will fall in love again but first she really has to open herself to those feelings I hope that she will be able to do that in the future
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
9 Jun 07
It was about 6 years ago, but she is still thinking and talking about..... Her ex was jerk anyway....but maybe she thinks that all are the same....
1 person likes this
• United States
9 Jun 07
I wouldn't date just for date. I don't know how to help your friend. Buy her good book about dating, maybe.
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
9 Jun 07
ok, book sounds good....
1 person likes this
• United States
10 Jun 07
recomand book "dating for Idiot" ?
@maribea (2366)
• Italy
17 Jun 07
oh I cannot call myself an expert in love field but anyway it seems me so strange that one can go out with men only because they are rich and so on..I mean, maybe she is an easy going person and likes going out just to meet new people and then if she doesn't like them, she is ready to stop seeing them. Going out together is a good way to further know a person, but of course then you have to choose if you want to date him or not..maybe she is only confused or she suffered a lot and now she acts like a men-eater to protect herself..you know her well enough to understand what kind of person she is and what she hides in her heart..
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
17 Jun 07
she wants to find rich husband, but I don't think it is right...
@LittleMel (14037)
• Canada
15 Jun 07
I know a lot of people like this when I was in school and the university. But at work I only know one, she is really beautiful. her skin is very fair and well taken care of, her hair is long black and treated. her bf was not rich but the boss seemed to like her and had her accompanied him many times. I'm not interested with this kind of people and so I'm not bothered trying to help them. Do you think they need help? why? that's just their personalities
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
16 Jun 07
I think you are right....I am tired of this pattern... Maybe she asks for help, but she doesn't need help.
• Hong Kong
10 Jun 07
You must love your friend, but I would say it's very hard to change one's mentality. Even if she is in love with the guy's money, it's her own choice and it's her lifestyle. I have known some girls like that too, I wouldn't say a thing because I know it's her own life and she has to make her own choices. I don't agree with the lifestyle but as a friend, I would be there to listen and to share. She would change when she wants to change or when she sees problems with her behavior. As long as she is happy with her life and her man, it's fine.
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
10 Jun 07
..she isn't happy...
• United States
9 Jun 07
You gotta hand it to a girl that knows when it's time to quit! Mr. Right will come along and she will quit jumping. I feel that she should not settle for someone that doesn't make her want to STOP moving along. How can you date for love? Love takes time to develop, and I believe you have to date awhile to see if it can develop. Can you really be "in love" with a new guy? Doesn't it really take time, to get to know each other, before love comes?
@polachicago (19073)
• United States
10 Jun 07
she is dating man without any passion or affection...she doesn't even like them....hard to explain...