Is this really my role???

My son and 2 of my Grandchildren - This is a photo of my son who just turned 5 in May with my 8 year old grandson and my 7 year old granddaughter...these are my daughter's children whom I keep quite frequently....
United States
June 9, 2007 12:26pm CST
I am really confused....I was never one to leave my children with someone else much....with the exception of when I was working...,.then I always tried to work the hours they were in school so I was there for them when they were home.... My 5 year old has only been away from us 2 nights in his entire life....we just do not leave our kids... But, I frequently provide childcare for my grandkids.....yesterday, I kept my 8 yr. old grandson and my 7 yr.old granddaughter..... When their mother arrived home from work...I told her that I had difficulty with the oldest one all day long, he seems to thrive on irritating the younger children....I did timeouts and tried talking to him...needless to say, I was very stressed out by the time my daughter arrived.... I sat down with my daughter and exlained that I was not happy with his behavior and felt that she should intervene...she does not share this opinion with me ...she believes that whatever happens here should be my responsibility to take care of...with no input from her.... Am I crazy??? Is this really my role??? I am not their parent....when I was raising my rown children and even now, with my baby...if they misbehaved somewhere else...they paid for it with me as well...... Do the rest of you feel the same way as my daughter?? Am I wrong? Someone please tell me... I know that I have always taken an active role with my children and grandchildren...my family is the most important thing in my life....this is really bothering me....aren't I being helpful here by trying to provide her with family daycare...for free I might add...I love my grndchildren....but I do not feel that she is giving me the proper respect and support here..... She left here last night telling me that if her son was too much for me to handle then she would try to find daycare elsewhere for them....I do not want that...I want some parental support in the disciplining of her children.... What do ya'll think.....I have to know....I need some peace of mind here......
12 people like this
26 responses
Sherry12
@Sherry12 (2472)
• United States
9 Jun 07
I babysit my grandchildren when they were living in the same town as us. I think they need to know that they have to mind you the same way they mind their parents. Especially, since you have your own son there, you are going to have to discipline them all the same. My youngest son and oldest grandson are also close in age. Your grandson is probably thinking he can get away with more since your grandma. Your daughter is going to have to make sure he knows that he has to mind you. I'm afraid I kind of disagree with you, I think in this case you are going to have to be a parent when you are babysitting them. That was the only way I could deal with it. But, she is going to have to back you up with this and make sure the kids understand they have to mind you. Anyway, that is just my opinion and experience with a similar situation.
4 people like this
tinamwhite
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
9 Jun 07
Thank you, Sherry.....She does tell them that they have to listen to me....and she usually does not say anything about the care that they receive here.....He was so horrible yesterday....but we all have bad days too....maybe, I just did not recognise the problem.... As a general rule...the rules apply to any and all children that are here...there is no special treatment for any one of them....including ( or possibly, especially) mine....I do expect more from him....he knows!!! OMG....I am just such a MOM!!! Maybe we both had a bad day yesterday.... Thanks for sharing with me....I appreciate it....I know alot of women like us, who had a late child....it is really great....so different.....but gosh, I get so much from him.....LOL
2 people like this
foxyfire33
@foxyfire33 (10005)
• United States
9 Jun 07
Wow, that's a tough one. I kind of see her point since if you don't do the discipline yourself, he might think he can get away with more at your house BUT that doesn't mean she shouldn't be stepping in and handling it ALSO as soon as she gets home. I think you are providing more for your daughter and grandchildren than most grandparents do and your daughter is simply not appreciating that as much as she should. Maybe you could try a little reverse psychology with her about all of this. Instead of saying that YOU are having a hard time dealing with his behavior, explain that you're worried that he may be more difficult for HER if the two aren't on the same page. Let her know that if he gets to go all day with out her discipline he may think he can pull the same thing when she is around. Tell her that you will correct what needs to be corrected (like you won't just sit there and watch him hit another child of course!) but you think it would be best if she handled the bigger more long term discipline so he (and the other children) don't lose respect for her. If in the end she still goes with the daycare option, let her. It may sound harsh but I'm sure before long she'll realize that having you watch them was the far better option and she'll WANT to work something out with you again...and I'm sure she'll appreciate you more then too! Hope it all works out for you!
3 people like this
tinamwhite
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
10 Jun 07
Hi Foxyfre, I been missing you!!! I do discipline them when they are here...gosh, they are here almost everday since she moved back to town; got a job and her apartment here now.... They came out this afternoon...she says that I was really grippy about it last night...I might have been..I was tired and stressed....so it is possible...hard to imagine...but possible...LMAO I also think that there are times when he is a handful for her and she may be having trouble with him, herself....of course, if I am complaining about his behavior....she can not...see what I mean??? Anyways, I think that might be part of it.... He apologized, huggs and kisses this afternoon when he was here....I know he and I will be back to normal again when he returns tomorrow.... I think I will just do what I am supposed to in taking care of things when they are here....and let them discuss it with her if they want to...see how she likes that.... She has been through alot lately...maybe he and I just simply had a bad day yesterday...and she did not know how to handle both of us in her face...so to say!!! LOL Thank you, my friend....I appreciate what you are saying...both of her children want to be here....they are normal children and it is fun at Nana's and Papa's house...so many things to do and since Dad and I do not really work anymore....we go camping and stuff like that often...in fact, we will be leaving for 4-5 days on Wednesday the 13th...... Thank you, my friend....I appreciate you showing so much support for her....she really irritates me sometimes...but 2 weeks ago I went and got her from a really bad situation.....maybe I am rushing her....but I think more than that my grandson is still trying to get back on his feet too.....maybe I need to slow down alittle and not react....and see clearer..... I am sure it will all work out...It always does eventually...
1 person likes this
melissacus
@melissacus (441)
• United States
9 Jun 07
Well, I suppose there's really nothing you can do. I mean, you can't force your daugther to see things your way, but one day she will see the outcome of her actions, or lack of actions. You're not the kids mother, she is. You shouldn't have to punish them because it really isn't your place. If I was her I would be very thankful that you told me what you did. She needs to act like a parent and point her kids in the right direction rather than saying it's your responsibility when they're at your house...that doesn't change the fact that she's the one who gave birth to them. If she doesn't start taking some action her kids are never going to learn to respect her.
3 people like this
tinamwhite
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
9 Jun 07
No, you are right...I can not force her to see things my way....LOL I am, in my opinion, the next best thing to their mother though...I have been a huge part of their life...and I know that she and I have always agreed about the disciplining when at my house.... That really was not the problem....he gave me such a hard time yesterday...I just wanted her to acknowledge that he can be difficult and discuss with him that he how he is SUPPOSED to act when not at home...even if it is just at Nana's house....
2 people like this
babyangie27
@babyangie27 (5176)
• United States
9 Jun 07
I think she needs to look at it from your point of view and I don't think she appreates what you are doing for her. I am a step mother and even when my hubby isn't home and I have his kids I put them in time outs or whatever then when he gets home he disaplines them in whichever way he sees fit. I think your daughter should be speaking with her kids about their behavior. This is not just your role,this is something she must start to deal with,if she fails to do so,she will start to have problems dealing with them also because they will nolonger see her in an aurthority role. I'm sorry I can't spell well and I hope I made sense and was some help. Keep me updated,God bless,my friend.
3 people like this
tinamwhite
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
9 Jun 07
Don't worry about the spelling, my friend...I got what you are saying... Thanks for the suppport, my friend....I do discipline him...when he is at my house...all I wanted was some support from her and what I got was the equivalent of "leave me alone"...she basically told me when he is here...he is my problem...which might not have been horrible....I mean it does express alot of trust inmy judgement....but she said it in front of him which in my opinion just made it worse.... She also has problems dealing with him sometimes...maube, I am looking at this wrong and SHE is needing my help in getting him under control....I guess, I will think about that for awhile.. She says she talked to him.....guess, we go from here...thanks for sharing with me, Hun.....
3 people like this
golfproo
@golfproo (1839)
• Canada
9 Jun 07
You are totally right here. Your daughter should absolutely be stepping in. A conference with you, your daughter, and your grandson seems to be what is needed. You are doing everyone a great favour and that needs to be recognized. I also respect the fact that you do not want your grandson to go to daycare but would prefer he stay with you. Not many people are that tolerant. I think a heart to heart is about do as you are totally in the right. cheers,
3 people like this
tinamwhite
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
9 Jun 07
They came out this afternoon for awhile...my grandson apologised and said he knew he was wrong yesterday....kisses and huggss all around.... As for my daughter...she just does not get what I am saying yet.......I know that she has difficulty with his behavior sometimes too...I am thinking that she is so over-whelmed that she does not know what to do with him either....he will not fo to daycare....not in the same town I live in...THAT will not happen....I am not done with her yet....we will work it out though... Hubby and I have decided to take the kids camping with us this next week for 4-5 days.....they will have a blast....so I have been cleaning the camper today....in preparation.... Thanks for understanding the aggrevation I was feeling when I posted this discussion, my friend....
2 people like this
mon_aranha
@mon_aranha (39)
• Ecuador
9 Jun 07
I think that kids are responsibility of their parents and they are the ones to take care, discipline, and nurture them. I mean, the main providers. If your daughter decides to get help to fulfill HER responsibilities I think it's OK, if she needs to work. But it's also HER responsibility to find the best place fot their children and make sure to solve their problems and be present as the primary authority. It is not that your grandchildren are your responsibility while with you, but rather are HER responsility (that you're helping to fulfill). The same in a daycare. Children should have a clear primary authority and we parents are the ones called by nature for this role. Try to explain her that you accept HELPING her, but can not assume the whole responsibility of raising HER children. (nobody nor daycare providers can assume this responsibility for other parents' children. That is called adoption) I wouldn't try to blame her but rather tell her that you want the best for your grandchildren and that you respect and support her parenting choices.
3 people like this
tinamwhite
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
9 Jun 07
I am a very strong mother....we do not always agree about how things should be....She knows that I want the best for the kids....she knows that while I do not want to raise her children while she is able...but would gladly do so if for some reason she could not..... I don't really know why we disagreed...today...she told me that I was really grippy about it last night....I was exhausted and stressed...maybe, I did not convey the message clearly to her....we will talk about it again...
2 people like this
tammytwo
@tammytwo (4298)
• United States
10 Jun 07
I think she should help you out. If my children misbehave at school and get in trouble they get in trouble at home as well. It should be that way with daycare. Your grandson needs to know that he can't get away with this and you need his parents support with that.
2 people like this
tinamwhite
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
10 Jun 07
Thanks Tammytwo....She has talked to him....and he has apologized....possibly we all had bad days that day...it happens....we are not always at our very best...LOL She is supportive of me...just not always the way or at the time I want her to be....she has her own way of doing things.... Thank you for sharing your thoughts on the situation...I appreciate it.
webeishere
@webeishere (36313)
• United States
9 Jun 07
My Grandsons - Hunter (6) on the left and Tyler (8) on the right taken at the Duluth Minnesota Harbor
I am the opposite of this. I have my grandsons over ever so often also. They are 6 and 8. When they are in MY house the abide by my rules. Not mommys. Mommy isn't here and she doesn't run this house so they have to do what's expected of them at grandpa Bobs and grandma Debs. I have yet to have a problem with this way. My daughter understands fully also. They step out of line they get grandpas punishments not mommys. Hahaha! It's worked great so far. So my opinion is the same, it is your house, they abide by your rules. If mom can't change their behavior in your house then the foot comes down and YOU change the way they act in your house at any means I feel. Like I said, it works with my grandsons. HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
2 people like this
webeishere
@webeishere (36313)
• United States
9 Jun 07
I say the next time you watch them just don't say anything to her if they misbehave. Take the issue into your hands then it's over. She doesn't need to know unless the child says something. Good luck next time also.
2 people like this
tinamwhite
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
9 Jun 07
Maybe that is what I did wrong....I should have just kept it to myself and dealt with his little self..... Thanx, my friend....
2 people like this
tinamwhite
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
9 Jun 07
That is the same way it works here too.....I was trying to express to her that I had problems with him all day...her attitude that it was my problem and saying so in front of him was what started this whole thing... I have a 5 yr.old son....so it is constant between them two sometimes...I just want to scream.....usually I put them both to work...you know what mean....go pick up the trash out of the yard.....go clean up your messes in the bedroom.......go help Papa with the care of the animals....fun stuff to make them think about getting along and being able to play.....we have taken them swimming the past 2 days and they wanted to go yesterday....we had strong winds... Anyway, I am planning a littlw one-on-one with both of them......I been doing this for too long to get this reaction...they both know me.....he admitted that he was wrong last night....he apologised this afternoon when I saw him.....she and I will reach an agreement.....the kids are going camping with me next week for 4-5 days....awwww life goes on....LOL
2 people like this
samtaylorskykierajen
@samtaylorskykierajen (7977)
• Canada
10 Jun 07
Your daughter is wrong in feeling that it is only your responsibility , all this is doing is showing her child that he can get away with whatever when she is not around . This is a very lazy way of dealing with one's children and the older he gets the harder time she is going to have in trying to control him because she isn't taking the time to say anything to him while he is still young . I can understand your frustration . When someone tells me that my children have misbehaved they know that there will be consequences with me as well as where ever it is they are staying .
2 people like this
tinamwhite
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
10 Jun 07
She ultimately did talk to him...that evening when they got home....I knew that she would...I guess I was just so upset about the way the day went...that I wanted instant affirmation of my feelings.....that was not really fair....but she could have given me that one...LOL My grandson, apologized yesterday and we talked about it...he knows what is expected of him.... It will all work out....thanks for sharing your feelings with me, I appreciate it.
charms88
@charms88 (7538)
• Philippines
10 Jun 07
I know what you mean, tinam. I also have the same dilemma with my sister's daughter. My sister is working a full time job while I'm working at the convenience of my own home. She will always drop my niece here every morning. Being a mother is no chicken work. I have two of my own and both behave perfectly well. But my niece is different. She has wild streak in her bones. Whenever I recounted to my sister what her daughter did for the day, instead of telling me to be more patience, she will be upset. I love my niece, tinam. But my relationship with my sister is getting stressful because of her. I have no choice but to tell my sister that I can't accept this kind of set up anymore. They can visit me from time to time but not like this. Believe it or not, my house finally have some semblance of peace after my sister stopped letting her daughter in my care. You have your own choice, tinam. You are not obligated to do everything. If you can't find any peace, then let your daughter decide where to place your grandson.
2 people like this
tinamwhite
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
10 Jun 07
Thank you , my friend.... I also believe that children can cause stress in a realtionship at times....they are a common cause of high emotion....we all tend to become very defensive with regards to our children at times.... I think that I was tired and disppointed with him and when I attempted to relay this to her....she was tired from work.....and it was a bad situation from there...we did not fight and argue about it...but feelings were hurt momentarily by both.... She ultimately did discuss this situation with her son....he has apologized... I feel that my daughter knows how I feel and how I tend to raise (discipline) children...and having a 5 yr. old at home...adding 2 more will commonly make for a hectic day...HAHA She gives me total control when they are here and I should have known that her seeing me upset by something her shild had done...would prevoke a response in that child's direction.....which she did...JUST not when I wanted her too....LOL Thanks for your support, my friend...and for sharing a part of yourself as well....I think we will work it all out....After seeing them yesterday, I feel better already...
MagdalenaM
@MagdalenaM (681)
• United States
10 Jun 07
Hello Tina, You are right, your daughter should see your point of view and discipline her children herself. However, it may also be the case that she trusts you to the point that she gives you free hand to discipline her child - or that she has a lot on her mind and simply does not want to deal with that problem at the moment, which is wrong because one must not cover a problem with another. I feel an open talk with her may in fact make her see what she is doing wrong, I hope. Best wishes, Magdalena
2 people like this
tinamwhite
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
10 Jun 07
Yes, my friend ....I believe that you are correct....she does trust me completely with her children....it is really quite a comliment.... I believe that she was tired having just come home from work....I was upset with her son....I did not stop to see that she was tired too.....I wanted afermantion of my feeling and she did not give me that at the moment and it make me feel worse.... She did take her son home and talk to him....he has been told that the order of authority in his life is Momma first and Nana second....everyone else after that...and I know that....he has apologized for his behavior..and we are back to normal......for now....LOL Thanks so much for your support, Magdalena
mummyofthree
@mummyofthree (2715)
•
10 Jun 07
Honestly..... It sounds like your daughter is taking advantage of your good nature. This may not be intentional. Let her put the eldest in to day care if she refuses to back you up n this issue. She will soon learn to appreciate what you do for her and the children. I am with you on this one. If my kids misbehaved whilst in someone elses care I would definately discipline them and discuss their behaviour with them. This should be your time for life. To do all the things you never had chance to before you had children. I think it is great that you are so active in your grandchildrens lives... but they are your daughters children and ultimately her responsibility. Good luck!
2 people like this
tinamwhite
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
10 Jun 07
Thank you, my friend.....I am feeling better now...I saw my daughter and her children yesterday....he apologized for his misbehaving the other day and said that his mother had talked to him... I do alot for my children and their children...I am very active in all of their lives....I love playing this important role....there are times when, like everyone else, things work on me...stress me out....upset me... Since I have a 5 yr. old at home....I really like having my daughter's children here often....my other grandchildren live in another state 5 hours away....I still see them a least every couple of months....and I talk to their father a least weekly.... I know that all of my children are very comfortable with me providing care of their children....and they appreciate (most of the time) them being with family who cares about them....I believe that she was tired from work that day....and I was upset with her son & tired, she did ultimately talk to him .....she just did not do it when I wanted her to....maybe I was so involved with my feelings at the time...I did not recognize the same in her .... Thanks my friend, for sharing your thoughts with me....
archer1811
@archer1811 (1098)
• Philippines
10 Jun 07
you actually have point on disciplining your grandson, as of now i have a 5 yr old son, and on his age, i never leave him elsewhere only in my house when im on my work, but i never experience sleeping without him on my side, maybe your daughter just misunderstood you and the time that she arrived and you tell her about his son, she's not on the mood and most of all tired of a whole day work and travelling home..
2 people like this
tinamwhite
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
10 Jun 07
I do believe this to be the situation which occurred that evening.....She ultimately did back me up and talk to her son....he has apologized.....life goes on....I feel better.... Thank you, for sharing with me......I also have a 5 year old son at home!! Take care...until we meet again....
lexus54
@lexus54 (3572)
• Singapore
10 Jun 07
Tina, I guess none of us envy you for the trying situation you went through babysitting your daughter's children. It's tough to look after kids sometimes, especially at an age where they are hyper-active and usually playful. No matter what happens, your daughter needs to appreciate you for looking after her kids while she is at work. Not all daughters have the privilege of having their mothers babysit their children, and this privilege should not be taken for granted. This appreciation means that she should be understanding of the difficulties you go through with them. She doesn't seem to be showing enough of that here. But I don't think your daughter is trying to pass the responsibility of parenting her kids to you from the way she reacted to your feedback. I feel what she is trying to convey is that when her children are in your care, you have all the latitude to do what you deem fit to handle them, even if it means disciplining them. But if her kids have been uncontrollable, and you have experienced a hard time with them, I feel she should take some responsibility in speaking to them as their parent, and not just brush off the situation as though you were incompetent or hasn't done enough. That would not be right on her part. Her reaction about possibly finding alternative daycare elsewhere is probably just a knee-jerk reaction. You know how people instinctively react sometimes when things do not go well. But it must have hurt you nevertheless. I can feel that in your message. I think when your daughter sits down and properly appraise the situation, she will learn to appreciate you better for helping her out with her children.
2 people like this
tinamwhite
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
10 Jun 07
Lexus, my friend....you are very wise....she does completely trust my judgement with her children unconditionally.....I know that and it is a point of pride with me....the daycare statement was unltimately her way of giving me an "out"....although at the time it did hurt my feelings and made me feel inadequate as a granparent....that I was unable to "deal" with the stress of the day...all children have days where their behavior is not what we want it to be.... I do believe in my heart that she not only knows what I do for her but that she appreciates it....not always on my terms...she usually does what I expected of her....just not always when or how I would have done it and that can be irritating....but not necessarily wrong.. My grandson has apologized for his behavior and said that his mother had talked to him....he knows what we both expect from him.... I thank you for your support and your wisdom, my friend...I truly appreciate you......
lexus54
@lexus54 (3572)
• Singapore
10 Jun 07
It's great to read this positive update from you. As the saying goes, it's "all's well, that ends well". I've no doubt your daughter will very much prefer her children to be in your care than with someone else in some daycare centre, even if she doesn't say so. Years later, when this boy has grown up, you can look back with pride and say that you have helped look after him since he was a little boy. Goodnight. I have to sleep now, cos it is nearly 1am here. Victor
Gabs
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
23 Jun 07
Your Daughter is wrong there yes you can discipline him but it is up to her to sort him out if he still does not behave She has to make it clear to him it is her responsibility not yours and it sounds like she is pushing it to you You need to make that clear to her you don't mind looking after them but it is up to her to get him sorted
1 person likes this
Gabs
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
23 Jun 07
Oh I am so glad about that Hugs to you both
tinamwhite
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
23 Jun 07
Thank you, my new friend....She and I have sat down and had a "coming to Jesus party"....I feel like we have reach an acceptable understanding of the roles expected by each other and we will be better able to handle this should it ever come up again...LOL
1 person likes this
bobbyjoe143
@bobbyjoe143 (1287)
•
10 Jun 07
this is how it has worked for me and my mum. when my younger sisters were in primary school and my mum needed to work for financial reasons, i looked after them. disceplin was down to me within reason while they were in my care (i am alot older than my sisters by the way). i was allowed to separate them, refuse things like toys or t.v. ect (no physical punishments were given out). when i had my son, and i wanted to work, my mother took on the role of looking after kids, she looked after my son, and while he was in her care, she disceplined him, again within reason, no smacking ect. if you have your grandchildren and they misbehave, you need to deal with the situation as you see fit. it is important that punishments of any kind are handed out at the time of offense rather that waiting til their mother gets back. you should feel glad that your daughter trusts you enough to disceplin her children, she knows that you wont be too heavt handed and you will only be doing it for the right reasons.
1 person likes this
tinamwhite
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
10 Jun 07
You are right, Bobbyjoe.....I do feel pride in the fact that my daughter feels completely at ease with my forms of discipline and realizes that I want only the best for all of them.... She did of course, discuss his behavior with him....as I knew she would...if I had just given her the chance...but at the time...I needed her to acknowledge that I had a hard day.... Your response makes alot of sense to me, thank you again.
66jerseygirl
@66jerseygirl (3877)
• United States
10 Jun 07
Hello,my friend. I hope you don't mind me being blunt but you have done nothing wrong. You have been good enough to open your door to her in a bad situation and she should not be giving you grief about this. If her son misbehaved,she should have gotten after him about.she is the parent,not you. she is not giving you very much respect and that's not right.I hate to say this but if she wants to send them to a good daycare maybe it's better. you have enough problems with adding a misbehaving child. maybe you will be lucky and it was just a bad day, i think i will have to say a double prayer for you,lol
2 people like this
tinamwhite
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
10 Jun 07
Thank you, my friend.... When they came out today, my grandson apologized, kisses and hugs....I think we are alright.. My daughter said that she had talked to him....but she still thinks that I was grippy last night...I probably was...I had a tough day... I am trying to remember that 2 weeks ago, she fell on her face and had to move back here...she has since gotten a job and an apartment...this situation had to be difficult for the children too...that in no way excuses his behavior yesterday, I am very disappointed in him and he has been told....by me...just how I feel about things... he knew....maybe this little "move" has caussed him to need reinforcement of his boundaries....or that is what I have decided to believe....LOL It will work out...she does know what I do for her...and there are moments when she tells me and other times when she shows me....they are not always when or how I want her too....(wonder where she gets that from)but we both know that she is aware....and appreciates it....again, not always on my terms...if that makes sense.... Thank you for being here for me...I only seem to start discussions when my mind is in turmoil....sure hope I am able to overcome that soon...LOL Take care, my special friend.....XOXOXO
1 person likes this
lillake
@lillake (1630)
• United States
10 Jun 07
For me, if my children act up at their grandparents i do expect their grandparents to take care of that. Not because I want them to be the parents but because they are in charge at the time and they are close family. However, i do want to be told of what happened afterwards so i can make the choice of whether I feel it needs tp be further cared for by me.
2 people like this
tinamwhite
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
10 Jun 07
That simple statement that you have made is all I really wanted from my daughter at the time...recognition of my feelings at the time and a promise to discuss it with him.. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me...I appreciate it.
1 person likes this
KissThis
@KissThis (3003)
• United States
11 Jun 07
It sounds to me that your daughter might be frustrated and not sure what to do. My mom use to babysit for my brother and I at the same time so I kinda know how you both feel. When I would come home and my mom would tell me what the children had done wrong while I was gone I would get frustrated because I felt that there wasn't much that I could do about something they did hours before I got home and because I had to work so my mom was stuck doing my job as a parent. One thing that started to work for all of us was that the punishment followed the children. If a child lost their gameboy while grandma was babysitting then they didn't get it back until the next day as grandma said. Maybe you and your daughter could do something like this. No, your not wrong with the way that you feel. I truly believe that your daughter is frustrated and you both need to take a moment to look at it from one another's point of view. Your grandson needs to know that if he doesn't behave for grandma that he will also be in trouble with his mom as well.
1 person likes this
tinamwhite
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
12 Jun 07
I truly believe that both of were frustrated...she was frustrated because she did not know what to do about things that had happened several hours before....I was frustrated because I wanted immediate affirmation that she was supportive of me.... Of course, she was....just not when I wanted her to be...and my expectations were unrealistic at the time... Of course, she did talk to him....she did support me....he knew then and has again been reminded that when at Nana's house her rules are to be followed and if not followed, then he is also in troublw with Mom... That is exactly what we have decided to do in this situation, my friend...thank you for your support...I appreciate it.... I have been having problems adding comments to my responses over the past few days...I hope that myLot gets this glitch fixed soon...it is annoying when you type out a great response only to have it deleted..LOL
beautyqueen26
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I'm in total agreement with you on this one. If I'm not reading it wrong, it looks like your grandson knows that his mom isn't going to make a big deal when he acts up at your house. Maybe that's why he does it? Don't want to sound mean, so I hope it doesn't come across that way. I've got a 3 1/2 year old, and she is always pitting mommy and daddy against each other, with her antics! LOL! She acts up when it's just her and me at the house, and her daddy is at work. And, she knows that her daddy is not going to make a big deal over anything she does as long as he doesn't see her do it! Kids are pretty smart, that way. Even the little ones. Wish I had some more advice on that one. But, if it were my kid, I'd certainly be interested in what he or she were doing at someone else's home, because that reflects badly on me as a mom! I am sure everything will work out well. Be well, and best of luck with your family.
1 person likes this
tinamwhite
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Me and my daughter had a long talk...then he and I talked...she and him talked and things seem to have worked out... I still have occasional problems with him...but nothing like that day...I was literally at my wits end... Thanks so much, my friend...I appreciate the support...