i just kept runnin b-cuz i knew he would kill me!!!!!
June 10, 2007 7:12pm CST
I want to tell you all a story about me! I come from the typical scenario. Drunken Dad & Abusive mother equals broken home. I left home at 16 because my mother had beaten the crap out of me, one of many times since I was a child, and I decided to defend myself one day. She spent all of our child support on herself and was upset with me because I would not give her money I had earned from working. Apparently that made me a spoiled brat and I deserved to be punished. I was 5 inches taller than her and much stronger but I did not put my hands on her. I simply pinned her to the ground and told her I didn't deserve to be hit and she was never going to put her hands on me again. That's when she threw me out of the house. I spent a couple of years living from my drunken fathers house to friends house sleeping on couches or the floor. By the end of it all that's when I met him. I was lost and had no direction. He was 10 years older than I was. At first everything was so nice. He taught me how to find a good job, how to make good decisions, manage my money and said he would always be there for me and love me. I fell in love fast and I thought he was the smartest wisest man I knew. Of course the only male role model in my life. I was 18! After a few months went by he said you know what, I want to move you to the state where I'm from and take you away from all the pain your family is causing you because they don't care about what happens to you. Mind you we were on the west coast and he was from the east coast. Like an idiot I went. When we moved there that is when things started to change. He hit me for the first time coming from a Bar B Q. I can still remember seeing his fist coming torwards my face and the pain and blood that came after. When I hit the stairs he stomped me until I couldn't breath. I still don't remember what I did that made him so mad. He never answered me and I was in too much shock to push the issue. This is where your mouths are going to drop. I put up with this type of relationship and him hitting me almost daily for 7 YEARS! Yes, 7 YEARS! There were some moments I thought I was going to die because he beat me so bad. When it snowed and it was 10 degrees outside he would come home some nights, drunk and high, and be convinced I was out to get him. He would beat me out of my sleep, throw me out on the stoop for about 4 hours, locking the door so I couldn't get in and wearing nothing but thin PJ's. I soon learned how to sleep with 2 pairs of sweats and 2 sweatshirts on at night. He would say things like why do you make me hit you or I hit you because I love you and you need someone to teach you. I was told I was dumb, I was nothing without him, I was a stupid ho. One night I changed it all. I was taking a bath and he came into the bath tub to ask me if I opened the door for anyone. He dealt drugs and didn't want me going near the door. I told him I didn't but a junkie lied and told him I did so he didn't believe me. I was in the middle of washing my face and my eyes were close so there was complete darkness. All of a sudden I felt a sting of pain run through my entire face and I saw nothing but white lights through the darkness. He had punched me in my face. At the moment I realized what he had done I felt again the pain and saw the lights. He hit me again. I heard him leave and slam the bathroom door. I frantically washed my face so I could see where he was and I quickly leaped out of the bath tub. I went to put my clothes on quickly from that day without even drying off but he came in and stopped me. He grabbed me by my hair, threw me against the door and pinned me by my throat to the door with my toes barely touching the floor. I couldn't breath and everything he was yelling at me started to become mumble jumble as I started to loose consiousness. He punched me under my jaw and proceeded to throw me out of the house. I thought Oh My God, he his going to throw me out into the streets naked. I begged and pleaded and in the process managed to grab the shirt and pants sitting on the counter as he dragged me out of the bathroom, through the hallway and down the stairs by my hair. Somehow by miracle I was able to put the pants on before he through me out and after I rolled down the concrete stairs outside I put on the thin white t-shirt. Did I mention it was raining and I had no bra on. No socks, No Shoes. I stood there in shock for a split second before a voice in my head told me to RUN! Thats when I just ran I didn't have time to think, I just ran. The rain hit my face like needles and my bare feet were getting cut up but I didn't feel the pain. I just ran and ran until I found a dark corner with a pay phone to call for help. I didn't know who to call. I wasn't allowed to have friends or contact with anyone. Who was I to call. Just then the phone number of my child hood friend popped in my head. I prayed that her parents still lived there. The phone rang and her mothers voice that answered sounded like an angel. I was saved! They payed for a hotel room for me to stay for the night because it was 3am. I told the attendant what happened and to please not tell anyone I was there. He agreed. He phoned not too much later saying my boyfriend came by looking for me and he told him I was not staying here. I slept that night with one eye opened and the next my friend payed for my cab to the bus station. I bought a pair of sandles at the grocery store with my eyes on the look out, hopped in the cab with my head down and got to the station. I didn't breath until the bus left the state a few hours later. When I reached the state I was headed to and I saw my friend, the fear and butterflies had left my stomach. I was on my way to a new life! A life with out him!!!! I know you all are probably wondering, HOW COULD YOU PUT UP WITH THAT FOR SO LONG? How could you let a man put his hands on you for 7 years and not do anything about it? I ask myself the same question. I had let him get into my head when I was young, get into my head all those years and the truth is at the time I believed the things he would tell me. I believed I really was stupid and I thought I really did make him hit me. It is nothing but a mind control game to them. I told my story because this has to stop. I had no one to tell me baby girl, you don't deserve that. No one taught me as a young lady that you never let a man put his hands on you. My mother put her hands on me my whole life and that's how I thought people expressed themselves. I never really experienced real love from anyone. Fortunately for me I wised up and figured out that I deserved better and there were better things out there for me. Other's are not so fortunate and they never get the chance to realize their life could be better because it was too late for them and now they're dead. This is a topic we as woman do not acknowledge enough. There are so many woman getting abused or dying because of spousal abuse. I open discussion for any one who wants to give their opinions, suggestions or if you simply want to comment on my story. If you are in an abusive relationship and you want out or you need help let me know. There are so many ways to sneak out or get away even if you have children. If you have suggestions on how someone can get out via help numbers, support groups, or ANYTHING HELPFUL please post them on my discussion. Do research, help out! So many woman are dying! We need to stick together and not put up with this anymore. Help your fellow Sisters. Even telling your stories weather your currently in one or how you got out of one helps. It's time we stop turning the other cheek and be aware. I know not all men are like that and your opinions and suggestions are welcomed as well. We need to start caring on a subject that has been overlooked for too long and it's gone too far. PLEASE HELP and if you need help PLEASE ASK. I am here for you!