So you charge your older children rent, (room/board)......

United States
June 11, 2007 6:32am CST
or as parents, do we "owe" them shelter and food. when your children reach the age of 18 and graduate high school, would start charging them a small rental charge for their room and board? i feel that as long as they are still a student, i.e. going to college full time, that i am responsible for them. once they are no longer taking any classes, i feel we should be able to ask a small amount to help out with the monthly housing bills. does it not teach them responsibility? my youngest daughter is still in college, but her boyfriend is living with us and he is not. he does very little to help around the house, even when asked. he won't even take out their own garbage. then, they leave the air conditioning running all night in their room, which actually is a three room suite, and i'm stuck with the electric bill. the wife and i don't even have a/c in our room. i also have my 27 y/o son who just recently moved back in with us. he moved in last month and gave us $200 to "help" us out. so far this month i haven't seen a thing. should i have to ask for his "help" again? i don't feel that i should, but i guess i will have to. sometimes i feel guilty about feeling like this, but it only seems right. what do you folks think and how would you handle a situation like mine?
2 people like this
7 responses
@coolseeds (3921)
• United States
12 Jun 07
No you don't need to ask for rent. You should to expect it. I know someone who has expected their children to buy soap and shampoo with an amounted given to them each month to teach them how to manage money. It only makes it easier for them to survive in this world. I know someone who has 4 children living at home. The ages are as follows: 40, 39, 38 and 36. They do not pay or contribute very much. One doesn't even work and has not it 6 years or more. If it were me the grass would be mowed, dishes clean and the trash would be out. If not... they would be looking for a place to live. I shouldn't have to ask a grown up to do what is necessary. I would be damned before I support someone else's child. If you do not agree with me, do you have an extra room for me to move in as well?
3 people like this
• United States
14 Jun 07
oh, i totally agree with you. but how do you tell your children, "there's the door"? i don't want to alienate them.
1 person likes this
@LadyDulce (830)
• United States
11 Jun 07
First off, why is your daughter's bf living with you? Does he not have parents of his own? And if he's not in college, he ought to be working and living in his own house. Secondly, your son should definitely be paying you more than that lousy $200 he gave you. Does he not work? If you don't work, you don't eat. We love our children and we do our best to ensure that they can make it, but it's so easy to cross that from caregiver to enabler. I was on my own at 17 and made it just fine. There's no reason why your grown kids can't get a job and pay at least a quarter, if not half, of your bills.
3 people like this
• United States
12 Jun 07
first off, well i guess it just kind of happened. he started staying over on weekends and the next thing you know, he did't leave. don't get me wrong about any of my children, they are all well behaved, no troubles, good grades, etc. you are so right about that line being crossed, but sometimes you are a long way past it before you realize it. then what do you do? his mother and i had him when i was 18 and we were on our own. my parents were very helpful to us though, so maybe that kind of stuck with me. thank you so much for responding.
2 people like this
• United States
11 Jun 07
Everyone living in a house, child or adult, should be responsible for their mess and part of the household labor. Financially, I take it case by case. A hard working college student should not be charged rent, a child going through a divorce or separation and trying to get on their feet ahould not be charged rent (at first anyway), an adult child who is struggling to find work (but is actively looking and trying) should not be charged rent, etc. A boyfriend/girlfriend, student or not, is not your responsibility and should be paying rent. Also, before allowing a grown child move in, it is important to establish rent and other expectations.
3 people like this
• United States
12 Jun 07
i like the way you break it down like that. seems perfectly sensible to me. unfortunately, i didn't set the guidelines before my oldest moved back in. i guess i assumed that with his "offer" at first that he would continue voluntarily. my bad! lol. thanks for your input.
2 people like this
@deebomb (15322)
• United States
14 Jun 07
I want to know what has happened that adult children have to move back home with their parents? When I left home at the age of 16 I was not expected to move home when things got rought. I did when I was pregnat and my husbad was out of work but not for more than a month. It was just expected that once you left the parents job of financinal support was over. Oh you could maybe borrow if things got desperat but that was it. But now it seems that kids hexpect to have the right to move back home whenn things get rough. It's like they are owed aplace to live. Even if your daughter is going to college she should be helping with the finances some and out would go the boyfriend and out would come the air conditioner. We aas parents are not doing our kids any favors by doing as you are. But you have to know that you are not the only one. Why is it so much harder now than it was when we were young. people earn more and every thing cost more but it was the same back when I left home. I lived in a 2 room apart w/ a shared bathroom. I paid $30 amont but I made $30 a week I also hade a car payment and insurance and all the rest of living expences. where did our generation go wrong?
• United States
14 Jun 07
thank you for your input. i would like to blame society for this generations attitudes, but i'm sure that is not all of it. i do know that i spoiled my children a little more than i should have because i was afraid of losing them. i won custody of them when their mother and i divorced, but was always fearful of them wanting to leave, so i probably overcompensated a little. then i met a beautiful girl with 2 children and i probably overplayed the nice step parent role. i never wanted to be seen as the wicked step father. but i've always been honest with my kids, so i guess i'll have to sit down with them and have a little talk.
2 people like this
@deebomb (15322)
• United States
14 Jun 07
Yes we do do it to ourselve. because it's hard to have our kids angry with us. But were your parents like that. mine weren't They Knew that I loved them and they loved me but it was ok to be angery with each other. I would get it all maped out first maybe make some notes then maybe have them listen to you first with out interruption and ask them to take time to think about what you have said before they say any thing like at least one day. Iknow that if I hav to tell my 18 year old grandson something I know he dosen't wnt to hee he gets to listen then alter he comes back and is agreeable about it. Hop this helps.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Jul 07
that sounds like a terrific idea. i'll rehearse it a bit to myself and my wife so that i don't stumble and miss things and get upset with myself. then it may be easier to talk with them. i'll give that a try. i'm glad i waited for best response, as i think you have given it. thank you for commenting.
2 people like this
@creematee (2810)
• United States
6 Jul 07
Well, I was a child that moved back in with my parents, and believe me, they wouldn't put up with that! My hubby and I were 33 when we moved in with his parents. We had 2 kids, and a third one on the way. We had free reign of the house, as long as we followed their rules. Some rules we set up, so we felt like we were contrubuting. One of the first things we did was purchase a new dishwasher for my MIL. Hers was old, and there was no way I was going to learn the "special" way to start it. My hubby waited until they were gone one weekend, and we purchased it and hooked it up. We also had our own chores to do. The kids shook out the rugs (They were 3 & 5.) MIL and I took turns each week cooking and as one cooked, the other did dishes after. It was a really sweet deal, and we both miss that part of living together. Now, I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty. It's just the kind of people we are. I will suggest that you sit down with your "children" and let them know what the problems are. Does the daughters boyfriend have a job? If not, then he definately needs to be gone! That's just being a lazy free-loader. If you don't want to ask them for rent, at least tell them you expect them to pick up after themselves, Do their own laundry, and if they don't cook, make them do dishes. Tell your daughter's boyfriend that he needs to get of his behind as well. Be firm, and most of all, DON'T GIVE IN! They will take advantage of you as long as you let them. I wish you the best of luck, my friend.
2 people like this
• United States
7 Jul 07
hmmm, very interesting. and i understand what you are saying. i had moved back in with my parents when i first became a single dad. and they never had to ask a thing of me. i'm sure we drove "poppy' crazy, but we also gave him some relax time from doing stuff around the house. and i helped my mom with the dishes, etc. (and she didn't own a dishwasher) so, i do expect the same from my children. they pretty much clean up after themselves, but they don't help with any household chores. it really is tough for me to approach the subject with them, but i obviously have to do it soon. thank you, my friend, for your comment. i just chose best response the other day, but i would say it would have been a tougher choice had you made your comment sooner. thank you again!
2 people like this
@creematee (2810)
• United States
8 Jul 07
I read deebombs response, and she is right. Rehearse it a bit, before you sit them down. Write everything out that you want to say, and make sure you let them give you the time to say it, without interruptions. If you struggle, find your friends here, at mylot, and we'll do our best to keep you on task. :) Wishing you the best of luck!
2 people like this
@cbreeze (1207)
• United States
7 Jul 08
The economy is tough right now. They couldn't live anywhere else for free. Either charge them rent or assign them a utility to pay for or groceries or something. But they should all be chipping in. And since the boyfriend is not your child, I would definitely let him and her know if he can't help out he has to go. It's bad enough when we let our own kids run over us. But please draw the line at letting someone elses child run over you. Believe me though, I am not judging. I have six children. 3 of which are grown and they all live at home. I am a single parent, and I rarely asked them to contribute. But things got to be more than I could handle. When I explained it to them, they really surprised me at their willingness to pay rent. I expected a big backlash and resentment. But they understood that they needed to contribute and did. Of course there have been times they missed but hey.
1 person likes this
• United States
30 Aug 08
oh my, a single parent to boot!?! God Bless you. i understand how there will be times that need to be skipped. i have had many of them myself, and my mortgage holder has been great about it. it sounds like you were in pretty much the same predicament as us. perhaps it won't be as bad as i project it to be. as winter approaches and the price of heating the home is going to be very high this year, there is no better time than the present to talk with the "children". thank you for your support.
@deebomb (15322)
• United States
16 Jul 07
Hello canjo I was just looking and saying thanks to those that geve me best response and was rereading your discussion and was wondering how you came out with you kids and getting them streightened out with the chorse and so forth.
1 person likes this