I sold myself...

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I met my boyfriend one yar ago and now we have a son together. Everything was going very well and I really loved my boyfriend this time. After a while it started to get worse. We couldnt talk with eachother. I ran out at disco when i was in the 9:th month... under a period he left me alone and were out four days in one week. We had bad economy. I had only money from the social-service so I could never be out. I had little friends so I was verry isolated this time and felt so lonely and invisable when I was pregnant. My confidence was really bad after my delievery. I got streptococer A in the hospital and I was sick in four days. The doctor said that I should have died if antibiotica wasn´t available. Despite how sick I was, my boyfriend was out and celibrated the birth of our common son. I was so angry, I cried and felt like the lonliest in the world, now sitting with a baby in my arms. I was angry on my boyfriend when i recovered and came home from the hospital. I wanted to throw him out, spit on him and later I cried even more though I was to scared to talk with him. I wanted to leave him this time. I was so depressed. Three weeks later he use $200 for himself when we in totall only get $1066 that shall be enough for 3 people for food appartment and etc. When he used $200 alone I had to pay for him and in the end of month I had to be with an other man to give my son milk. Yes, i had 6 for money. Now I regret and feel its my fault but also my boyfriends fault. Do somebody understand my feelings?