Spending time with parents

India
June 13, 2007 4:01am CST
Parents have done so much for us. It is not easy to bring up a child. How much sleeping time lost, money spent, personal inconveniences etc. With their care, now you are a grown up person. Do you spend at least some time with your parent, once in a way? If not in person, at least on phone or on mail or post, are you making a personal touch with them? My parents are no more, but when my father was there, I was writing to him weekly once, as no telephone at that time and no computer also. I was in my teens when my mother died. I did not realise her value then. Now when I see her vacant chair, I feel guilty.
4 people like this
20 responses
@touchnshine (2821)
• India
15 Jun 07
Parents  - Spending time with parents
Dear Buchi_balla The day before yesterday, my Mum and I went to visit her colleague, who had recently given birth. And somehow, it really taught me so much about parental love. Seeing my Mum’s colleague with her newborn baby and all brings back so many memories of the past... 25 years ago I was just a baby like that, it’s almost so hard to believe. Somehow there is nothing more magical than seeing a mother with her baby... and it makes you realise that all parents are like that, they just love you so much they would do anything for you. I don’t know why, but when we grow up we just never seem to think of it. We’re all so touched by it when we see it, but we never bother to think of a time when our parents treated us just like that, with all the care and concern in the world. Kind of strange, perhaps, why nature made us such that we would forget most of our memories of the time when we were babies, when our parents did so much for us. When my Mum’s colleague was telling us of the hard time when she had to get up at night and all that when her baby cried or whatever, it’s really so strange, coz mothers never complain one bit about it, they do it so willingly for their own child. Difficult pregnancies, caesarean sections, all that they suffer sometimes, yet they never blame their babies for it at all. I remember my Mum’s colleague was telling me that when my Mum gave birth to me her gynaecologist didn’t sew up her stitches properly and it hurt for days after that, and they had to be resewn up later on. Frankly I wonder how many pregnancies actually go smoothly and all that. You know, without a single hitch. Somehow our mothers never told us, they want us to believe that having us was a joy, something they’ll never regret, and I’m sure that’s the truest thing in the world. The child’s entire existence is a gift to the parents! But they never tell us of the pain they suffered, coz they don’t want us to know. Then after that they started having a little chat about normal parental stuff… you see, they’re all teachers, so they were talking about their students. The normal things you might hear everyday, but it had a profound impact on me. You know when children don’t listen to their parents and worry them out, when they don’t bother to study, even for major exams; it really hurts for the parents. Maybe a lot of those children just think of the scolding that they’ll get, and don’t think of how much it actually hurts their parents when they scold their kids for their own good. I don’t know. But I know there was this mother who was so worried that she actually approached her daughter’s maths teacher to ask if her daughter could receive private tuition from her. They do a lot of other things too, things we don’t know of, things we would never think of. Then there were some other parents who had applied for their children to be able to get into a good secondary school by the “back door”, basically they didn’t meet the cut but their parents applied and requested really much so they got let in. And you know what? It wasn’t the parents who had wanted their children to get in, it was that the children wanted it so much that the parents did it all, tried awfully hard, just for their sake, despite a very high rate of rejection. And guess what? Some of those students found the going too tough when they actually got in, decided they hadn’t actually made the best choice, and wanted to change school. Think of how their parents might feel. Perhaps they might think that it would be better for their children, now that they didn’t have so much pressure, but I think it would also hurt them after all the hard work of trying. Yet those students never once thought of all the hard work involved... I’m not criticising them. I’m not saying that they are ungrateful or anything. Maybe they just don’t realise it or whatever. Because I think if it were many of us instead, we might also never realise it. We might be worse, we blame it on*our parents* for getting us into that school, who knows? I might. That’s something that I’m really very afraid of, that I’ll let down my parents like that. Somehow this society has made us instinctively think this way, that everyone who has let their parents down is an ungrateful wretch or whatever. But they’re not. Only the thing is that their parents would be sad, would be hurt. I guess that’s something we all have to think about when we defend ourselves, when we say it isn’t our fault for something, if we are actually letting anyone down. Our parents who love us so much, especially. But that’s not the worse of it all. You know what actually hurts our parents the most? It’s when we push ourselves so hard to succeed, when we actually forget that life is more important than success, all that. Remember all the movies and shows where the bad son goes to jail and it breaks his parents’ heart? It doesn’t necessarily have to be that way. You don’t even need to do something wrong at all for it to hurt your parents. And I’ll tell you this true story, it happened to a girl in my school, and I sincerely hope it doesn’t ever happen to anyone else, coz I’m very sure nothing would hurt parents more than this. You see, she’s been the top student in school every year, and this year she’s taking her GCE O-Levels. Unfortunately, I don’t know why, sometime during June this year, I think, she just got into this weird mood where she hardly ate anything and started studying non-stop from 3 p.m. to 3 a.m. I’m serious, and I’m not exaggerating anything. I know it sounds unbelievable, but it’s utterly true. And guess what she says? “If I eat too much then I’ll get sleepy and I’ll be unable to study as much.” That’s exactly it. But the thing is that her definition of “too much” is what we would consider the least to be considered a proper meal. So in the end she hardly eats anything, and not only that, she’s been putting a lot of stress on herself. Not plain “a lot”, but*A LOT* in font size 300 maybe. (It’s not meant to be funny. It’s the truth.) When she didn’t do as well in one of her examinations as she thought she should (she got very very high in the end) just because she made a mistake that she thought she shouldn’t have, she started beating herself up. Beating, cutting herself... I don’t want to mention it. I know this because my Mum teaches in my school, and she’s form teacher of her class. Now she’s in hospital. They’re making her stay there so that she can eat regular meals, if not she refuses to eat. Recently they thought she was getting better, until she actually cut her own skin with the*plastic* tip of her liquid paper*on purpose*. Shocking, isn’t it? It’s enough to make you go to bed crying, thinking about all this that she’s doing, just because she’s afraid that she can’t go to the junior college of her choice. I’ll say that again. Just because she’s afraid that she can’t go to the junior college of her choice. Please, she’s been the top student every year, and considering that she’s in one of the best schools in Singapore, considered the premier girls’ school around, I don’t know who can go there if she can’t! It hurts. It hurts for me to hear of it. So think about how much it must hurt for her parents. To them, they feel so weak, so helpless, coz they want to do something about it so badly yet they can’t. They want to help her understand that life isn’t about how well she does in her exams. But I don’t know what can be done, nor do they. It’s been so long. Since June. 4 months already, 4 months of torment, of torture for her parents. It tears at my heartstrings to think of how they feel. Coz no one in the world should have to suffer such pain, such sorrow at all, when their daughter isn’t a criminal, when she did nothing that is considered morally wrong to people, yet is so shocking to think of. Yet I’m sure that one day when she gets better, I believe she will (at least I*want* to believe so), I don’t think her parents will ever blame her for all this pain and misery that they’re suffering now. I don’t think they’ll even*tell* her just how awful, how heartbreaking it was, how it felt like a knife in their hearts. I believe that they’ll hide it all from her, because they don’t want her to know just how awful the experience was, and make her feel all guilty about it. Coz they’ll want her to be happy, not to think about the past and weep over it. That’s how much all parents love their children. How much our own parents love us: with all their hearts, with love that breaks through all the separators in life, to let us know that we are loved, we are appreciated, simply for being who we are - their children. I want to help out so much. But I can’t. None of us can. We just have to pray and hope in silence. May the Force be with her parents. And with all the parents in the world.
1 person likes this
• India
17 Jun 07
I am crying touchshine. Your words made me emotional. I do not know how to thank you for taking so much pains to write such an elaborated response. This will definitely be read at least by few. The pure, and selfless love of parents is beautifully portrayed in your response. I feel sorry for that girl. Many children are not eating properly. Even my daughter does that. But as you told, we never ever complain, scold children, leave alone cursing. Parents' only concern is that children should become ok, come out of that shocking situation and live a happy life. As a parent, I immensely thank you for understanding the parental love so beautifully. Thanks once again for writing.
• India
17 Jun 07
Dear Buchi_bulla Please don't cry .. I don't wish to see my friend with tears .. smile please :) .. Thank you so much your nice comments about my post and .. selecting my response as the best one :)
• India
14 Jun 07
I too agree with you that parents did much for us. And everybody have to agree with this. Whatever we are now is their greatness only. When I was with my family, I would always try to say my Mom , what I had done in my college that day. She know me very well. But I refused to say her one thing, thats about my Love. I know that she wouldn't agree for that and I hide it from her. Now when she came to know this issue, she asked me that why I had hidden this thing from her.. I was not able to give her the reply. Because I did the mistake by hiding the issue. Before they came to know this, When I am far from my home town, I always made to call them regularly after I reached home from my office. I miss them more.....
• India
14 Jun 07
This shows you had a great understanding with your mum. Why did you think that your mum will not take your love? After all she definitely wants your happiness. May be you would have more enjoyed your love life, if you shared that also with your mum. I did not object for my daughter and son's love out of our caste. Any way now you are keeping the same trend of sharing your thoughts and feelings with your mum. Nice to hear that. Thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
• India
15 Jun 07
Thank you
@firumon (501)
• India
13 Jun 07
Dear friend.... You are correct, our parents have done too much for us. It cannot be calculated. We cannot gave it back also. But we can serve they. That is the great thing that we can give to them. Dear, you have grown up without the presence of mother. But don't worry friend. Because there are somany without mother and father too. But in your case you have a sweet father. Thank god.... I will pray for your parents dear...... God bless you.... Thank you...........
• India
13 Jun 07
Thanks Firumon, Such a good friend you are. Thanks for praying for my parents and thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
@firumon (501)
• India
14 Jun 07
You are welcome dear..... I can understand you feeling. I am not trying to depress you.... I also have friends, some of them have no mother, some have no father, some have no both father and mother and under care of uncle's. Anyway i think you are now in great position. God bless you dear. Hope we will be friends forever..........
@parm001 (105)
• India
14 Jun 07
Yes u r right parents r more improtant for us.They done ever thing for us as possible or not they done.they bring all happiness for us.I can't live without my parents.
1 person likes this
• India
14 Jun 07
Please love your parents like this only always even when you are grown up further. Take care of them. I feel proud of you. Thanks for responding.
• United States
14 Jun 07
i agree, my parents done so much for me. theyre the ones who helped made me, me. i have learned to appreciate them. yes, i spent time with them at least once. andi tlak to them a lot. but im sorry about your mother though... my mom always told me that we should always show love to people, or youll regret it one day. i am sure you showed her that you loved her.
1 person likes this
• India
14 Jun 07
Your mother is right in saying that we should tell people that we love them, should not keep them at heart. More than any gift, love and affection only makes a person very happy. I loved my mum but did not spend much time with her. Always with friends and playing around. I regret now. However I pray for her now and send my love in my prayers. Thanks for responding.
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
sometimes I do and sometimes I don't. i love spending time with them when they have no schedules in the day that we are supposed to bond. the reason why sometimes i dont like to spend time with them its because they have busy schedules and they sometimes crum with their schedules that affects us very much.
1 person likes this
• India
14 Jun 07
As the age climbs upon us, our patience wanes. We feel weak and cannot take more tensions. This will show in elders' talk or nature. Please try to understand them and give some margin to their age. Have a nice time with your loving parents. Thanks for responding.
@vonn1378 (706)
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
I say you can show her you love her even she's away by saying prayers for her. I'm sure she'll hear it in heaven. I'm the youngest in our family and I'm very close to my parents that's why I always give them a call every month now that I'm away from home. Because I know life is too short and we should start saying we love them in any way we can...
• India
14 Jun 07
Thanks friend for the wonderful advice. I will do that from today. Being youngest, I am sure you must be the darling of the family too. The last words of your response, life is too short saying love .......has impressed me a lot. God bless you. Thanks for responding.
• China
14 Jun 07
I'm sorry to hear that you lost your dear mother at such a young age. It is true that many of us spend more time with our friends even on the computer than with our parents ,we should feel ashamed. I have to pay a big sum of money for my telephone because I always chat on the phone with my friends ,but I seldom remember to call my parents,maybe they are always missing me and worry about me ,but I... Thank you ,you remind me of a very important things ,I will press my cellphone keys to call them and tell them that "I love you ". Thank you again!Wish you and your father live a happy life.
1 person likes this
• India
14 Jun 07
The purpose of my discussion is fulfilled my child. Now some parents some where will be receiving a phone call from their child, saying "I love you mum and dad". THIS CALL will make them fly with tremendous happiness, than any number of crores or diamonds. Thanks child God bless you with everything in life. This is this mother's blessings.
@zaichn (319)
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
Definitely I spend time with my parents. I even live with them. I am happy.. I still depend on them since I dont consider myself as a grown-up yet. I tend to not value them but in my heart, I love my parents. In any way I can, I'll make them happy with my efforts with my studies,etc..
1 person likes this
• India
14 Jun 07
Happy to read your response friend. I am sure your parents' blessings will always be there with you protecting like an umbrella, always. Thanks for responding.
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
everyone of us when was a child we live and spend our time in our parents, and of course the primary role of our parents is to work for us to become a good and nice child. spending time with them makes them happy eventhough you already a teenager.
• India
14 Jun 07
You are right my friend. Whether teenage or middle age, we are kids to our parents. In every person, there is adult and child. This child in us, craves for our parents' love. Thanks for responding.
• United States
14 Jun 07
I try to spend at least every weekend with my parents. Since they have a new granddaughter they see her every day since I drop her off while I'm at work. But for me sitting with them and just hanging out still makes me feel like a kid again.
1 person likes this
• India
14 Jun 07
Children are children to their parents, how much ever grown they are. My daughter and son, even after their marriage, expect me to pet them. That happiness can only be felt and cannot be talked about. Have a nice weekend with your loving parents. Thanks for responding.
@shinjiao (1463)
• China
14 Jun 07
Hi,Buchi_bulla! Yes,parents have done so much for us!They are the people who we must pay all love to them. As a student who leave them away for my study,I'm eager to spend much more time with them.Just having meals with them,I can feel happy and warm.
• India
14 Jun 07
Thanks friend for sharing the same thoughts. Enjoy parents' full love and affection. Thanks for responding.
@mflower2053 (3227)
• United States
13 Jun 07
my mom and I have a very good relationship. I just had my second daughter 1 week and 6 days ago and this week she took off of work to help me with my older daughter because she is a handful and since I had a c-section its a bit harder for me to take care of her. Other then that we talk on the phone at least once a day to check up on each other and she lives about 5 minutes away from me. My father is a different story. He wasn't around much when I was growing up. When he and my mom were together I don't really remember much about him being around and doing stuff with us. I do remember him beating my mom and once trying to kill her in our hallway. I think I was about 6 years old then. The only time I see him now is for holidays
1 person likes this
• India
14 Jun 07
In many cases even if fathers are not that close to children, mums will be our close friends. That is the divinity of mother hood. I regard your mother for being so helpful to you. She is an angel. However I feel sorry for the nature of your dad. But what to do? After all father is our biological relation. Whatever he is, still we will not hate him.
• Canada
13 Jun 07
I don't get to see my parents as much as I would like to as they both live away from me . I do get to talk to my dad on the phone and we keep in touch often but my mom doesn't like for me to call as she says she talks on a phone all day at work that when she comes home the last thing she wants to do is talk on the phone . I usually end up communicating to her through my sister ( who lives with her ) .
1 person likes this
• India
13 Jun 07
Happy to know you keep in touch with parents. I see parents who crave for their children. That only made me write this discussion. It gives great pleasure in knowing that many good and devoted children are also there.
@mamacathie (3928)
• United States
13 Jun 07
I have lost both of my parents also. I did visit, phone, and talk to them daily, almost. I miss them so much and I plead with anyone that still are blessed to have their parents with them to please stay in contact. They did so much for us and they loved us so much. Now, it is your turn to return that love and care as they are approaching older age. Enjoy your parents if you still have them. They are such a special part of your lives.
1 person likes this
• India
13 Jun 07
I am unfortunate my friend. Both my parents are no more. But I feel they are with me invisibly. I did not realise the value of my mum, who was paralytic patient. But I took care of my dad well. Thanks for responding.
@GuateMom (1411)
• Canada
13 Jun 07
I credit my mom with my surviving to adulthood. Although I love my dad, he was not a good father much of the time and abused us emotionally. Due to this, I no longer have any contact with my parents. When my son was born, I tried to reestablish contact, but they did not respond. I know that my mom would like to contact me, but she is afraid of my father. It is really too bad. I understand my parents so much more now that I am a parent myself.
1 person likes this
• India
13 Jun 07
You are correct. When we are parents, we understand our parents' difficulties in bringing us up. Your mum's position is delicate. Please understand. Do not be angry with her. For her, husband is also very important is it not? Thanks for responding.
@2babita (1073)
• India
13 Jun 07
Yes friend without our parents we are nowhere.I would positively like to spend my time with them but its my bad luck that they are no more.
1 person likes this
• India
13 Jun 07
So you are like me. Do not say they are no more. They are there invisible always with us, guiding, protecting and blessing. Thanks for responding.
@Marie2473 (8515)
• Sweden
13 Jun 07
I speak to my parents every day and I try to see them atleast once or twice a week. They are important to me and If i would not see them I would feel empty =) I am sure that i will keep seeing them like this forever =)
1 person likes this
• India
13 Jun 07
Your words are like honey my friend. You will have your parents' blessings fully, which will be like a protection for you. God bless you with everything in life.As a mother I am telling this from my heart.
@magica (3709)
• Bulgaria
13 Jun 07
For me spending the time with my parents is not the best variant.I respect them, we live together, but because of some situations i try to avoid to spend more time with them- it`s just unhealthy, sorry.
1 person likes this
• India
13 Jun 07
You respect them. You have love and affection for them. May be some situation or circumstance is preventing you from spending time with them. However at least sit with them for few minutes. More than gifts, parents want your presence friend. I expect only my children's five minutes not presents.
• India
13 Jun 07
i love spending time wid my parents...infact rite now m out for sum work...n m missing my home n parents alot...i luv dem...n nthing can obviously repay watever dey hav done for me....yet i wud try my best never to disappoint dem by my work ever...
1 person likes this
• India
13 Jun 07
That is so nice of you. Parents' blessings are a boon for every body. I feel like seeing my parents now. Thanks for responding.