What would you think of this situation?

@sunshine4 (8706)
United States
June 13, 2007 8:06am CST
We had a get together with some of my husbands coworkers and their families. One lady I have befriended has 2 children, one boy and one girl. They are both very thin children. My daughter is 7 and she is as tall as a 3rd grader and weighs about 65 pounds. She is not fat by any means, but she is also not a stick child. This lady and I were on my deck having a cocktail and watching the 2 girls swimming. I said something like I was surprised that my daughter was swimming again as she had been in the pool all day. She replied, "Don't worry about it, it will keep her skinny." Well, I know darn well that my daughter is not skinny, so I said, "She isn't skinny" The lady replied, "Yeah, I know, I was trying to be polite because I didn't want to say you should encourage your daughter to keep swimming so she can slim down like she needs to." I didn't say anything else. I know that swimming is good for my daughter and I was actually just trying to make conversation. I didn't know how to take this. It has kinda bugged me because by no means is my daughter a chub. How would you take this?
7 people like this
18 responses
@KissThis (3004)
• United States
13 Jun 07
I would have been annoyed by someone making such a comment to me. Then I would have stopped to think that maybe she is the type of person who opens her mouth to say something without truly thinking about what she is about to say first. I would have thanked her for her opinion but told her that I believed she was incorrect about her information since my daughters weight was just right for her height.
2 people like this
@sunshine4 (8706)
• United States
13 Jun 07
I just didn't say anything back to her, but it has been bugging me. I don't think that my daughter is fat by any means...check out the photo I uploaded of her. She isn't one of these little stick girls either, but she isn't huge.
@castleghost (1304)
• United States
14 Jun 07
It sounds like this lady has a self image problem that she needs to work on. I looked at your daughters photo. She isn't fat by any means and she does look like she is well within her proper range. A child that is too skinny isn't always ehalthy. You are doing a wonderful job with your Katelyn and you should be proud. You handled the situation fine just by blowing her off. If she was to comment like that again I probably let her know that my daughter is perfectly healthy the way that she is.
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8706)
• United States
14 Jun 07
Thanks for reassuring me that I handled this the right way. If she does make another comment I am going to tell her that she is healthy so I have no concerns.
1 person likes this
• United States
20 Jun 07
Thanks for BR.
@crazynurse (7484)
• United States
13 Jun 07
Wow, what a rude comment. I'm glad you were able to shrug it off at the time. However, I read in your replies to others that you have been bugged by the comment. Just to ease your mind, (so that you can move on!) check the height/weight charts for children and see where your daughter falls. Remember that muscle weighs more than fat and if she is muscular, then the weight might be off a bit! Of course you could also inquire at your next physician visit. Ultimately though, it is yours and your daughter's decision as to whether you think she is healthy!!
1 person likes this
• United States
13 Jun 07
Here is a link to a growth grid. (scroll down to the lower right of the web page and open the grid for your daughter's age! ) http://pediatrics.about.com/od/growthcharts2/Childrens_Growth_Charts.htm
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8706)
• United States
13 Jun 07
Thank you for the link to the growth chart. I scanned it, but haven't quite figured it out yet. She is tall for her age, I got that much so far.
@4cuteboys (4102)
• United States
24 Jun 07
Thats very strange of her to say that, and pretty darn rude too! Sounds like she might have problems with her image and she is passing that down to her kids. I know someone like this. Her daughter does pageants against her will, and the mom has her go on the treadmill and stuff daily. Strange for an 8 year old if you ask me. The daughter is not happy at all. She's basically a pawn and does what the mom says all the time, and the mom is trying to make her into what she used to be (into pageants and stuff), Now the mom is underweight and pregnant again. She's about 5'5 and probably 90 lbs if that. She is hitting close to 30 weeks and is "dismayed" that she has gained 5lbs! omg, if she only knew what I gained!! I would have been bugged though. Some people are so rude and inconsiderate. Your daughter sounds perfect, so just ignore the rude comments, although I would indeed be irritated!
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8706)
• United States
24 Jun 07
Thanks for responding. It is very strange how some parents are so involved with the image of themselves and pass this obsession down to their children.
@dopey22girl (3324)
• United States
18 Jun 07
Oh my gosh! That is unbelievable! If someone said that about my daughter it would take all my might to not slap them across the face! I would not want to get together with that family again, and I would be apalled that someone was judging the body of a 7 year old child. That is ridiculous, and extremely rude. What a snot!
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8706)
• United States
18 Jun 07
I know, I was really upset but now I am over it. She is just very immature. I think that she lives her life threw her daughter as she is a bit overweight.
• United States
16 Jun 07
Ok, this would bother me for several reasons...first is the message she obviously sends to her children about the importance of being thin...secondly that I think her obvious preoccupation with weight will do damage to her girl's viewpoints. I wouldn't be surprised if they ended up with eating disorders. It would annoy me that she made the comment that she did regarding your daughter because, to me, it was just plain rude and out of line. I'm glad your daughter has the mother she has :)
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8706)
• United States
17 Jun 07
Thank you. I am glad that I am not like that either. I hope that she isn't forcing these views on her daughter, but you never know.
@winky73 (1396)
• United States
14 Jun 07
That was a very rude thing to say and I think if had been me....I would have told her where she can go.I took a look at your daughters picture and she's far from being fat or even a bit overweight.She looks like a healthy 7 year old. seems to me like this woman has some major issues and for her to go as far as saying something like that about a child is just wrong. It's okay to encourage your children to eat healthy and to exercise....but what kind of body image is she instilling into her own kids?It's things like that....that cause eating disorders in kids everyday and as a mother she should know better.
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8706)
• United States
14 Jun 07
I hope that she isn't saying things like this to her daughter regarding other children. Her daughter is very thin and I actually was worried about her only eating a few nacho chips at our party.
@tredale (1313)
• Australia
14 Jun 07
This is plain rude and stupid, she is seven for gosh sakes. What could she be thinking. This is really weird and It makes you wonder about her children and what rubbish she feeds them(mentally). We live in times of eating disorders and it doesnt help kids picking on kids without a parent being the problem. Im gob smacked.
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8706)
• United States
14 Jun 07
I am just happy that my daughter didn't hear her. She would have been devistated if she knew that this woman thought she was chubby. Thanks for replying.
@dlkuku (1936)
• United States
14 Jun 07
I would have answered, "Well, my daughter is healthy, and I would rather her be healthy than anorexic." She sounds like a person who is overly concerned with weight, and her daughter will probably grow up with all kinds of issues.
@sunshine4 (8706)
• United States
14 Jun 07
I would never say that about her daughter. I should have just said, at least she is healthy. Oh well~ should've, could've, would've.
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
Honestly your daughter is lucky. She's big for her age but being big and being fat are two different things. Don't be bothered by it, so long as your daughter is healthy, is eating right and is physically active she'll be ok. And tell her when people comment on her being big, she should answer them by saying "oh giant blood runs in our family, I'm actually too small for my age"....lol. So long as they don't affect your child's self esteem. This type of comments should actually be ignored. But I do pity her children if they cannot enjoy their childhood without suffering from their mother's distorted idea of what an ideal body size should be. They would probably grow up thinking the only ideal size is size 0.
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8706)
• United States
14 Jun 07
My daughter didn't hear the comment~ thank goodness. She doesn't think that she is big, she knows that she is just taller than the other kids her age. As for this woman, she is always discussing how she would look if she was thinner herself. I think that she has issues.
• Nigeria
14 Jun 07
lol i wouldn't join any issues with the woman cause i think either way she was trying to please you and didn't want to offend you.
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8706)
• United States
14 Jun 07
I don't know if I would say she was trying to please me. I think that she was trying to make a rude comment in a nice way. It's over now.
@butterfly39 (3906)
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
Too confident to said that. Or maybe she's trying to show you that she's a good mother. Just don't mind her anyway. It turned out that you're just a nice person. Just give her a big smile with a meaning.
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8706)
• United States
14 Jun 07
Good answer. I like the big smile with a meaning! I will keep this in mind when I meet with her in a situation like this again.
@dheng30 (88)
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
if i were i wouldn't give a damn thinking bout what she said... i'll just totally ignored it... its too obvious that she just dont appreciate other kids... for her her kinds was the greatest... she have her own standard to being thin and being chub... YOU are the one who really knows your child... That comment shouldn't be answered back... You're not going to meet her anymore right? Except if your husband and their coworkers will get together again... Cheer up...just laugh on those things!!!
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8706)
• United States
14 Jun 07
I will be seeing her again as we get together about once a month. I know that she has a problem with my kids as she has made other comments before. I always ignore them. Life it too short to get into a fight over something so small.
• Canada
14 Jun 07
I would have been highly insulted as well and this was way out of line for her to make any remark whatsoever . I was always taught that if you had nothing nice to say then say nothing at all and if this was her way of making polite conversatin , she was way off her mark . My daughter is only three and weighs forty pounds , she is really tall for her age and is nowhere near being chub so I can't imagine how your daughter would be . In fact I have had many say my daughter was too thin . I don't think I would have been able to make a comeback about how my daughter was fed every night and didn't look sick like some children and would have walked away .
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8706)
• United States
14 Jun 07
Yes, I would never attack by saying something nasty about her daughter.
@wiccania (3360)
• United States
13 Jun 07
that was very rude of her. if it were me, i probably would have popped off with a comment about at least being able to feed my kid. looking at the picture, i definitely wouldn't call your daughter anything but healthy.
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8706)
• United States
13 Jun 07
Thank you...I think that she is healthy also.
• United States
13 Jun 07
Is this the same lady I saw in the airport a couple weeks ago? Sounds just like her. I, of course, would be so insulted. This is the type of lady that causes young kids to develope eating disorders. And I would have let her know that if I was in your situation. I'd love to tell you not to worry about it, but that woman was so out of line.
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8706)
• United States
13 Jun 07
LOL~ I wonder if she was in the airport! I agree, I think that she was out of line.
@TerryZ (22082)
• United States
13 Jun 07
I think I would have been afended. And you should have said well at least shes not a stick like your kids.LOL She had no right to be so nasty. When someone throws something like that to me. I always throw back to them.
@sunshine4 (8706)
• United States
13 Jun 07
I didn't want to make a big deal of it. My daughter is only 7 and shouldn't have to hear people discuss her weight or anyones weight. Luckily this woman didn't say it so my daughter could hear her, or I would have said something back.
13 Jun 07
I would just shrug the comment off.In any case,what is important is that your daughter is healthy and looks healthy.I would feel offended a bit but would not make a big issue ot of it.Parenting is one of the most difficult things and people have as diverse opinions as there are people in this world.I think she did not catch your clue.Either she is not a very sociable person or she is too conscious as a parent that her children be thin looking.
1 person likes this
@sunshine4 (8706)
• United States
13 Jun 07
Thanks for your opinion. I did just let it go, but for some reason, it has been bugging me.