He's wrong, so why am I apologizing?
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
United States
June 14, 2007 2:39am CST
If your spouse started an argument with you, would you apologize first, just to keep the peace?
Just assume, for a minute, that he or she were completely wrong.
If you apologized first, would it send the wrong message to your partner that he was right and you were wrong?
Or, is there a better way to resolve disagreements between couples without giving in to the other person's unreasonable demands or accepting responsibility when it's not your fault?
1 person likes this
3 responses
@shemah (840)
• Malaysia
14 Jun 07
i wouldn't apologize first if it wasn't my fault and i'm not in the wrong. And i wouldn't do it just to keep the peace. I'll tell/yell/shout/scream/argue with him about what he did wrong.. and then i'll apologize for yelling/screaming/shouting/arguing at him.. and then i'll tell him i wouldn't act like that if he didn't do anything wrong.
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
14 Jun 07
Yes, I have done that too! But, he's usually the silent type and just doesn't say anything if he's too mad. I'd prefer it that way. Because he can argue a point better than me.
He's really good about apologizing though, especially if I walk off from the argument first.
Then he just gets lonely after a few hours and wants to talk.
Be well.
@recidivist20 (348)
• Philippines
14 Jun 07
how well do you know your partner??
the bad thing about saying sorry first, even if you think you didn't do anything wrong, is that it might serve a precedent. it might encourage your partner that even though he was the one who was wrong, he'd think that you'd apologize anyway. also, what if your partner doesn't realize that you're apologizing just to keep the peace?
what you can do is this, say sorry first. . . BUT not for doing anything wrong, . .you say you're sorry that you had a fight or misunderstanding or that he felt bad about it. that way, you won't be admitting to being wrong. only that you're sorry it led to a fight.
@loverenth (136)
• Philippines
15 Jun 07
Let's face it, most of the time we apologize just to make the fighting stop. But what we don't realize is that we are sending the wrong message to our partners. We make them think that they're right and we're wrong. It's like we're teaching them to be selfish. Believe me, I learned the hard way. And from then on, I never apologize when it's not my fault. I wouldn't call it pride, but I will call it honesty to myself and to my partner, that it doesn't matter whose fault it is and that finding the resolution to the problem or reason of fight is far more important than that!
