Do you think this is evil?
By avonrep1
@avonrep1 (1862)
United States
June 14, 2007 1:30pm CST
Let me tell a short story here then I would like you opinion if it is evil or not? When I was 17 I got pregnant by a 26 year old man. The day after she was born he left and never looked back, hid to avoid paying any child support.
He signed a paper when she was born admitting he was the father, so I was able to get a child support order in place. Finally when she was almost 8 I located him for the fourth time , I went to Texas from Indiana so my child could 1 meet her sperm donor and 2 to see if I could get him back to the state of Indiana, so I could get the order enforced.
I have raised my child all on my own. He has never help emotionally or even with a little bit of money here and there. Nothing, when I was young I was like I felt like it didn't matter I could do it on my own. I never went on public assistance, I have worked really hard since she was three weeks old to support her. Now that I am older, I see it as he was a grown man and I was still a child. He should be held responsible for supporting here also. It shouldn't just fall on me and it shouldn't be 100% my husband's job to support her either now that I have married.
Anyways to make a long story short, he is a true deadbeat father in all of the sense that it can be, no finiacal support, no emotional support, she has never recieve a card or letter or anything from him ever.
I do searches trying to locate him. I want him to be held responsible. Recently, I got a call and it was a recording and it said someone in a prison was wanting to call my number, to call some 800 number if I want to let the calls come through or hit 1 to deny the calls. I pressed 1 of course. I don't know anyone in prison and don't want to talk to anyone messing up their lives that bad, that they have ended up there. But then I got to think maybe it is my daughter's father trying to harass me. So I googled prison inmates and started with the A states and worked my way done. When I got to IL this is what I found.
http://www.idoc.state.il.us/subsections/search/inms.asp
As you can see, he was already paroled (so it wasn't him calling last week) but he was arrested and is on parole in IL. According to IL law people on Parole who are not paying their support are in violation of their parole. I did additional research and found out who his parole officer is. I have contact the Parole office to let them know he is wanted in the state of Indiana and he owes over $25K in back child support. He has not paid any support in over a decade, my daughter will be 11 in August. He was orignally arrest on her birthday, ironic don't ya think.
They told me they will add that to the condition of his parole that he pay his child support and at least $5.00 in arrears or he will be in violation. They say I should start recieving it within the next two weeks.
So do you think I am evil for doing this? I don't think I am. I think that I should have had to find this information and the state should have found it since the kind of money he owes is a federal offense.
16 people like this
28 responses
@MelodyRhapsodical (1248)
• United States
14 Jun 07
Wow.. hats off to you, and much respect for raising a daughter all alone for such a long time and being so young yet equally as responsible. There aren't many around like you, especially nowadays.
I do not at all by any means think what you did is evil. He deserves to AT LEAST pay child support. No amount of money he can give you will ease everything you went through in the past, but him paying what he owes will give him some sense of responsibility and maybe he'll understand a little better how much you've put into your child.. and that everyone eventually must pay for their actions. I cannot believe you were only 17 and this guy was 27! You handled the situation (then and now) so very well. Kudos.
3 people like this
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
14 Jun 07
Thank you I appericate that. I was the child but was more the adult. I have given up on the fact that I had always hoped he would grow up and be there for our daughter. I now know that he is not capable to be there for her. But one way or another, I will make him take the responsiblity that he should have always at least taken.
1 person likes this
@abroji (3247)
• India
14 Jun 07
In my opinion you have done the right thing. He has been so irresponsible in life. At least now, he should recognize his responsibilities to his daughter. Whether he fulfills them or not is another matter. If he can't pay the amount let him be in the prison itself. You have done the right thing.
What impressed me is your lifestory. The single incident of your relation with the man at that young age has turned the course of your life. Really avonrep1 you are a great lady with ditermination and will power. You took up the challenge and brought up your daughter at your own. I bow before you. This proves ladies are much better than men in fulfilling their responsibilities in a responsible way.
Remarkable.
2 people like this
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
14 Jun 07
The sad thing about this, is the state of Indiana is not help the Child support enforcement agency has been no help at all. I report where I have found him at and they do nothing. A federal Warrant could be issued for his arrest, but I am not on welfare and never have been so it is not important for them to go after him. It is sad that his parole officer is going to make sure it is paid or he will violate him, but that is only going to work till he gets off parole in 2008, then it will be the hide and seek game all over again if the state don't act. It is making me sooooo maddddd.
2 people like this
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
15 Jun 07
The thing about parole is when a parolee is on parole and there is a support order in effect no matter which state they are doing their parole in one of the requirements of any parolee is to obey all and any court orders or they are in violation. He is on parole till 8/2008 so his parole officer told me he would violate him if he don't start paying. He said he meets with him tomorrow and will be informing him, that he has to show proof of sending out a total of $45.00 to the Clerk of the county the Child support has to be paid. He told me to fax him a print out for proof if I don't have a payment within two weeks and he would violate him.
He said he knows these cons, they will show you a money order reciept, but then really write it out to themselves.
He has been in violation since he has gotten out in April, but I just thought to do another DOC search when I got the call. I really believe what comes around goes around and his is about to come full force. He can run and hide, but then he is in violation of his parole, and he was sent to prison on a class A and D felony, according the the IL inmate lookup information which list the charges and the sentence. So if he jumps when he gets arrest again and trust me he will. He is gets arrest everywhere he goes almost, but this is the first time, he has been sent to prison. He was once sent to a mental hostipal in PA, I found him in there on search number 3 for him. He faked a mental illness to avoid prison. I am glad it didn't work this time and he got prison time. Maybe that will wake him up and he won't want to go back.
1 person likes this
@abroji (3247)
• India
14 Jun 07
You consult some legal experts and find out a way to move the state of IL. The verdict you already got has no value at all? I am quite unaware of the rules there. I am confused. Is it too expensive to move a court in the state of his imprissonment? I think you urgently need expert legal advice.
2 people like this
@kareng (55066)
• United States
14 Jun 07
No, I don't think you are evil at all. And this is a prime example of what goes around, comes around. It's time for him to pay his due now. It will be a great fund for your daughter's education! I hope things go well and you do start getting those checks in. It's about time! It sounds like you did a great job of raising your daughter also. Good luck!
1 person likes this
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
15 Jun 07
This is what I see happening in all of this. His parole officer is going to tell him he has to start paying a min. of $45.00 a week and I might get it, if he don't decide to jump parole. But as soon as his parole is up he will disappear and I won't recieve another dime, until I can catch up with him again. I have been able to collect 3 $9.00 check from where he went and did work at Labor Ready on 3 different days in different weeks. That was 3 years ago. In my eyes that is nothing and was almost a slap in the face.
The sad part of all this, is his grandfather passed away, and the estate of his grandfather is hold his inherience but we can't touch any of it till he claims it and he told someone I know, he won't do that till, our daughter is grown. What a heel, they will take it out then, he must be stupid.
1 person likes this
@twils2 (1812)
• United States
14 Jun 07
Well, I think you have done a great thing. Your not evil, your just going after the evil that has done you wrong. Nothing wrong with that! If he wants to stay out of jail, he'll pay up. At the time, you were young, but he should have known better. Good luck and take care, Terry
@ten010 (81)
• India
15 Jun 07
After reading your 'story' i was going quickly through the replies. I was checking if any one has found you an evil.
But alas, i found none. I am not exclaimed of the fact that none has found you evil, but have been assured by the fact in this world of 'modernisation'' atleast humanity still exists. I am grateful to you that you have put this story before us as this was not a lost episode, you have almost won it and hopefully by now you have started receiving money from your 'deadbeat' husband (you have rightly mentioned him as mere sperm donor)
1 person likes this
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
15 Jun 07
I am shocked noone has said what I am doing is wrong. We have some people here on mylot, that think child support should be revoked for everyone. Just wait a day or two someone will go against the grain. They have that right, but they have to know in their hearts that what has happened here is wrong of him to do, what I am doing is what I should be doing.Okay I think I may have confused myself.
@ToriaT (102)
• Canada
14 Jun 07
Personally I dont think youre evil for wanting support for your child...but I think it may be a mistake to let this now convicted criminal into Your daughters life...Now He will know where you are ...will know your married name ...and may even want visitation with your daughter ...I think you needed to really think about all these issues before making the call...I hope for Your childs sake ...He is a changed man and will not cause her any physical or emotional harm...You survived without him I would have let sleeping dogs lie ...I hope it all turns out for the best ...what does your daughter feel about Him ? she may need counselling to deal with all her feelings now ...I wish you and your family well...I hope for your child that both her parents care enough about her to at least be civil to each other and not embroil her in past hurts and disappointments...
ToriaT
2 people like this
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
15 Jun 07
I was hoping when she got to meet him, that he would see what I see when I look into her eyes. What she found was what I wanted to protect her from, he is an evil SOB to be honest. He has to pay support, but we have a No Contact order permently, because he made threats to kill me in court.
He has not parental rights, but has Finiancal responsibility to her. It is only $40.00 a week that he has to pay and our daughter turns 11 in August. Just in the support alone on her birthday he will owe $22,880 plus interest. I had the child support enforcement office figure out what he now owes. With intrest it is now at $26,890 and that was as last week. It keeps growing and growing.
What I don't get is eventually it will catch up with him, and he will have to pay more than he would if he just started to pay it now. It is stupid in my opinion, but I refuse to let him get away with it. I am going to go speak to our lawmakers about setting a Federal Mandate that forces states to work together to make these guys and gals pay when they take off and abandon their child or children.
@xbrendax (2662)
• United States
15 Jun 07
You are NOT evil at all, infact I would have done the same thing. Just be carefull, he may try to look you up to cause you harm, so you need other people on your side as well as any sort of restraining orders just in case. I wouldn't have him come to your house with the excuse to see his daughter, instead if such a time does come someday, have him meet you both at some controlled site, such as a place like child protective services, an attorny's office, etc. you both will need protection just incase things don't go as expected.
1 person likes this
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
15 Jun 07
I have a no contact order in place. He threaten to kill me in court. I have a big family where I live. I am the youngest of 52 grandchildren. My eldest first cousin is 72, I am 29. Their children are closer to my age than most of my first cousins. At last count there were over 200 of us around this area. My nephew has showed him what happens of you come near me and lay your hands on me.(He has been training to be a Professional wrestler since he was 12)
Make a long story short, he attack me when I had his daughter with me and my other children. I was able to get away, doing a little damage back to him, but he did more damage to me. My nephew found him (well he really found my nephew, but didn't relieze it was him, he had grown up and looked different from the last time he had saw my nephew) and send him to the hostipal. Since my nephew was in his home he wasn't charged or anything. But her father did go to jail after the hostipal, because he had warrants for his arrest. You know this whole story about what happen this day is good for another post. Watch for it, it is a really funny story.
@fellowlife (988)
• Nigeria
15 Jun 07
i think what you just did was to enforce your right and not evil. If you husband, i am sorry to say,was so irresponsible to willing pay for the child support then he would have no choice but to pay now or else he would be charged to court and jailed.
like i said i am happy that you got what rightfully belongs to you and since you have been largely the one supporting your daughter i do know you deserve to be compensated for all your effort
1 person likes this
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
15 Jun 07
I haven't recieved anything yet, and knowing him like I do, when he finds out his parole officer knows he owes child support, one of two things will happen. I'll get $40. +$5 in arrears till he gets off parole, but then he wouldn't pay no more or he will hear he has to pay or he will be in violation of his parole and just go ahead and jump his parole. I think it will be that latter or the two but am hoping for the first.
One way of another he will pay, either by doing time or paying the dime.
@lingli_78 (12822)
• Australia
15 Jun 07
no, you are not evil at all and in my eyes you had done the right thing... i can imagine how hard it is to raise a child by your own when you are only 17 years old... you are truly an amazing lady... i put my hat off you... the irresponsible father of your daughter should start to bear some of his responsibilities since he already gets away off it for 10 years... he just can't walk away like that especially since he knows that she is his biological daughter... it sounds heartless and cruel to me... i hope he will start paying for his child support from now on... good on you...
1 person likes this
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
15 Jun 07
lingli, what I didn't mention in the story, was when she got to meet him and I was able to get him into the courts again in Indiana.(he is a smooth salesman) and somehow convinced my best friend (of 14 years) he was in love with her. He attacked me around this time and she choose to stay with him, knowing he was a deadbeat. She got pregnant, but he left before the baby was born, he don't even know his son's name. They want him back for a DNA test (I did a at home one on my daughter and her father's alleged son and yep he is his father.I did it behind her back, I offer to pay for one she could sumit in court, but she refuse, I think she thinks that there is a possiblity that my daughter's father isn't her child father. I had to know if I was going to let her back into mine and my child's life. When she choose to stay with my daughter's father, it hurt not only me but my daughter.) I forgave my friend for doing what she did, but I haven't forgot. She knew how he was, she should have been more careful, but shouldn't have been with him anyways.
It is like a soap opera in alot of ways. I hate soap opera's and wish I wasn't in one. lol
@asmurthy (2461)
• India
15 Jun 07
Your life should be eye opener to all the girls who have relationships recklessly. A women should be economically independent. She should achieve that status. Then no problem would be there. If father of your child does not support and willing to go to jail, since he has already been to jail what can you do.
@avonrep1 (1862)
• United States
15 Jun 07
That is part of the reason I decided to post this story. I want young girls and men out there to relieze what can happen. But though these things happen, you can be an adult, you just have to understand that if you play you must pay. One way or another you might get pregnant or you could end up with something you won't like.
@Marie2473 (8512)
• Sweden
15 Jun 07
Nah, you have done the right thing, wish more people would do like this to learn some men that they can not just concive a child and then leave it all to the woman. they are adults and shoudld be held responsible for their actions.
Keep doing what you´re doing!
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
15 Jun 07
I don't think you are evil for doing what you felt you had to do, but the question I have is, "Why would you even want to be involved with this person again?' Sometimes it is better to just let sleeping dogs lie. As you stated, you have done well in providing a decent life for your child without his help. If he is an excon, what makes you think he will be in any position to contribute anything to your daughter's support? You've made your point. Maybe you should just leave it alone. You have a husband who loves and supports you. This man will not bring anything positive into your lives.
1 person likes this
@FSCAries (881)
• United States
14 Jun 07
Heck no I don't think that was evil of you. He should have to pay for his child and it's just a lucky freaking thing that you discovered everything you did doing your research. I say you ought to be commended, and now, that jerk will have to pay for the rest of his life, if he can keep a job, but anyway, good for you!
1 person likes this
@sdamian (62)
• United States
14 Jun 07
I don't think you are evil at all. I think that is amazing what you did. I would have never been able to do that. I can never stand up to people when they owe me money and I have got screwed over many times because of that. Your daughter probably has yet to grasp how great of a mom she has but she is very lucky.
1 person likes this
@sexysilver (928)
• United States
15 Jun 07
Props to you woman!
This guy sounds like an all over bad man. 1) Going after a MINOR 9 years younger than himself 2)abandoning his role as the baby's daddy 3) withholding childsupport money (a federal offense as you stated) - nope you did nothing wrong by collecting what money he owes you to raise the child he helped create.
1 person likes this
@candiec2005 (828)
• United States
15 Jun 07
No you didn't do anything evil. He did for not supporting his child! I don't understand how some men are able to ditch their kids and never support them in any way. My father was like that. He never paid child support although my mom took him to court. He always claimed that he was too ill to work. But it was all b.s. Therefore, I know what it feels like, maybe not from your point of view but from your child's point of view. The mothers aren't the only ones who should be responsible. It's so sad. But I think you did what you should have done. There's nothing evil about that. Well done!
1 person likes this
@tzvetelina (467)
• Bulgaria
15 Jun 07
I think you did what was right. You should have done this earlier, but this doesn't matter any more. What matters is that you'll get the needed money for your child. I'm 17 and I can't imagine me in your situation, but even if I were I would do the same thing - looked for justice. Don't blame yourself and be happy that there's finaly an ending:)
1 person likes this
@Woodpigeon (3710)
• Ireland
15 Jun 07
Hell now you are not evil, you are looking out for your child's interests. I would ridethatguy's butt like a tick and ge everything I possibly could for my child. Another thing they might do is revoke a professional license or ban him from driving, dpending on where you live. I would use any incentive you could come up with (through family support services) to pressure him into paying.
If he starts demanding to see your daughter since he is paying child support, I wouldn't put much stock in it. It would probably just be him trying to manipulate you into not pursuing the matter. Go get him, tiger!
1 person likes this
@SweetJasmine (89)
• China
15 Jun 07
You are a brave young mother.I think everything is not easy for you to handle expecially when you were just a teenager who became a mother.Instead of saying you are a evil,you are really a great mother!!Maybe you can seek help from the goverment.Good luck.
