Help me deal with my mom
@teapotmommommerced (10359)
United States
June 15, 2007 12:21am CST
Mom told my twin sister and I we where not wanted from the day we where born. She was verbally, and physically to us. One time she lined my older and twin sister and I up and took turneds beating us for two hours then maked us wear dresses to church to pray for our sins. We did not do anything.
In 1995 mom stoped working and became homeless, becuse she decided it was time for her daughters to take care of her because we owed her. Well I was the stupid one. I have had move living with my family for 10 years then the last 2.5 in a nursing home. Most of those years I hated every minute of it. I did not know what it was unitl recently I realized how much I hate her. Don't get me wrong I am not rude to her, I do not treat her badly. I have taught by children to treat people how you want to be treated so I have continued to endure her insultes, and verbal abuse.
Well I went on vacation and just came back. I had a great time away from mom and being with my sisters. Mind you mom never askes about my sisters. Mom never has sent them a letter or even a gift for a birthday or christmas.
Before I left for vacation mom was supprised that I would go to see my twin. Mom said "you are going to stay with her in her rat infested home"? My twin has a beautiful home.
Well today mom was questioning me about my sisters, and she wanted to see pictures of my twin's home. When I said I did not take pictures. Mom said "That means I will never see her home becasue I am stuck in here." I want so badly to see where your twin lives and how well she is doing. I was sick to my stomache. I bit my tongue not to say " As if you care." Mom really hated my twin she use to beat her more than me and my older sister.
I know I need to get rid of my hatered for mom and let it go. It is hard because I go twice a week to the nursing home to pick up mom's laundry and I do it, I also pay her bills and buy her craft items and what not.
I guess what I just needed is someone to tell my sad story to. Sorry for gripping.
Thanks
Teapotmom
5 people like this
6 responses
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
16 Jun 07
Sweetie do not feel bad I do not blame you for hating her
My Mum used to tell me she wishes I was never born
She regrets now what she said and did to me when I was a child we spoke about it 20 years ago I picked up all the courage I could and told her
We now get on great I have forgiven but it will never be forgotten but I do not ever say anything at all about it
In your Case you have a very good reason to hate and to be angry
She did certainly not want any of you so she made your Life hell and she still is so why should you pretend that you love her
No one can love a Person like that
I am glad though that you and your Sisters have stuck together you have each other
As for your Mum, sorry to say she missed out and it is to late now
Love and a Big Hug to you
@teapotmommommerced (10359)
• United States
16 Jun 07
the sad part of the whole thing is my twin sister is a beautiful person. Mom has never ever wanted to have anything to do with her four grandchildren, they are all great people also.
When you ask mom any of this she denies this, she says she never said any of it and accuses us girls for making things up.
Our dad married a women who is very demanding and bossy dad is unhappy and depressed but will not leave her. This women does not want dad to spend any time with us girls. So in my mind I have no parents. I have my sisters, husband, and friends. I know have lots of friends on mylot.
1 person likes this
@tigerdragon (4297)
• Philippines
20 Jun 07
i assume that she's got issues of her own during her childhood.she must have been longing for some love that her parents didn't show and she is resenting it but somehow in a crossroad with her daughters whom she loves very much but does not know how to show it and not show it.i know you love her very much and she knows you both do.
1 person likes this
@teapotmommommerced (10359)
• United States
20 Jun 07
I no longer love her, I know it is harsh sounding but I do not love her, nor respect her, most days I hate her. Mom does not know how to love she has never taken responsiblility for her her mistakes or what she has done. It is always someones elses falt.
My twin and I was told it was our falt mom was fat, it was our falt mom had stretch marks, mom had the worst pregnancy in the world. Still to this day she believes she had the worst pregnancy in the world. Give me a break she was not even bed ridden, she did not have contractions or any complications you see women go through today.
My sisters deni they even have a mom. This is how they feel.
No love lost between her and us
1 person likes this
@beyonce03 (2331)
• Canada
20 Jun 07
Sometimes you read a friend story, but you just feel that you can't answer to that. That you can't help the person more then some people already did. That's how I feel right now. I'M only responding to let you know that I red the whole story and that I feel now that mine is not that bad. If my mom would have threat me like that, I would not talking to her anymore unless she give me some excuse.
I've stopped talking to my dad 5-6 years ago. he was always giving me moral lesson and talking agains my mother. saying I was a bad girl for not calling him and that it's not the parent who have to call their children. I've decide to stop calling him and to wait for him to call me. I'M still waiting.
You are a very strong person to still help a mother who doesnt love you or doesnt show you that she does. It's ok to hate her, you can,t stop that feeling because she,s not doing anything nice for you.
But at least, you are a good mom. Even if your mom didnt show you good value, you do it with your kids. They should be prouf to have a mom like you.
Finally I had something to say lol
Sorry if you didnt understand all of what I meant, because sometimes, my sentence in english are not well written
@Rozie37 (15499)
• Turkmenistan
21 Jun 07
I am going to be honest with you. It sounds to me like you are still a child trying to get her approvel. You need to stop feeling guilty and stop her from abusing you.
First of all, you need to decide what you do not wish to tolerate. Then, when she does these things, you need to walk away or get off the phone immediately. Let her know that you do not want to hear her insult you or your sisters any longer.
As soon as she says it, I don't care what is happening, stop and walk away and don't come back until she calls you and apologizes. If you continue to allow her to treat you like this, she will never stop. As long as you continue to be a victim, you will always resent her in your life.
However, nothing will change until you get fed up. She is depending on you and you are allowing her to abuse you. No way, she needs to respect you and your sisters or I would leave her alone. What have you done to deserve such ill treatment from your own mother?
@syndibee (799)
• United States
21 Jun 07
your story absolutely saddens my heart. knowing there are parents out there like your mom leaves a sick feeling in the pitt of my stomach. i'm so sorry you and your sisters have dealt with such issues from your mom your entire lives. i know people hate the term "i'm so sorry" but it just means that i hate knowing that you endured such pain, i hate that anyone could inflict such disdain for their own children. i wish that it never happens to anyone.
is your mom of sound enough mind to read? i would write a short book about her for her. i would let her know exactly what it was like to grow up in her house. i think it's time for her to attone for her mishandling of her own children.
i'm so glad you and your sibblings didn't follow in her footsteps. i believe that your mom must have some severe mental issues that are either diagnosed or not, but it's just not normal for an adult to feel that way about their children.
as for you dealing with your mom, i think the book would help in your own healing too. i think you should do yourself a favor and start breaking away. i think you feel a great sense of responsibility for this elderly woman whom happened to give birth to you. cut your visits down to twice a month, let her find another way to get her laundry done. yes love her for being the woman who gave birth to you and your wonderful sisters, don't love her for how she has treated you.
i will be reading thru the rest of the responses at a later time as i see there are a number of great ones that deserve the time and attention of everyone to read.
@Gemmygirl1 (2867)
• Australia
16 Jun 07
This story is horrible, i don't think anyone would be mad or upset with you if you said you never wanted to see your mother again.
If she treated you so badly from the get go - i wouldn't have given her the benefit of visiting - i know we're probably very different people but if i was to grow up with an awful mum like that & still have to put up with it when i'm in my older years, then i probably wouldn't give her the time of day. If she treated me so badly, then i don't think she'd deserve to have visits & company - then maybe she'd actually regret all the bad things she's done.
I don't blame your twin for not wanting to see your Mum, if she copped the worst of the beatings then it's probably normal that she wouldn't want to remember it by seeing your mum & it's not like your mum treats you much differently now than whe you were young.
1 person likes this
@teapotmommommerced (10359)
• United States
16 Jun 07
Whats different now is mom cannot hit me and I can run faster than her.
My sisters say if and when I get to ill or too fed up with mom they are ok when I cannot do it anymore.
When mom first went in to the nursing home she would call me daily to bring in food for her. I got pneumonia real bad and she had to never to call me daily and ask me if I was well enough to bring in food for her. I would say no. She would get mad at me if I was still sick. I chewed her out because she only calls when she wants something and gets mad when I cannot get it.
I am waiting for an appointment at University of San Francisco Medical center. Mom calls and asks about that. I feel she does that so I can get better so I can wait on her daily. As it is I go over there two days a week and do her bidding. I feel that is enough.
