Husband wants to give his sister money?
By babykay
@babykay (2131)
Ireland
June 18, 2007 6:00pm CST
My husband wants to give his sister money.
Just to give you the background - his sister is married to a good guy, they have three kids aged 9 to 16. They live in a nice house, nice life, the 3 kids aged 9 to 16 do loads of activities that always require money. In my opinion, my sister in law and her husband are not good with money and live way beyond their means as they have taken money from my husband's parents lots of times. The reason my husband thinks he should give money to his sister is as follows. A few months ago, interest rates went up and everyone's mortgage went up - theirs went up more because they had reached the end of a fixed rate term. One of their kids needed to go away on an expensive school trip that had already been promised, basically they had lots of unforseen financial issues. The husband's overtime in work also was cut so they didn't have as much money as usual coming in....anyway, my husband wants to give them 2,000e!
My issue with it is this - I don't mind helping out, but it really seems like they always need money (though this is the first time it will be our money in question) yet they don't modify their lifestyle and expect others to keep bailing them out. We have our own mortgage, costs etc. We have a toddler, we need to start putting money aside for his education etc. We don't even drive a car, something we need to start saving for in the near future. If we (which we hopefully will) have another child, that is going to cost more money - the list is endless. Why should we give 2k to people who do nothing to help themselves?
I see the problem as being that my mother and father in law have always bailed sister in law and husband out before, now it seems my husband is happy to start doing similar. Like wtf? I would be too embarrassed to take money from people in this way, if I really had to I would but not all the time!
ANy thoughts?
3 people like this
4 responses
@Gemmygirl1 (2867)
• Australia
21 Jun 07
I would have a chat with your hubby & find out, first off, when you would be getting that money back? If it doesn't look like you will or it will take a LONG time, i'd probably just tell him you're not wanting to lend the money in the first place.
I have had to borrow money money before, well, my Mum likes to pick things up that she knows i want so i can pay her back - so i still owe money i just don't ask for it!
If someone insists on living beyond their means, then they are the only ones responsible for getting themselves out of trouble. They would have known their mortgage would go up after a certain of having fixed rates, so they should have been the ones responsible for making sure they were prepared for that.
2000e is a LOT of money to just give to someone coz they're incapable of saving that kind of money themselves. Perhaps it would be better if your hubby sat down with his sister & discussed a repayment plan with her so you would be guaranteed to get the money back - no if's, and's or but's! I wouldn't lend it in the first place but i haven never been asked to lend someone that kind of money.
I hope you can get it sorted but i'd avoid all lending without a guarantee of getting it back & if they cant guarantee it, then don't give it to them.
Goodluck but discuss all your thoughts with your hubby coz i don't think it's right for his sister to just expect you to hand over that kind of money coz they cant take care of their lifestyle choices, themselves.
@babykay (2131)
• Ireland
21 Jun 07
there is no way we would ever get that money back. She has taken money from her parents - tens of thousands over the years and not one cent has been paid.
They sold their last house about 5 years ago and moved down the country, making a profit and getting a bigger but less expensive house in a quieter town, do you think they gave any back? No is the answer. The problem is, they can't pay it back because they spend all their money on things they can't really afford and the parents don't ask for it back.
My hubby wants to give her - not loan her - the money, he thinks she needs it!!
If her and her husband would budget then they may not need it. I think my husband wants to give it because he and I both got modest pay rises so we feels he can afford to, he is right, we can. But I don't really agree because, its not going to help them, simply reinforce the notion that other people wll bail them out all of the time and also, I can think of a hell of a lot of things we could do with 2k!
@ifinallyfoundmybaby (1742)
• Philippines
18 Jun 07
my my that is soemthing, it probably sounds like your sister in law is really used to being bailed out. thats freakin embarrasing why in the hell should they do those expensive trips do they improvise?! its like they sound like they don't save up. Do they help you in some way? or they are a big nuisance to you? Its frustrating to think that you have to put an effort on saving a little just to bail for them.
My mom also had this situation and my grandmother too or lola. My mom's sister or auntie is always trying everything just to ask for money here or whenever my uncle who is right now living in new jersey(im from phillipines) is making a living right now and when he comes home she tends to ask money and making all those pity talks wherein it really sounds like they have practiced it for a long time now.
Its freakin embarrassing really, you put up a family and you can't seem to handle it. they should've thought of it first.
1 person likes this
@babykay (2131)
• Ireland
19 Jun 07
ya its very embarrassing. Like I said, once is ok and we won't be paid back. I can live with that and at the moment we can afford it - our child isn't terribly expensive as he is only 1 year. But I am thinking in terms of years to come? I don't want this to be a habit!
@teapotmommommerced (10359)
• United States
20 Jun 07
If he decides to give them the money then put a limit to it this one time. I agree you should not be giving them any money. They need to live with in their means. I have to, so does a lot of other people. I would never ask anyone for money.
My older sister paid for a plan ticket for me to fly up to see her. I could not go if she did not buy the ticket. I tried to talk her out of it, I felt on edge the whole time while I was at her house because her hubby thinks I take advantage of her. I would have been happy staying home. It was great to see my older sister and then we drove to see my twin and I love them both but I know I could not afford it.
The brother in law and sister in law needs to refinance their home to get a fixed interest rate home or he needs to get another job, sell a car something so they can live within their means.
@djbizmonkey34 (633)
• United States
18 Jun 07
I'm glad to say I have never asked for money. I guess it's up to you and your husband to talk about whether or not to lend her the money. Is she planning on paying it back?? If she's not going to pay it back or else she has a history of not paying back, I wouldn't give her the money. Tell her to start saving money herself or else think of other means to get money. Your family means first, THEN MAYBE your sister-in-law.
1 person likes this
@babykay (2131)
• Ireland
19 Jun 07
to be fair to her, she hasn't asked directly for the money, though she most definitely has been hinting by telling all her hard luck stories. So if any money is given it will be offered. There is no way it will be paid back, judging by the past events. The parents have given her many thousands of euro or irish pounds over the years - I won't oppose my husband giving her some money, I just don't want it to be a habit.
