how can u stop someone from saying bad things about you????

Philippines
June 18, 2007 11:11pm CST
i have an old friend. i have been very loyal to her as a friend until i found out several years ago that she was making up stories about me which resulted to other people getting mad at me. I have forgiven her after that. My other friends are telling me that I am very stupid to still accept her as my friend because even after apologizing to me, she still continued to backbite me and tell bad stories about me. I am not confrontational. how can i stop this? should i confront her? i am not hurt anymore.....i am already very angry at her.
5 people like this
23 responses
• United States
19 Jun 07
Just stop talking to her. You dont need those types of people in your life. If she really was a friend she wouldnt have been doing those types of things anyways. Kick her to the curb.
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
19 Jun 07
You need to face up to the facts, sweet. This person is not your friend, nor probably ever was. That is why it is difficult to have true friendships woman-to-woman. Jealousy usually rears its ugly head sooner or later. Females are usually about competition. I learned this a long time ago. When dealing with people like her, she should only be considered an acquaintance.
@senthil2k (1501)
• India
19 Jun 07
There are people just like your friend who dont really value the friendship and do such unwanted and irritated things. My suggestion is to avoid her and go in your path. There is a saying in our local language that , "keep away from evil, not because you are afraid, because you are not affected". Stay away from her and in the due course, your friend will know your value and come back.
1 person likes this
@edelweiss (1929)
• India
19 Jun 07
I dont think you should stop anyone from saying anything. IF they are lying then your other friends will know that she is lying. If you are honest and good to everyone then one person cannot spoil your reputation just by fake stories. I think your friends should be wise enough to know right from fake. Ofcourse if she is saying something right then you must accept your mistakes and try to become a better person. MAybe thats her intent that you become a better person than you already are.
@dfollin (17180)
• United States
19 Jun 07
I totally agree.
@tammyr (5954)
• Etowah, Tennessee
19 Jun 07
I heard a long time ago someone say this: " If they are talking about me they are leaving someone else alone" What this person says is not true just because they have said it. It won't keep you from living your life. If a friend believes the lies without consulting you then they are not to much of a friend in the first place. As long as what is said about me doesn't: get me fired, thrown in jail , or affect my kids, I don't care! I hope that you can understand what I am saying I also heard, on here, that anyone trying to tear you down sees you as above them. So it is actually a compliment. LOL
• Philippines
19 Jun 07
Yeah...i'm jst looking on the brighter side of things. thanks.
• United States
19 Jun 07
Stop talking to her. If you do end up talking to her, don't tell her anything that can be twisted around into something bad against you. For example, you could say "I had to run off the road the other night so I wouldn't hit a dog in the road." She could turn that into "(Insert your name here) run over a dog the other night - actually run off the road to hit it." I'm sure you wouldn't do something of that nature, but that's just an example for you. So, try filtering what you say to her so she can turn your words around. If she's making things up that you have no idea where they came from, just completely stop talking to her. Although you're a good friend, she's obviously not. Personally, I wouldn't keep someone around because *I* am a good friend. I keep them around when *they* are a good friend. You don't have to confront her. She will eventually get the message.
• Philippines
19 Jun 07
Thanks. You know what's even annoying? She isn't even affected that I am giving her the cold treatment. What's worse? Whether I am good to her or if I'm not minding her at all, she doesn't stop talking about me to other people! Talk about being so weird?!? I am also just mad at her because since I couldn't defend myself to other people, they seem to believe her already, and that pisses me off! I don't know what her motive is for doing all these things to me. We're not even together now, we're not even co-workers anymore. We're absolutely living separate lives, but it seems that she is somewhat "obssessed" in making life miserable for me. Weird.
@321633wy (1795)
• United States
21 Jun 07
Oh gosh! That's is ridiculars..! and i hate the friend like that.I can understand how you fee,because i had been the victim before. Now we ended up not talking to each other no more.I think i made the right decision to cut our friendship. She is a extremely jealous person ,she will jealous about anything.She has been talking bad and twisting the fact of the story to make people believe her.I knew it for years but i try to be cool because i really treat her as my best friend and i appreciate our friendship .Although i was hurt but i still hope she will stop talking about me one day.But i'm wrong ,she even go further more to make people hate me .When comes to this point i can't take it no more . I decided to confront her and tell her not to hurt me by talking bad behind me and twisting the fact.What really disappointed me is ,she don't have any remorse , guilty or sorry for what she has done behind my back ! Yet she was so angry and yield at me ! I was like,who are you to yield at me in fact she is the one who betray me and i'm the victim! It was so disgusting and completely pissed me off .Since then we don't talk to each other and feel so much better without her in my life.I don't feel any regret for ended our friendship. To be honest with i had suffered from depression during the time she constantly talking bad and making up her own story to make people hate me.I'm so done with her...... I have learned from a very serious lesson that don't simply trust any body to fast ,you may get hurt ....
@Nardz13 (5059)
• New Zealand
21 Jun 07
Hi Leilani, Confront her in front of her boyfriend or husband... Believe me she will stop... Good luck with this...
• United States
20 Jun 07
it's sad that people we think are our friends would do things like that but it happens everyday.we can't control what other people say about us we can control our actions to what they say.you did right by giving her another chance but now you should confront and cut her off!!!you are not nobody doormat!!
@babostwick (2037)
• United States
20 Jun 07
I would say probably just end the friendship due to the fact that your friend seems to be two-faced. It's pretty sad and I've yet to have that problem. I don't say bad things about friends behind there backs. I'd rather be straight forward with a person. That would be what I would do but it is up to you to decide if you wish to accept her anymore. I'd say confront her but at the same time, don't go into a swearing bout. That won't do anything
@monalizra (219)
• Romania
20 Jun 07
she should go to a specialist, because she is really having a problem. try not to bother yourself anymore. maybe she really doesn't meam those things and she would stop but she just can't.
@blueman (16513)
• India
20 Jun 07
it depends on what kind of friends you have, and the best way to stop someone say bad about you would be to choose good and trust worthy friends.
@dfollin (17180)
• United States
19 Jun 07
You know,I don't know and I don't really care.If someone would believe remor's instead of finding out about me themselves then they don't need to be my friend.
@rakinitin (686)
• Canada
19 Jun 07
Unfortunately you cannot stop someone from talking about you anymore than you can control how they feel. I would just treat it as "Like Water Off A Ducks Back'. Life is too short to let stuff like that stress you. The less you give it energy the faster it will go away.
• United States
19 Jun 07
Your friends are right, you do need to end your friendship with this person who is not really your friend. Drop the friendship, and if she presses you about why, either tell her why or tell her you can't believe she has the nerve to ask. You did your part by forgiving the first time around, now it's time to call it quits.
@meljessxena (2317)
• Australia
19 Jun 07
your friend is just jealous of you, i think ignore her and it will just annoy her and lets hope she gives up. i had a so called close friend do that to me and in the end she gave up, but she decided to do it again so i decided that was the end of it because i was fed up so i dont bother wasting my time talking to her
@sakana (260)
• Singapore
19 Jun 07
Maybe she's just jealous of you :/ I think you should confront her and ask her why she is doing this to you. It's the only way to find out her motives, and maybe you two could work something out and become true friends!
• India
19 Jun 07
I can not do that. Its not possible.
• India
19 Jun 07
The bottomline is you cannot prevent people from saying bad things about you. Its human nature. A confrontational attitude would surely win you more enemies than friends. Could also leave you hurt. So I suggest that you play it cool by ignoring her.
@gloria777 (1676)
• India
19 Jun 07
In my language there is a saying which goes like this "We can close the mouth of 1000 pots, but we can't close one mouth of a man". So better I think is to avoid such comments & people. Just move forward and trust in your conscious.