Trusting your partner in situations where others say you shouldn't?

Afraid my situations have always been just the opposite - I was trusting and shouldn't have been, can't tell you how many relationships I've been in where the other person was messing around on me behind my back.

I try to be trusting even when most people wouldnt, but sometimes its just sooo hard! I do think I would be jealous in the situation you described! Good for you for being so trusting, it shows you have a really good relationship! My big problem is my husband had cheated before, not on me but I still know about it so I tend to worry a little more I think because of it. It just feels like a possibility. But I try my best to let stuff roll off my back and have a carefree attitude. Being jealous doesnt really help anything, so I'm working on getting better about it! Wish I was more like you! :)

That's a tough one to respond, lecanis! not because of trust issue itself but only because of delicacies involved as you may not be able to understand my reply fully without knowing the social, family and cultural back ground, values and definitions. I'll try to be as short but comprehensible as possible and I know that even then it will not remain relatively short. So, bear with me..:-) We (my wife and I) trust each other at so many levels in so many things against which our society and general wisdom would suggest strongly. The society I belong to, definition of fidelity is very strict and it is a highly regarded personal trait. Many people abuse and misuse this concept, yet when it's about marriage and relationship everyone would like to be as strict as possible. Back there, If some body was engaged earlier with someone else before marriage, They will not tell about it when proposal is made. This is especially true in case of girls, whose parents think that proposal may be rejected just because their daughter was engaged earlier to someone else. I must clear here that in our society engagement doesn't mean that they have intimate physical relationship, still parents will avoid telling about it. same was the case with me. My wife's parents didn't tell my parents or me about my wife's previous engagement which lasted for quite a while. My wife did tell me about it before marriage and not only this but all about her past, which wasn't necessary though. She told me the same thing that her parents didn't tell about it because they were fearing that our proposal may be turned down. It is also pertinent to mention that (though society is changing) still many marriages are arranged marriages, i.e. parents are deeply involved in decision making process. Like my wife, I shared with her all my past, which she said wasn't necessary. So we both knows very well about each individual who were in our lives. Even having this knowledge, doesn't stop us to have social relations with those people, involved. I am friends with many people, whom my wife was related with some how, similarly my wife is friends with many girls who were in my life one way or the other. We are attached to each other in such a strong way that question of trust never came between us. Your post made me think it deeply now as to if we trust each other or not. Seeing so much intermingling with people from our past, I don't think there is any question of trust here between us. Many of my past acquaintances/proposals are married to my close friends, similarly many of my wife's past people are married to her close friends or even to my acquaintances. My wife even tried to get some of the girls from my past married to my close relations. So if she ever thought about this question, I believe, she would never do what she has been doing in getting them married or trying them married to my close relations. We have been away from each other for a considerable part of our marriage due to different academic schedules. I am studying here and she was studying back there and even now she has to prepare for her specialization exams and again she is away from me. We know that even if we remain away from each other for many years, even then question of getting intimately and physically engaged with someone else is out of question. Ultimately I figure out that it's love that keeps us attached to each other, no mater what. When this love is pure, nothing can move us to engage ourselves with other people. I know that even if someone told me that my wife was alone with some other person, I won't either believe it or won't think for a moment that this being alone with someone else has anything to do with physical intimacy. Because I know who she is! my loveable/cherish able and loving wife:-) wait! I need to call her to check what she is doing right now!=P

Trusting our partner is the most important piece in a relationship. Without the complete TRUSTING there's is no peace of mind and there is no point of staying in a certain relationship. When you're secured and believe in a relationship with your partner you should give in the whole faith in him/her. I usually don't listen to other people's opinion when I know its pointless.(,")

Hi lecanis, I am sure from what you said that you know your partner better than those who are telling you not to trust him. As you share comments on my site and respond to others it is clear that you have a strong intuitive sense of things. You also have shared that your soul path involves energy-based thinking with a variety of spiritual allies around you. I am sure if something 'untrustworthy' was going on with people within your inner circle (especially your partner) you would 'know.' My hubby and I have been through many rough patches over our coming on 17 years together and sometimes my friends have told me not to trust him either. But I am of the same mind you are about jealousy and mistrust...I go with my felt sense of it over anything outside 'judgers' tell me. In situations like you have described could it be that those who are telling you not to trust him are envious of the bond you have? A lot of couples have given each other reason to be suspicious and/or jealous. They may not have a frame of reference for what you and your partner share...I know it has happened with my Sweetie in the past. I do not see any problem with men having platonic women friends or women having platonic male friends...especially when there is history there. In our society people cannot process that either because they confuse emotional intimacy with sexuality...but that is a whole other subject. In my view...you already have your own answers on this...and just keep on listening to that intutive, knowing voice that is so much a part of what makes you...you!

I have had situations of the complete opposite - people tell me that I should trust someone in a situation that probably seems harmless to them, but I often can't do that. I think this is probably because I haven't yet found someone that I COULD trust not to do something. Though I'm sure that if I was with someone long enough, and trusted them enough to marry them, then I would definatly be able to trust them, even in a situation like that. Like you said, why would you marry someone you didn't trust? Even though its hard for me, at this stage, to imagine myself being able to trust someone like that, I know that I will probably find someone who I can trust in the future.

I have - however in the end the others were proven to be right =( I do trust my bf now as well and he never gives me or anyone else a chanse to doubt him. I would also not have a problem with him having female friends and he does not have a problem with my male friends. Trust is the foundation in a relation - without it it´s useless =)

I would guess that is one reason why your relationship works well for you and your husband. You have a certain level of trust and with that trust you can depend on the other to remain true and faithful. I would think this is the kind of situation that will strengthen your bonds. Letting the other person have freedom to make choices is part of creating a strong relationship. This is one instance that requires your complete faith and trust. If you can't ever put it to the test, you can never build upon your relationship. I kind of envy you. Take care.

My old roommate really caused a lot of problems in my relationship. It didn't start until she and I became roommates actually. I'd make a comment about my partner doing something or other and she'd say something that would lead me to believe she thought more of the situation than I did. Granted, I may of had to worry in some aspects, but I got to the point I just didn't anymore, because if something happened, then you really can't do anything about it, regardless of what you believe.

I would think this would be a good and healthy relationship , when you can trust each other fully and not have to worry about jealously . I believe that everyone would love to have a relationship like this and just don't understand why you are not upset and jealous because they have always had reason to be jealous or worried about anything like this in their own relationship . If this were me then I would be jealous and upset but only because my husband has proved to me many times in the past that I have reason to mistrust different individuals . I think it is great that you have this type of relationship and would have to say you probably have a better relationship then most people are lucky enough to find .

Well after reading this a few times I would have to say that I think its your friends that have the problem. If a guy wants to cheat, he wouldnt be telling you that hes going to meet his ex, it would be more like he's going out with his buddies. It seems to me that your friends seem to have issues with trusting their respective mates. If you can trust the person your with than you have a problem. If he wants to cheat, he would find a way. It doesnt sound to me that you have anything to worry about with your husband. I think I might worry about your friends relationships though. Take care, Terry

I wish it was true for me but unfortunately after one mishap its hard to trust easily. I do try though and I know that I do get jealous easily which is one fault I am working on. Its nice to read about others in a very strong and trusting relationship as I know we are almost there :)

I have been in this situation. a few years back my hubbys ex gf who he has a sone too shows up out of the blue after she had been in "hiding" for almost 2 years. I didnt think there were anything i should feel threatened about my hubby and i werent yet married but we had just had a beautiful little girl that was born 10 weeks early and we had just had almost 2 months of the most wonderful bonding you can imagine nothing can bring you closer then the love for a child and especialy one so small and fragile. So i never thought anything of it. And i really wanted him to see his son and i had hoped she would stick around or at least not go back into hiding from us. After that visit of hers we got married maybe 2 months later and have been married for 6 years now and there was a total of one time that i was even near jealous. Coinsidntaly, i shoudl of been very nervous and jelous back when she had visited because she was there with the sole purpose of gettting him back but i didnt know that till years later but i had trust in him where i knew i didnt need to worry.

Yes, and eventually the other people were right. they were more in tune to the things i want in life, and the things I enjoy. They could see it, and within a year so could I. Your situation sounds different in you are married, and are independent enought to be trusting. Your relationship involves a give and take you both have worked out satisfactorily. To graph it out for the doubters would detract from your relationship. It is nice some people can find an agreeable solution to this. If he is your "lovely hubby" enough went right to begin with.

yes this happened a few times, i trust my partner with my life and i dont care what people say about not trusting him. i agree with you, if i didnt trust him i would be with him

My husband will talk to anyone and anybody, men and women alike, including his ex-wife and ex-girlfriends. If I didn't trust him, I would go crazy, but I know my husband wouldn't do anything with any of those women. Of course, there have been situations where other women have blatently come on to him right in front of me, and that drives me crazy, mostly because it shows a total lack of respect for me and my relationship with my husband.

you said all that needed to be said. if yu did'nt trust him you would'nt have married him. he is your husband no one no him better then you.

i dont think you should consider much what other people would say as long as things go pretty well with you and your husband. honestly if that happens to me i would be jealous... it's ok that they would chat but talking over the phone would be too much for me. But as I could see it, it is a weakness on my part, meaning i find it your strength to tolerate such kind of situations.

i don't know but to me, i'm the jealous type..and i think whoever he had been with in his past would affect me and feel threatened..it would be very uncomftable, though we trust them, we need to be sure of it..guy's don't want to get caught and won't even admit it, they just tell you after a year..which is sad, coz i have to cry over it and get hurt..and still forgive him. :(

trusting your partners during various situations depends on ones perceptions and views about your partner, but i would say one must not rely on others views on your partner, we must just consider their comments as just guidelines and definitely not as rules, so it all depends upon your view, understanding about your partner