Help! I don't know what else to do

United States
June 23, 2007 2:15pm CST
I have a 16 yr old son who as a child was pudgy. He was teased when he was younger by other kids my husband who was saying it in fun , and some by his grandparents on his father (my ex's)side. He lives with his dad and now he is 5'91/4" and weighs 146lbs he is trying to get a six pack and works out non stop. It would be all good but he barely eats like one meal a day. hes terrified of getting fat. He is soo skinny. I as well as my husband and others have tried to tell him that he needs to eat more to be healthy and to get the look he wants. Is there anyone that could help me give him more information on what foods to eat that might help. Or is there someone else out there that has gone through this that could help. Any thing would be helpful. thanks
1 person likes this
12 responses
@aamoore (61)
• United States
23 Jun 07
Let me first say that I wish both you parents all the best. I do not know how you must feel, but you both obviously need to seek professional help for your son. The world is too obsessed with how each other looks and not just loving ourselves and realising that we all cannot be the same. Being healthy is wonderful. I used to weigh 360, but I was a powerlifter and I quit doing that as it was too much on my body. My fiance is a health nut, which is a good thing, but she does not starve herself, nor does she binge, but she worksout a lot, but not too much. We just purchased an elliptical and we already have a home gym and we will be working out a lot on it and eating much better. This is a decision we made together. You said in your statement that he was teased and his father thought it was funny and also his grandparents on his fathers side did as well, but what did you do to douse the situation or did you go with the flow. i am not blaming you, but, do you think that you would do anything different know ing what you know now? I wish you all the best in getting help for your child. You have a great day!
1 person likes this
• United States
23 Jun 07
I didn not go with the flow. I told my husband to stop and it did. thanks for repling.
@KrisNY (7591)
• United States
24 Jun 07
Sounds to me as if all the picking really bothered him and now he is doing whatever he can- to not go through that again- It is sad- It doesn't only happen in girls as we can see by your son- I would take him to the doctor- Have them explain what is needed each day to keep healthy- If this doesn't work- How about a gym in town- The weight trainers can help him- and set him up with a meal plan- maybe he would follow this- if it was coming from someone who was already fit-
@birthlady (5613)
• United States
24 Jun 07
You could let your son know that it takes dietary protein and complex carbs to build muscle. Here's a link for nutrition: http://www.5aday.gov
@tyler7h (85)
• Canada
24 Jun 07
I have seen this problem once before. I have training in conflict management through a police course I took. This training is transferable to all conflicts. The system that will be most effective is S.A.R.A + F. S - Scanning (What is the problem at hand) A - Analyzing (research the problem) R - Response (implement action based on research) A - Assessment (Assess success) + F - Followup (continue to monitor) All problems are stemmed through a pain agent. In this case You sons has inferiorties about his appearance based on the critizicism and redicule he may have recieved when he was younger is sounds like. Young child are very susceptible to influence in the early years. The important thing here is be a "coach" and a "Parent". While your son may have associated food as a negative stimulate its your job to coach him into proper eating habits through the use of education, progressive intervals, and continuing support. Show you son the benefits to a healthly lifestlye as well as the negative ramafications thereof. Also by talking and bonding with him, try to excerpt some underlying causes of his behaviour. If you can target the underlyning causes, you can then develop some strategies to fight those causes and greatly increase your chances of success. RECOMMENDED STRATEGIES: 1. Education - Again talk with your son, the more you talk the more you learn. Bonding takes place at this stage. show him that by not eating, the body actually stores fat cell because its not getting proper nutrients and has to conserve, which is a proven fact my medical practioners. 2. Progressive Intervals - If your son still does not want to eat, then slowly work him in as he has to eat in order to survive. Start with something small than progressively build. Even if you have to sneak in food. Don't rush because rushing will cause everything to crumble and the bond of trust will be be dimished. 3. Build Self Esteem - many people with inferorities sometimes have self esteem issues which are often times another contributing factor. Luckily this can be easily turned around. This is where being a parent comes into play. Doing things such as a hug, praise or playing games or sports can quickly boost self esteem and confidence in ones self. By participating in physical activity you are enagaging in wellness as well as understanding a world that your son is in. When you can relate to someone, you have an opportunity to make an impact on his life. Support is key for any behaviour change. I hope this has been of help to you, also speaking with your local health unit can also provide you with some mroe tips for success. Knowledge is power, the more you know the better. good luck.......
• United States
24 Jun 07
i heard that there is a thing called phantom fat your son may fstill feel fat this was in a prevention mag a few years back one way to help is too look in the mirror ans see yourself as you are now everyday instead of you back then. i suggest putting mirrors everywhere so he can see himself now maybe after a month tell him how you feel again with a bit more compassion he may listen
@alex309 (45)
• China
24 Jun 07
my opinion is go to the hospital and ask the expect how to solve it ,then listen people in the Mylot what they said which is right.do not believe you can solve by youself.just my ideas !
• United States
24 Jun 07
Does your health insurance cover a consultation with a nutritionist? They could help him develop a well balanced health plan. Some local hospitals offer classes as well not just for people trying to lose weight but just for nutrition info. Sometimes when a complete stranger says the samething a parent does- Kids will accept it. He is too young to work out that intensely with weights. He needs an age appropriate excercise plan as he is still growing and lifting weights is not recommended as an intense workout. What about soccer or swimming? Oh and since your ex husband and his family are mostly to blame for possible self esteem issues, they should have to drive him to whatever classes or healthy activities he wants to go to -to show their support.
@miamilady (4924)
• United States
24 Jun 07
I don't mean to sound harsh here but it truly angers me when people tease kids who aren't thin. I don't know why it's so hard for people to realize how hurtful and even dangerous (as your son is demonsrating now) to do that. I don't know how far he has gone, but I would suggest you do some research on anorexia. It is more common in girls than boys, but I imagine boys can suffer from it too. As far as what he should be eating, I can't tell you, but I'm sure you'll find some answers here in mylot. You might also want to talk to his doctor.
• India
24 Jun 07
I can associate myself with your son's character.even i as a 16 year old boy was exactly like your son.Today i am 22 years old & i feel mature enough to understand what is right and what is not.boys of your son's age are rather selfmotive & unfletched.They doesn't seem to listen & understand what an experianced or an elder person says.To him what he thinks would be right.I suggest you to take him to a professional who has a perfect body,this would definately help you,as an experianced person i am telling you & even if this doesn't seem to bring change in his thinking then leave him alone he would definately learn it by himself.......
@wachit14 (3600)
• United States
24 Jun 07
Having a teenage daughter who also has a fear of getting fat, I can tell you that your son may have an eating disorder. It is happening more and more with boys now. My advice based on my own experience is to take him to his pediatrician first and have him have a complete physical to make sure that he is in good health. Chances are he is, but you have to make sure first. The next step would be for him to either talk to a therapist, and/or a nutritionist who specializes in working with kids his age. He needs to get good advice on who to eat healthy for his age, and not gain excess weight. If he's working out constantly, he should be eating five or six small meals throughout the day to help fuel his metabolism. He also need to drink plenty of water so that he doesn't become dehydrated. Good luck to you and your family.
@Foxxee (3653)
• United States
23 Jun 07
Well he obviously was effected by the words of his father and grandparents. This is why people shouldn't call children names, it always ends up effecting them somehow. I guess the only thing you can do is keep telling him he needs to eat healthier. If not, have him see a Nutritionist. The Nutritionist would be really helpful.
• United States
23 Jun 07
I know that when kids get a certain age they get kind of a "body conscious" thing going..working out is probally good for him...I have two sons that are aged 23 and 26 they both go in and out of the weight lifting phase..my oldest son use to be a sort of "chubby little boy..then got skinny and more "cut"..he likes to call it..now he is just a "daddy"..my youngest son use to be skinny..now he likes to work out sometimes..really just because of the girls..but I can remember going on diets ..getting skinny...then buff..then feeling "bloated"..but if it really seems to be a serious problem now with your son then I would suggest counseling..but after he meets a girl this will probally not be a first priority..I hope the best for him..