Should we re-shower?

Canada
June 25, 2007 8:53am CST
In my circle of family and friends, people believe that a woman should receive a bridal shower (sometimes a few, depending who wants to host them and where) for her first wedding and a baby shower for her first baby. After that time, we don't "re-shower" for subsequent marriages or children. However, I know that I have personally been invited to second (and even third) showers for the same person, each time they've had a new baby or if they've gotten remarried. I've also been invited to a "divorce shower" for a woman whose family thought she should have all new things for her new place. Do you like the idea of a shower for each occasion? Do you object to being invited to these subsequent parties? Some people say they're a "gift grab" or a way of getting others to fund expenses; other people think they're are a darn good reason for a celebration! How do you feel about it?
2 people like this
4 responses
@villageanne (8554)
• United States
25 Jun 07
LOL A divorce shower?? LOL That is a new one. I think a family should have one baby shower only. Unless her kids are more than 10 years apart. As far as wedding showers. I think it is fine to have a wedding shower for each marriage. If the woman has made a career out of getting marrried and divorced many times, I would quit the wedding shower also.
1 person likes this
• Canada
25 Jun 07
Yep, a divorce shower LOL I have to admit I was pretty caught off-guard by THAT invitation. I think it depends a lot on the age of the person, too... this one was relatively young and her friends, some of whom were still single, gave the impression they were trying to immerse her back into "singledom" by giving her this big party and a fresh start. But it was still weird LOL
• Canada
25 Jun 07
Ugh... I forgot the rest of my comment! I wanted to say, if the family supports the idea (in this case, she had just her mom and a couple of aunts and they were all for it), then I think people follow that lead and are more inclined to do the multiples. But I know it just doesn't fly in my family LOL
• United States
30 Jul 07
My family only throws a bridal shower and a baby shower for the first baby. After that it's up to you to save what you've gotten for the next kids. Thank goodness we haven't had to deal with 2nd marriages yet! I've been invited to baby showers were the person was having baby #3 and yes they expected a party each time. I have always voluntarily given a gift when a baby was born to someone I know, but nothing big or extravagant. I feel I help you with the first kid/marriage it's up to you to save it and use it again.
• Canada
30 Jul 07
Hi helpingmomsathome and welcome to MyLot :) I hope you'll have a lot of fun here! Yep! Your family sounds just like mine LOL Both my sister and I have married twice and we each had showers for the firsts. We also both know people who, as you said, DO expect showers EACH time. Some have actually been blatant about figuring these into their planning - such as one female acquaintance who actually said she wouldn't be buying much in small items because "I'll get all that stuff at showers." Showers? Plural? My goodness. I loved my baby shower beyond all sense and reason (LOL!) but I didn't EXPECT it. I was grateful to be celebrated but, believe me, I was prepared to buy anything and everything the baby was going to need. Not having to was just a fabulous gift in itself :D
• United States
1 Jul 07
I think it all depends on how much time has passed between showers. I had my first 2 kids more than a decade apart, so it was nice to have a second baby shower, even though I wasn't expecting it at all! As for a second wedding shower, hmm..... not so much. I do like the idea of the divorce shower if the marriage was painful and she wants to start fresh. I think that's neat and a great reason to celebrate! Last year we had a 2nd baby shower for a new neighbor who had moved from another state. None of us knew her when she had her first baby so it was fun to throw her the shower. For another neighbor who was having her second child we had a diaper shower, where we just had snacks and gave her a ton of diapers. I always think it's fun to celebrate with friend's!
1 person likes this
• Canada
30 Jul 07
I don't know how I missed your response, awonderfullife! Thanks for giving it :) I do agree that there are a lot of great reasons that we should celebrate with and for our friends... I mean, there are enough sad things that happen in life. Maybe we need to really seek out ALL of the best things and highlight them :) I am seriously starting to believe that, among the folks I know, the stumbling block is using the word "shower". To them, it seems to be indelibly linked to "firsts" (whether it's wedding or baby). If these celebrations had another name (like a "YAHOOOO I'm finally divorced party" or an "OMG how on earth can I be pregnant again when I already threw out all my baby stuff party" or something else lighthearted LOL!), I bet it would be received in a HUGELY different way. By the way, I also think it's great to do a shower for someone that you didn't know previously and who has come to be a good friend -- no matter which wedding or baby they happen to be on ;) It's still YOUR first with them in the social circle :)
@Suze05 (480)
• United States
25 Jun 07
Thats pretty much how we are about showers too..first marriage, first baby you get a shower, but after that, not so much. But I dont think there's anything wrong with a second shower in certain cases.. if it's for someone who got married and had a baby and got quickly divorced and remarried and had another baby..or even stayed married to the first hubby and is having babies close together then another shower isn't necessary. But sometimes its a case where someone got married young had a wedding shower and then a baby and a baby shower..or never got married and just had a baby anyway so they got a baby shower..but then maybe they got divorced and decided to remarry a few years later.. why shouldn't they get another shower if someone wants to throw one.. or if they had a baby and then waited 4 or 5 years between and they got rid of all their baby things.. if someone wants to throw one for them, I don't see why they shouldn't have one. Good reason for a party! :O))
1 person likes this
• Canada
25 Jun 07
And who doesn't love a party?! LOL :) :) It's true that we all seem to know or have heard of people who have THEORETICALLY completed their family and then, after getting rid of all their baby things, OOPS!!! Along comes a new addition! I'm sure it's really helpful, in a case like that, if people want to do another shower.