Do you have a Monster-In-Law??
By tinamwhite
@tinamwhite (3252)
United States
June 26, 2007 2:39pm CST
What kind of mother-in-law do you have? Friendly .... Helpful ....Cantankerous...Nosy...Mean....Spiteful....Cold...Perfect..a Nightmare...
My mother-in-law appears as a regal high society socialite but in reality she is a caring, warm person...she just does not show her feelings easily....
She has done so many really nice things for me and my children...I know that she holds the highest respect for me...she never meddles into my personal business...I have never heard her say a cross word in almost 20 years....
I feel lucky to have her as my mother-in-law....what about you???
Do you have a Monster-In-Law???
6 people like this
19 responses
@lexus54 (3572)
• Singapore
27 Jun 07
You might have known from some of my other responses that I have a MIL who stays with me. I didn't have a choice really, because I married her youngest daughter, and my wife's only other sister lives in a smaller home than mine.
Well, my MIL is a simple, kind and caring person who have other people's interest at heart. She treats me well (she has to..haha...so that I treat her daughter well in return) and we get along very fine. She divorced very many years ago, and brought both her daughters up, so I respect her greatly for this. But being 85 now, she is not that strong physically (that's why I now have a maid) and her main problem is memory loss. Sometimes, her memory span is as short as 15 minutes only, so we have to exercise patience with her, otherwise tempers will fray. Although we stay in the same household, we respect each other's privacy and I let her have her own space, which is usually in the living room in front of the TV, while I spend more of my time in my study room. My main concern for her is to preserve her health as best as possible.
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Yes, my friend...I was aware that your MIL lived with you...she suffers from some of the same difficulties that my own Mother suffers with....I was also raised by my mother without any influence from my father until I was 16...so I have great respect for her...
Also, I understand the need for some private space so nerves will not fray....I have set her room up with sitting area and a television; she seems perfectly content with it this way...coming to the living room when she wants to socialize....LOL
I am glad that you and your MIL share a good relationship...and thanks for sharing with me....
@lexus54 (3572)
• Singapore
27 Jun 07
It's essential to have a good relationship with anyone (not just the MIL) who stays in the same household as you. I just can't imagine it otherwise...life will be unbearable, and you will not feel like coming home. It will be hell for me and my MIL if I have a monster-in-law!!
1 person likes this
@34momma (13882)
• United States
28 Jun 07
my mother-in-law is a lovely woman. not only do i value her as a mother-in-law, grandma, but also as a friend. she is just a sweet, caring, understanding woman. a woman who can cook her butt off as well. which is always a plus in my book
1 person likes this
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
29 Jun 07
I am so glad to hear that, my friend...it seems that you have great respect for her and you are right...cooking well is always a plus...LOL
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
29 Jun 07
I am so sorry, Hun...I went through this with my first marriage...it sure makes things difficult especially if he would not defend you to them...
@browneyedgirl (1264)
• United States
27 Jun 07
It sounds like you're a lucky one. I'm looking forward to being a mother-in-law. I also really hope that my new children don't see me as a monster-in-law. I hope they will feel as comfortable with me as my own children do. There's almost nothing I wouldn't do for my kids and grandkids. But I think that any relationship-whether kids and parents, in-laws, etc.-is give and take. I've always tried to be loving and kind and am pretty easy-going generally. But I can be a monster when I have to be-and some people just seem to push because they don't have any respect for anyone, unfortunately. It's a two way street and you get what you give.
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Browneyedgirl....You sound very similar to me...I also think that alot of the difficulties can arise from hurt feelings and not being able to communicate with each other OR from holding grudges...
I am sure that you will be a marvelous MIL...
Thanks for sharing with me...
@KissThis (3003)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I haven't married my fiancee yet but I feel that I can answer this discussion. My soon to be mother in law is a very nice lady once you take the time to really get to know her. When I first met her she wouldn't say much to me. Once she realized her son and I plan to marry she finally let down the wall that she had placed between us. We now do somethings together like going to yard sales. I think she always wanted a daughter but instead she got a son and grandsons.
1 person likes this
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
27 Jun 07
KissThis...I think it would be difficult for her to know how to interact with a girl if all she has experience with is boys...but it appears that once she knew you were here to stay that she is making the effort to get closer to you..
I hope that your realtionship will comtinue to bloom, my friend...
Thanks, hun for sharing with me....
@butterfly101 (54)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I would say for me she is a bit two faced. The type that puts on a smile and acts like she really likes me and everything but behind my back , complains about stuff I do or the way I am.
1 person likes this
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Butterfly, first let me take this opportunity to WELCOME you to myLot...it is a great community to seek advice, share experience, make friends and money...I hope that you find it an enjoyable experience....
I am sorry that you are having some difficulties with your MIL...possibly she is unsure about this relationship...she may come around after a while...usually, in my opinion, MIL are a little stand-offish in the beginning....I would not appreciate her talking behind my back though...does she complain to he son about you? What is his reaction to this? Does he stand up for you? or does he attempt to appease his mother??
I hope that things improve between you and your MIL...it can be difficult on a relationship when there are internal family problems...
Good luck....I would try to talk to her...but I am just that way..not everyone is...wither way, I wish you all the best...
@krislouiebaby (2347)
• Philippines
27 Jun 07
my MIL is so nice to me,she even take care of my baby when i'm at work, she evev change the diaper and bathe my son.she is alow profile person,kindhearted and so loving.
i am proud and so lucky to have a mother in law like her. i love you inang enyang.
1 person likes this
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Awwwww...she does sound like she is a wonderful MIL....I can feel how much how mush you appreciate her in your life....
Your son will benefit greatly from sharing a close relationship with his Grandmother....
Thanks for sharing, my new friend....
@dragonstar13 (1465)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I had a Monster-in-Law, she didn't approve of me or her son, she meddled in our relationship constantly and while I blame the divorce on my ex, his mother certainly didn't help things. Fortunately, she is his mother so he got her in the divorce.
On a positive note, I use her as a model of how not to treat my sons and daughter in law.
1 person likes this
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
27 Jun 07
While I am sorry that you had to endure this type oftreatment from your ex-MIL, I see that you have used this negative time in your life to make things better for your family....
I am also glad that you did not have to maintain custody of her in the divorce.....LMAO
I would guess from the way I read this...that they deserve each other.....
Thanks for sharing with me....
@gypsylady28 (945)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I have a mother-in-law, but I have only met her once in 7 years. She lives far away from us, so most of the contact is phone calls. But she will be coming for a visit on July 5th and staying until the 17th. So we will see how it goes. LOL how bad can 12 days be?
1 person likes this
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I am hopeing that those 12 days will be blessed with happiness and fellowship between family....One time in 7 years...is a long time...BUT you have 7 years of marriage under your belt to show that the deciion that you and her son made was the right one for ya'll....
Most MIL, just want their children to be happy and their grandchildren to be loved and cared for....
So, I am sure it will be fun for you ....if not, then yes, 12 days is not too long....LOL
Thanks for sharing with me....Good Luck...relax and enjoy her visit....
@Anniedup (3651)
• Richards Bay, South Africa
27 Jun 07
Just like you I have a fantastic mother-in-law. She is 84 and coming to visit us for a month in July. I cant wait for her visit. I love her to bits! I guess my input here is quite boring, will watch this discussion to see who has a monster-in-law! lol!
1 person likes this
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Annie, your inpur could never be boring....I am so glad that you are close to your MIL and that she is going to get to visit for a whole month...that should be wonderful for you and your spouse...
Thanks, my friend...I appreciate it....
@cmsk2005 (1770)
• United States
27 Jun 07
my mother-in-law is beautiful and very very nice. I dont think myself better than her. She doesn't say any rude thing to me ever and very much friendly, understanding and sympathetic to me. She knows how it feels like leaving own home after marriage...so I love her. She doesn't talk much but has a great smile on her face all the time...that i like very much and I tell her that i like ur smile....
1 person likes this
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I think that is wonderful...sometimes a smile says enough...
Thanks for sharing with me...
@dvyn83 (11)
• Philippines
27 Jun 07
i've got a partner and having our 1st baby on the way. my mother in law if i may call her is very much against me. she always raises her brow whenever we cross paths. and believe it or not, i haven't seen her smile or experienced speaking with her. i do not know why she hates me this much since her son and i started being friends up ti the moment we realized that we want to grow old together. and she is one of the reasons why we're not yet legally binded
1 person likes this
@laydee (12798)
• Philippines
27 Jun 07
Sadly, my friend has this type of mother-in-law and I don't know how to advice her about it. Could you guys give me some tips and strategies in order that they be at peace?
She isn't living with her but she does come over a lot to complain and even ask her for money (since the son works overseas and the some gives the support of his parents to my friend).
She just got married barely one year, and she's experiencing great trauma and hates the situation.
1 person likes this
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
27 Jun 07
First, Laydee, let me take this opportunity to WELCOME you to myLot..it is a great community to seek advice, share experiences, make friends, and make some money...I hope that you find your experiences here enjoyable...
Since the marriage is still fairly young, possibly the MIL is concerned that this is the best decision for her son...short of that..if your friend would possibly sit down and talk to her MIL...express her appreciation for all of the help and support she is providing in her son's absence....maybe she could also seek some advice about things that she is finding difficult...thereby making the MIL feel that she is providing an invaluable service to her DIL...
Try to include her more in the day-to-day activities and invite her to dinner, or lunch....make an effort and usually thing will straighten themselves out...
While some MIL seem to thrive on being difficult...alot of times..they are unsure of what their standing in their sons/daughters lives following a new marriage....
I hope that this is helpful to your friend and thank you for sharing with me....
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I have the very best mother in law in the world! When I married her son several years ago, I came into the marriage with a daughter from a previous marriage. She treated my daughter as if she were her own. When other children were born, she showed not one ounce of discrimination between her own blood grandchildren and my other daughter. Ten years passed and her son and I divorced. My oldest daughter is now grown with 2 children of her own and this woman still treats her and her children as her own. she is no longer my mother in law but she is still one of my favorite people and a very close friend.
1 person likes this
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
27 Jun 07
Sid, First of all I want to welcome you to myLot...I hope that you will enjoy it here as much as I do...it is a great community to ask advice, make friends, make alittle extra money, and share life experiences....
My present MIL has aways treated my 2 childrent hat I brought intothis 20 yr. marriage the same way...it is just such a blessing...it makes you feel at ease and so thankful considering some of the horror stores of Monster-In-Laws....
Thanks for sharing with me....
@wolfie34 (26771)
• United Kingdom
26 Jun 07
Sometimes I wish I was dating the monster-in-laws than their offspring lol! I tell you my friend the two relationships I had which were mentally abusive I got on well with the mothers and they treated me like a surrogate son, so I have been very fortunate in that respect, typical, I should have dated the mother in law instead lol!
1 person likes this
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
26 Jun 07
You are so lovable...how could anyone resist you, my dearest Wolfie...your honesty, loyalty, kindness and caring would make you irresistible....
I am sorry that your relationships with these people was so painful for you...as you know I have had a similar past and know the ramifications of that type of life...
I a glad that the mothers of these monsters were good to you...you deserve to be treated well....
@Married2aMarine (1273)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I'm very, very fortunate and blessed with a wonderful mother-in-law. She's like my own mom...who, by the way, lives in a different country. So, having my mother-in-law here makes a big difference. We get along wonderful even when her son and I were just dating. Now, we're really like mother and daughter. Sometimes, I feel like I can even tell her things I can't even tell my own mom. She's so understanding, non-judgemental, kind and has a great sense of humour. I just wished we live a little closer. She and my father-in-law are coming to visit this weekend! So, I'm really excited!!! I have not seen them since Christmas.
1 person likes this
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
27 Jun 07
I am so happy that you are blessed with a wonderful MIL...it really sounds like a blessing for you with your Mom so far away....and I am sure it helps alot with your hubby gone to be able to share a closeness to his Mom....
My MIL live about 5-6 hours away and so we do not see them as much as I would like to either......
@aprilgrl (4460)
• United States
26 Jun 07
I thought I did well she wasn't nice to me when I married her son I think she just didn't want anyone to marry him and won't let go. I felt the anger around me every time I see her I just have those strange feelings hard to explain. One day my hubby and I told her that we are pregnant she was kind of sad and happy I am sure she was so happy, so after the baby was born I can tell she was happy. Oh yeah I forgot she didn't even come to the wedding shower and that hurt my feelings and said not to send the family one too again I was hurt. People would ask where's your mother-in-law and your husband's family I just told them the truth they all said it was bad. as the years goes by she passed away and I told my husband about her and he told me that she really thought of me alot and cared about me but I thought she was mean and he said that's the way she is and now I wish I was nice to her but she started it :P but I did my best to be nice to her and even took care of her once but she refused to take her medicine so I didn't argue with her.
1 person likes this
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
26 Jun 07
I am sorry that you did not get he chance to know how she felt about you when she was still here...
It does have to make you feel good knowing that even though you shared a strined relationship...she was able to recognize that you joining her family was an asset...she was able to see the joy that you brought to her son's life...
I am sure that she knows....that you will take goodcare of her son and grandchild(ren) well in her absence...
Thanks for shaing with me....
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
26 Jun 07
A friendly, caring and loving mother in law. She is very sweet, always caring and spoils my son to bits. She sends cards every now and then as well as a parcel full of stickers, books and maybe a top or shorts. Its a pity we live so far away as I'm sure she would be visiting us every day if she had the chance to. She is definitely a lovely lady :)
1 person likes this
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
26 Jun 07
I am so happy for you, my friend....it crtainly makes life much easier and happier when it works out this way...
She does sund like a lovely lady....
Thanks, hun...
@jnallen_487 (800)
• United States
26 Jun 07
My MIL is okay! I would change some things about her if I could. But in that case, I would change things about myself too. lol The one thing that really irks me about her is that when we lived in another state, she would visit us a lot and now that we live about 20 minutes from her, she hardly visits at all. I don't care about her being involved in my life, but my son is a different story. She also called me and we talked a lot more when my husband was away in Korea and Iraq. She hardly ever does that anymore. I'm sure that there are plenty of things she doesn't like about me though so life goes on.
1 person likes this
@tinamwhite (3252)
• United States
26 Jun 07
Maybe she thinks that if she is at your house too much it will become a nuisance....
It seems a shame that your son seems disappointed with the inattentiveness of your MIL...
Maybe you could call her and tell that you miss the closeness that you shared while her son was deployed...just a suggestion...she may be so touched that things improve dramatically while would make everyone happy I would think....
Wish you the very best and thank you for sharing with me....
1 person likes this
