How would you explain this to your children?

United States
June 27, 2007 6:00pm CST
How would you explain to your children and family if you were pregnant and suffered a miscarriage? How would you explain to your children? I've never faced this situation before, so I'm not sure how I would handle it, if it ever happened to me. But, I would love to hear your input on the subject. I'm worried that if my spouse and I decide to become pregnant again, we'll face a similar situation. Realistically many women did. There is a history of miscarriages in my family, so it may be something we have to deal with eventually. And, my daughter is old enough to understand that something has gone wrong. It wouldn't be an issue that could simply be ignored or brushed off. I simply can't imagine how I would explain such a situation to her. Could you please share how you may have handled this with your own family, friends and children? What words would you say to soften the impact of bad news when dealing with children?
3 people like this
10 responses
@tinamwhite (3255)
• United States
28 Jun 07
When my daughter was 13 months old...I lost a child...it was not something that she was old enough to understand...a year later I had her brother... Skip forward, when I married my husband almost 20 years ago, we lost a baby at 18 weeks gestation....the other kids were 14, 12, 11....it was very hard for us to go through....we were so excited about the baby and then it was gone...they said I would probably never be able to have another baby...We sat the kids down and talked to them...answered all of the questions that we could without getting too far into detail....his parents were crushed.... Almost 11 years to the day later, we had a 6 1/2 pound little boy.....he is one of the greatest blessings in our life.... I am not sure that I answered your question...but I tried....
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Jul 07
Thank you my friend, for doing such a superb job. You shared both your sadness and your joy and helped me realize that life does exist after miscarriage. And, that was one of my greatest fears, that if it ever happened to me, I would not be able to go on. And, the answer, is that I would. So, thank you for sharing! Your words were much appreciated.
1 person likes this
@sidoney (1033)
• Jamaica
28 Jun 07
you can try telling her that it was not the baby's time to come and be with you and had to go home to God kids these days are not idiots they know what goes on
1 person likes this
@maybel13 (205)
• Philippines
28 Jun 07
I just hope it won't happen to me. But if I will be in that situation, probably I'm gonna talk to my child what happened and I'll try to use words that she can understand well.
1 person likes this
@gmakesmoney (2923)
• United States
28 Jun 07
I have had several miscarriages myself however I have no children so I've not had to explain this to any children. However if I had to I would first wait, like many above have stated, until I was out of that 1st trimester and maybe even showing before I were to tell them that I was pregnant. This way you can avoid having to say anything at all should an early miscarriage occur. If it was later than that I would just explain that everything in life has a purpose and a time and that this just wasn't the right time for their little brother or sister and that it's ok to be sad about it and I would tell them that perhaps at a later time mommy might have another baby. I'd also make a point of telling them that it was nobody's fault, children often blame things on themselves as they have no real concept of not everything involving them.
@eden32 (3976)
• United States
30 Jun 07
I had two miscarriages last year, my children were 17, 13 & 4 at the time. My 4 year old didn't yet know I was pregnant either time & my other two are old enough to understand that miscarriages happen sometimes. For kids in the say 5-10 year old range, I think I would just keep it simple if they already knew that mom was expecting. Just explaining that sometimes things go wrong in a pregnancy & that it's a normal but sad experience. I'd answer any questions they might come up with and reassure them that I was healthy & OK.
@wachit14 (3600)
• United States
28 Jun 07
My girlfriend went through just such a situation. She had two boys in elementary school and never really intended to have a third child, but when she found out she was pregnant she was hoping for a little girl. Unfortunately, it was not meant to be and she suffered a miscarriage early on in the pregnancy. She was very honest with her kids because she wanted them to know the truth and she wanted them to grieve over it if they felt the need to. She also wanted them to feel free to talk about it if they needed to.
@singod (25)
• China
28 Jun 07
I don't think it's a diffcult problem.Now that your daughter has been old enough to understand.So why don't tell her the truth?Maybe she will be sad and been hurt.But these will be abate as time goes on.And if you don't tell her or deceive her ,when she grow up and understand what has happened root and branch in the past.I think she will be hurt deeply and won't be cured.As for your next pregnancy,just don't worry about it.You has already a child.Maybe the miscarriages is a suddenness.Who knows?
• India
28 Jun 07
im just in college..im not sure about this.
• United States
28 Jun 07
Miscarriages are terrible thing and sadly I have experienced one...actually not me personally, but my sister had one. I have two young nieces from another sister (ages 3 and 5 at the time) and I think they were told that the baby in Aunt's tummy went up to heaven.
@castleghost (1304)
• United States
28 Jun 07
This past January my fiancee and I suffered through a miscarriage. My fiancee woke up that morning and knew that something was wrong. She called her doctor who told her to lie down and elevate her legs to see if the cramping would stop. As my fiancee laid there she explained to the children that her body was trying to reject the baby and that she might have to go to the hospital so that the doctor could help get the baby out before she got really sick. The children asked why was her body rejecting the baby and she explained that something was wrong with the baby so her body was trying to tell her. I think that being honest is the best way to handle the situation. Use simple words that the child understands.