Jealousy
By dreamertink
@dfollin (24172)
United States
June 29, 2007 7:25am CST
The other day a male friend from church and I were talking about jealousy.I told him that his wife,who only sometimes comes to church and usually that's only with events,doesn't like me and I didn't know why.I have tried to just make general chit chat with her and she basically pushes me away and this woman is friends with my mom.My friend,her husband and my late husband were friends,matter of fact he was a pall bearer at my husbands funeral,which was my choice,I asked him.His wife did not come to his funeral.My friend put it perfectly,he said that jealousy is a waste of time.Very true.Amen to that.When my husband was alive,we were not jealous of each other,we trusted each other.We go to a veryhuggy church.If I hugged my friend or someone else my husband did not care.He knew it was just a friendly hug,brotherly hug.And vise versa.I never thought anything of it if he hugged someone at church or we would run into someone he hadn't seen in a long time.Or if a woman called him at home.I knew it was probably a plumbing customer,co-worker a friend.In my opinion if you don't have trust then you don't have real love and the relationship of marriage or partnership will not work.What do you think?
5 people like this
13 responses
@Nykkee (2522)
• Canada
29 Jun 07
I agree that a lack of trust can ruin a relationship but I don't beleive that all jealousy is a lack of trust. My husband and I have a very close relationship and we love each other very much. We are both somewhat jealous people but not in a way that is mistrusting of each other, and I don't think it damages our realtinship at all. My husband gets jealous if he sees another man looking at me, I don't mind it's becuase he loves me, it's more of a possessive thing(which I totaly don't mind) than a lack of trust, also he worries because of the insane stuff you hear in the news. I get jealous of anyone who gets to spend time with him when I don't, it has nothing to do with lack of trust, it's just pure jealousy because I want to be with him and I'm not but they are. I often feel jealous of his co-workers becuase they are with him all day, and they are all men.
@dfollin (24172)
• United States
29 Jun 07
I have to agree that some,a little bit of jealousy is just showing that they care and keeps the spark in a relationship.I have been in other relationship where if I said the word "he" in the converstion my boyfriend got allmad and started yelling,who are you talking about your boyfriend? and yanked the phone from my hand.I was talking to my mom about the dog being sick and I said,"Is he alright?" And my boyfriend wouldn't believe me.
1 person likes this
@terri0824 (4991)
• United States
29 Jun 07
I belong to a same type church. Everyone hugs everyone without giving it a second thought. Sounds like she may have some insecurity issues. Jealousy isn't of God, it is of Satan's works.
@terri0824 (4991)
• United States
4 Jul 07
Sorry I am just replying. Just got in yesterday from Florida where I was on vacation for a week. The church I belong to is a nondenomination christian church.
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
29 Jun 07
"In my opinion if you don't have trust then you don't have real love and the relationship of marriage or partnership will not work.What do you think?"
I think for the most part thats true...but I also know that there can be a lack of trust and the marriage or relationship still be solid, loving and lasting..I knwo that is the case with my husband and I...I dont trust him fully (though i do more than I used to) and he knows I dont BUT he also knows why I dont and it has nothing to do with anything he's ever done....I think that since it is out in the open and we do talk about it etc tht makes all the difference in the world.....
Your friend was vry right though Jealousy IS a waste of time! I've never really understood it to be honest with you...
I also have to say that one being jealous like what I'm getting from your post isnt always a lack of trust...maybe the wife has low self esteem and its more of a fear of losing her man to someone better ya know...
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
29 Jun 07
"maybe the wife has low self esteem and its more of a fear of losing her man to someone better ya know"
let me clarify just so I'm understood LOL....the wife may not be jealous of you at all...she may however feel threatened becasue she feels she might now be worthy of her husband being faithful etc etc
*pfft* LOL did that make any more sense than what I originally said??? LOL I think I need another coffee
@dfollin (24172)
• United States
29 Jun 07
I agree Ravenladyj,if you don't have trust then you don't have real love.
And I thought she had a low self esteem because she was over weight.She lost alot of weight and looks real good and she still won't talk to me.We have never had a misunderstanding or anything.We have never had a complete conversation.Her husband has had been with her and faithful all these years even whe she was overweight.
@kumar27 (129)
• India
30 Jun 07
see, jealousy is the opposite to love.when some on e loves another jealosy runs simuteniously. it is a feeling that canbe overcome once u get introduced to it.
once you overcome jealosy you see even u find real love in mistrust or seemingly mistrust.
trusting or mistrusting,in my opinion, does not count love.
if i mistrust u that does not mean i will not love u.
mistrust may bring anger and anger may bring jealousy.
@dfollin (24172)
• United States
6 Jul 07
That's how I believe too,that jealousy is the opposite of love.
@dfollin (24172)
• United States
29 Jun 07
Thanks.That's very true,jealousy has caused many marriages to fail and many murders.
@jnallen_487 (800)
• United States
29 Jun 07
I agree! Jealousy is a very ugly thing. If you are jealous, it usually means there is something that you don't trust in your spouse and/or the other person. If you don't have trust in your relationship, you don't really have a relationship. Trust is as important as love!
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
29 Jun 07
I often have these kinds of issues myself. I have a hard time getting to the point where I am comfortable with physical contact with others, but once I get to that point I am very affectionate with my friends. Often people who saw this behavior have taken it the wrong way, and don't trust me with their partners because they think I am flirting or coming onto them when really I'm just expressing friendship.
Luckily my own husband completely understands my feelings and ways of expressing myself, and we haven't had problems over it. In fact, he usually laughs over it when people ask him if it makes him uncomfortable. He trusts me, I trust him, and that's all that matters to us. I feel kind of sorry for those people I know that are in relationships involving a lot of jealousy, though I do try to behave in ways that don't upset my friend's partners when possible now.
@dlkuku (1935)
• United States
30 Jun 07
From my experience, jealousy usually stems from low self esteem, it really sounds like her issue.
And the thing is, she herself is losing out, she not only is pushing her husband away by being like this, she is missing out on some wonderful friendships as well.
My husband talks to everyone and anyone, male or female, if I was the jealous type, I would end up going crazy.
I was once in a situation when I was separated from my first husband, I was attending a church that an ex boyfriend and his wife attended. At first is wife seemed to feel very threatened by me, but I just kept extending myself to her in a friendly, non threatening manner, and eventually she realized that I didn't have designs on her husband.
@aqua_chef27 (47)
• Philippines
29 Jun 07
hello dfollin :) jealousy is not healthy at all in all types of relationships whether be at siblingship,co-workers,mates,friendship etc.. Jealousy it feeds on our insecurity,devours our self-confidence,and gobbles up the trust in our relationship.It is an emotion resulting from the resentfully suspicious nature of man. It is a universal emotional trauma caused by things as well as people.May i suggest some steps in conquering jealousy, sometimes it depends how we allow our minds to feed us...assess yourself why i feel jealous,was it or is it worthy to feel jealous of..consider the weight of being jealous at...combien jealousy with more rational emotions, have patience and practice! Learn to control jealousy insteady jealousy is controlling us. In a relationship there is no place for suspicion and distrust, two elements upon which jealousy thrives and prospers...nice posting :)
@besoftandsweet (53)
• United States
29 Jun 07
I agree a little jealousy shows you care but alot means there are probably other issues like low self esteem depression or insecurities and in most cases will destroy any type of relationship. I have been with my husband 19 years and sometimes when we got out to a club some drunk women molests him to a point when he is singing karoake and I laugh its funny to me but I know who my husband is going home with every night.
@vicki2876 (5636)
• Canada
29 Jun 07
Sounds like she doesn't trust her husband at all. They probably don't have a closes relationship in the sense that they don't communicate their feelings with one another. He is very close to you and he can talk to you. She probably wishes that he would be like that with her. They sound like they need so therapy to address the issues in the marriage. I don't know if it because they don't have real love or something else causing this. Maybe she has been cheated on by someone else, maybe they had to put other things ahead of the relationship like work kids. I think most people who get marriaged do believe they love each other and want "forever" but it takes more than love to make a marriage work. I wish them the best of luck and hope you all can one day be friends.
@dfollin (24172)
• United States
29 Jun 07
They have been married for years.I have only known them for about four or five years.They have one teenage daughter and an adult son.She is not that way with just me,she show's jealousy to anyone he talks to,except her friends.We have never really had a full conversation and I don't know anyone she does except mymom,her husband and kids.My daughter used to come visit her daughter sometimes when we lived down the street and she did not have a problem with that.I don't understand why she doesn't like me,she doesn't know me.At first I thought that her being overweight might be her insecurity with her husband and she just didn't like anyone thinner that talked to her husband.But,she has lost weight,looks real good.Matter of fact,I hadn't seen her in a long time and she came to a church event and a female friend of mine asked me if that was her? She didn't recognize her,neither did I.I ried to talk with her again and she blew me off again.As my friend said when I mentioned that I did not understand why she did not like me.He said,"Well,who's problems that?Not yours." And I said yes,but I still want her to like me.You are my friend and my husband's friend,I would like her to like me and I want to understand what I did for her not to like me.And he said,"Again,who's problem is it?" Thanks.
@rupee1 (38)
• Pakistan
30 Jun 07
Quite true, That love is almost all about trust, but sometimes even distrust exists in love.. not distrust really but its kinda doubt,!
love breeds possessiveness, if someone is possessive about you it means he or she gives a value to you, is afraid of losing you, does not want to give you away to someone else coz you are precious to him or her and ultimately this feeling results in jelousy
Its quite natural, a built in feature of human nature, more we like something in our possession more we feel insecure of losing it, the civilazed polishing of our personality can help hide this feeling, but we can never get rif of it, everyone of us has felt jelousy at different moments in lifge... some of us were able to hide it and give the right and normal projections but not all, and i believe that the wife of your friend belongs to the ones who cant hide their feelings
