Keep him or leave him?

United States
June 30, 2007 8:35pm CST
I'm involved in a relationship where the guy does not seem to care at all about my feelings. He says he loves me and cares for me, but when he gets in a foul mood, he quickly switches up his so-called "feelings" for me. I love him but he can be a real jerk sometimes. I try to be understanding and patient since he's in a really difficult position right now (unemployed and broke), but he demands so much from me. I feel like he really does not care for me at all, but if you look at his family and past, you really cannot blame him for his perspective in life.
3 people like this
3 responses
@barehugs (8985)
• Canada
26 Jan 08
This guy is a leaver, not a keeper. Men who demonstrate foul moods and switch feelings at the drop of a hat, never get better, they just get worse. Lets face it hes a jerk most of the time, which might be why hes Unemployed and Broke. My feeling is like yours, he really doesn't care for you at all. Give yourself a Break! Dump this guy like a Hot Potato, before you get burned!
@dramaqn (1990)
• United States
26 Jan 08
This I can relate to. Yes, you definitely have to understand where he is coming from. Alot of things that make us who we are has a lot to do with what we went through in our earlier years. My fiance and I are truly in love, even though our wedding has been post poned a few times, we know that we love eachother and want to be married. However, I don't want him to until he is completely ready. I've been very understanding due to knowing what he has been through in his life, and needs to express that and fight those issues. If you truly love him, and you know that he truly loves you, it can work. As long as he is not abusive everything should be fine. But know that you can't rush him or change him, this will only push him away. My fiance can be a jerk sometimes as well, but I understand where he is coming from, that's what love is, being able to see where the other is coming from and understanding why they are the way they are. My fiance has some minor issues with how he was raised (raised Jehovah's Witness) and not being able to participate in sports or other fun activities as his peers in school. He also didn't and still doesn't agree with how things were ran in his childhood home. Not to mention he is a middle child. Also, he married a girl from high school (dated 5yrs, married 10yrs). Therefore he feels that he missed out on many things in life. These issues bothered him so much that he closed not one, but two of his businesses. He felt he was missing something by having never worked for someone other than family or himself. When he married the first time he knew he didn't want children because he wanted to experience many things in life, but to appease his wife had two children. As you see, not much was discussed before that marriage took place. He loves his children and mine also, but he just felt he wasn't ready when he had his. He wanted to experience being young and only responsible for himself, his wife, and his businesses. He has many regrets because he let himself get tied down without thinking it through, and now he has found someone who truly loves him and wants him to be him (me). He never got to date much before the first wife, and only 2 after the divorce. And without even looking, poof, there I was in his life. One thing that has truly helped us is that we make sure we communicate, and I am intuned to him so that he knows I'm there for him and truly love him and will always stand by his side, even if he just wants to be a pizza delivery guy. You most definitely have to talk to him and get through this. Make it better, not worse.
• United States
1 Jul 07
No one can make that choice for you. All I can say is if he is being verbally abusive it can easily turn into physical abuse. Remember you can never change anyone they have to choose to change. Sometimes people really don't want to change.