R.S.V.P. Regrets Only
By Modestah
@Modestah (11177)
United States
July 1, 2007 11:56pm CST
Have you seen the new trend of invitations that instructs you to reply only with regrets? meaning, if you plan on attending, do not respond, if you can not make it, respond.
What do you think of it?
It is rude, in my opinion. One should not be put on the spot to explain why they will not attend a function.
An RSVP is to confirm your intentions to attend, if you desire to send regrets that should be a personal decision and not a forced 'consideration'.
Just like it is the duty to prove a positive, not a negative - it is the duty to respond in the positive (your attendance) and not the negative (your regrets)
phooey! what if you do not regret that you will not be attending!!!! are you then expected to lie by sending in a commentary stating you regret it?
5 people like this
14 responses
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
2 Jul 07
I think that's a big load of horse manure. If I put out a R.S.V.P. it is to know how many people will be attending not to find out why you can't. Actually, the term is a translation of a French term and means "please respond, or respond if you please" It is in no way an obligation. I think that is one reason I abhor parties. people "assume" you will attend, they "assume" you will R.S.V.P., they "assume" you will bring a gift. I cannot afford all the parties out there. Graduation parties with presents for the grads, wedding gifts, anniversary gifts, housewarming gifts, birthday gifts, heck even "host/hostess" gifts you bring just for being invited to the stinking party...lol.
2 people like this
@ssh123 (31071)
• India
2 Jul 07
This RSVP - meaning reply if you please is not a new trend in invitation complimentary ending. Traditionaly, all those who organize meets, functions, parties regularly used to put and in western countries, people would immediately react (reply) to RSVP, so that the hosts is fully aware of numher of people attending the party. It also helps to organize food for good approximate number of people. I organized many parties as a coordinator in India. Hardly a few inform if they cannot. Thos would could not make it, never informs. That is why it has lost its significance.
2 people like this
@freak369 (5112)
• United States
2 Jul 07
I think a lot of people started doing to because they assume everyone that is invited is going to attend. To me that is pretty snooty. What happens if you don't get an invitation in the mail, or it is lost or delayed? Then you have someone calling you three days after the event to ask you why you didn't show up. I would rather have people RSVP that they are coming and with the number of guests than to have them call and go through all the drama of why they can't be there.
2 people like this
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
2 Jul 07
I've never gotten anything like this but agree with you - rude. I think if I did get something like this I would be tempted to not respond at all or respond and tell them the truth why I wasn't attending - because they are rude!
@byfaithonly (10698)
• United States
2 Jul 07
This is really annoying me - I had another thought after I posted the first of this...
Not only rude but I think this is laziness and coning people... #1 they are going to get fewer 'regrets' more than likely so fewer to keep track of. #2 Con if people think they are going to have to give a reason for NOT going they may be more inclined to go... NOT ME.
1 person likes this
@creematee (2810)
• United States
2 Jul 07
What if I forget to send my regrets? Then the person thinks I'm coming, and when I don't show? They paid for me, they expected me, counted on my company. Like you, I hate that idea.
I try to send RSVP either way. Especially when my place is counted and paid for. i.e. a wedding for example. My children always call the host to let them know they can or can't attend a classmates party. I think it's appropriate to be able to explain WHY you can't, but that's a choice and not a necessity.
Besides, isn't it easier to count the "yesses" and feel better about the number coming?
1 person likes this
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
2 Jul 07
those are right up there with the "if you can't come,send the present to:" invitations.i'd gotten one of those for a baby shower for people i barely knew.i thought it was stunningly rude.
1 person likes this
@Modestah (11177)
• United States
2 Jul 07
*gulp* send presents to....!!!
How persumptious and horribly rude, I think if I received an invitation like that I would definately not be attending - and even if I were not previously going to send a gift I may find myself inclined to send a gift consisting of a book on etiquette, manners and social graces....with some strategic hilighting involved.
1 person likes this
@scarlet_woman (23463)
• United States
2 Jul 07
oh yea,she had some couth,huh? :)
i wish i'd thought of the book..but then,i have a second chance.she does this every time she's had a child and she's on #5 right now..
@smacksman (6053)
•
2 Jul 07
How very odd.
Surely you reply always. It is simply good manners.
And if you have to decline then you don't have to say why, though you may want to.
If you are having a party you want to know who is coming and how many places to set at table.
If you receive no reply at all then that is not only taken as a refusal but as an indication that they are so rude that no more invitations are sent in the future.
@ctv101103 (859)
• Philippines
3 Jul 07
I've always thought that an RSVP means that the invitee is asked to respond whether he is coming or not. I have never seen a 'regrets only' rsvp but I think it is rude and just plain laziness on the part of the person sending the invitation.
Another thing that I find inappropriate is putting "we would appreciate monetary gifts" in the invitation.
@mari61960 (4893)
• United States
3 Jul 07
I don't know why people would want to do it that way. If you need to know who or how many people are coming you certainly shouldn't do it with regrets only. What about all the people that can't be bothered to tell you they aren't coming? I would rather have people respond that are coming...those that don't respond...probably won't show...
I haven't recieved one like that yet, but if I do I know I will call the person and tell them how stupid I think it is....lol
@KrisNY (7590)
• United States
2 Jul 07
I usually don't respond to those types- I think it is odd- Just expect me to be there- I'm not calling to say I'm not calling- Just like you said on the spot-Ummm I can't make it because I don't want to! lol..
I usually just go if I can and don't if I can't.
@cefaz_21 (2596)
• Philippines
3 Jul 07
I have seen this here also but unfortunately whether a plain RSVP or RSVP with "regrets only" doesn't work in this country that much. I experienced it many times and the worst was the last wedding I did organize, the invites said RSVP and has my name on it but no one called and I ended up calling all the guests a week before the wedding..:(
@ctv101103 (859)
• Philippines
3 Jul 07
i know what you mean, cefaz. it didn't work for our wedding as well. i don't think people in our country understand the concept of an rsvp.
imagine, we were expecting 450 guests for our wedding 4 yrs ago and only a handful actually sent their rsvp's. we really had a hard time making the seat plan for the reception. we had to call each invited guest to ask if they were attending or not. and then, on the wedding day itself, there were some people who showed up but never sent their rsvp or who even said they were not attending!
@raychill (6525)
• United States
2 Jul 07
I see both the good and the bad. It's kind of nice to know that you don't have to hear from all of the people coming and only hopefully have to hear from a few who can not make it. I don't think you should have to tell them the entire reason you can't go, just call and respectfully say you can not attend. I know many times I've had people RSVP only to end up not showing up and that's disheartening. As well I've had people NOT RSVP and end up showing up to have more than you were expecting.
I sort of think it'd be nice to only hear that a few aren't coming than to hear from everyone who is coming.
