Do You Hold A Grudge Or Do You Forgive Easily?

You are so right. It takes a lot less energy to let go and forgive than it does to hold a grudge. Immature people don't realize this. They can hold on to the evil in their hearts for years and years.

Forgiveness does not mean letting that person off the hook. When you forgive it is better for your health. You can not allow bitterness to take root. If it does it will cause all kinds of ugly side effects. You don't have to reconcile with him just yet. Start by forgiving him in your heart. Make a list of all of the things that he has done to hurt you. Allow yourself to get mad and cry and do whatever you need to do. Then go back through the list and as you read it, you can purposely decide to forgive. Then, later on when the things come back to your mind, simply say, I have already forgiven that and go on. Don't let it hang you up.

I know you're right and that time heals all wounds. My history with my dad is long and painful and I'm usually okay until he comes back into ours lives and his target is now my sister. He is really the only person in my life that I let consume with mind with negative thoughts. I need to do better, but it's so hard.

Yes, it does take a lot to forget. But it is very important to forgive and forget for our own sakes. Like you said, unforgiveness is like a poison that eats you up on the inside. You have to release it and let it go.

The Bible says to love your enemies.

Forgiveness is a choice, just like love is. Some people are hard to love and some are hard to forgive. But we must do it, not for their sakes, but for ours. When you don't forgive, you are doing way more harm to yourself than them. They may miss you, but eventually they will heal and go on with their lives and you will still have the poison of forgiveness eating at you. You may think that you are punishing them, but you are only punishing youself.

You can decide to forgive right away. The only reason I wait a day is to give the other person a fair chance. The longer you wait, the longer the anger festers and the more reasons you find not to forgive.

Oh no, you can't mean that. God forgives everyone, so we have to do the same. If you don't forgive, God will not forgive you. None of us are worthy of God's forgiveness. It is only through the blood of Jesus Christ that any of us can come to God and humbly ask for forgiveness.

The memories will never leave your mind. That is not the type of forgeting that is needed or even possible. Forgeting in this case means that even though you know what as happened, you are choosing not to dwell on it. You are loving that person as if it never happened. If you learn this principle you will live a happier and heathier life. My best friend and I fight, but then when we forgive each other and were having a really good time, I think to myself, look at what we would have missed had we chosen not to forgive each other.

I guess i can forgive but it's really hard for me to forget someone done something to hurt me. i wll always hold it in the back of my mind.

What good does it do to wait at all. Forgiveness is a choice. You can choose to forgive a person right away. When you really care about some one, you want to get the relationship back in harmony as soon as possible.

To hate someone is very strong. Are you sure she has done enough to deserve hate? From the way you describe her, she does not sound like a very happy person. When you are truly happy, you want to spread it around, when you are miserable you want to make everyone around you miserable too. Just because she has a lot of material things, does not mean she has a lot of love. Her dad could be away a lot, abusing her, or even molesting her and using gifts to make up for it. I am not saying that this is true, but you never know what's really going on in someone's life. If I were you, I would just smile at her and walk away when she says those things. This is a good way to get back at her. She will not feel the satisfaction of getting to you. You might even make a good friend, that is if you can learn to love someone that you once hated.

What you are saying just proves my point. Why would anybody embarrass themselves by being loud and anooying. Think about it, we live in a civilized world. Now, either she is herself retarded or she is desperate for attention that she is not getting at home. In fact, She probably feels retarded herself, and that is why she is calling you that. Usually we project the feelings that we have for ourselves on to others. You have to forgive her. Let me explain to you why. God forgives her and if God forgives her who are you not to forgive her? Are you better than God? Do you know something about her that God does not know?

You sound like a very kind person! i don't think i will every be friends wither, there is no need to be friends with that kind of person anyways, there is no harm for me not taking her as a friend! Yes HATE is a strong word, and i am pretty sure she deserve it. Actually i forgot to say one thing, she is as loud as a speaker on full, i am serious, she is so annoying as well.... I dont think i can ever "love a person i once hated" because that is really hard, just like Jesus says, "Love your enemies" which i find impossible to do

Forgiving is a choice, just like love is. The Bibles says if we want to be forgiven, we must forgive our enemies. To choose not to forgive someone is to judge them as not being worthy of forgiveness. This is not a decission for us to make. Only God knows what is really going on in a person's heart.

People tell me all the time that I think too much. It's not so bad to think a lot, but what are you filling your head with. You have to decide that you want to be a forgiving person. Forgetting does not mean that the memory disappears, it just means that you are loving that person as if it never happened.

When you hold a grudge you are only hurting yourself. That person goes on living and you have the poison of unforgiveness eating at your heart.

Forgive for yourself, not for them. Yes, the memory will still be there, but you can choose not to dwell on it. If you don't forgive, you are deciding that they do not deserve to be forgiven. Yet, we want God to forgive us. If he forgave you the way that you forgive others, how would you be doing? What if the same God that gives you every breath would forgive the way you do. You would not last a second without God. It is okay to forgive those who have wronged us.

Would you only want to be forgiven three times? What about by your children or your spouse, should they give up after three tries. What about God, should he zap you away after you have done something three times?

You benefit from forgiving another more than they do. You are punishing yourself and they are going on with their lives.