No divorce for me at this time, but who knows what the future holds.......

@vokey9472 (1488)
United States
July 3, 2007 7:07pm CST
For those of you that are up to date with what is going on with my marriage, we have decided at this time to put talks of divorce on hold. We are going to try therapy and medication. Sorry, if I sound a bit bitter, but I seriously think my husband's sudden change of mind is a ploy to lull me into a false sense of hope. He has agreed to see a doctor about depression meds (happier living through chemicals!!) and to go to couples therapy. But, my dear husband, has made certain limitaions to who we can see for couple's therapy. The therapist MUST be a man. Hubby thinks a woman would be biased towards my side of things. It CANNOT be through the church. Hubby thinks a church based therapist would try to throw Christian morals and values into the mix and try to force us to stay together even if that is not best. I think my husband is playing games but who knows. Also, my husband wants us to draw up a contract of sorts that lists out how we would divide our assets (as if we actually had any) should things get ugly. I told him that was easy, everything in our house was either brought to the marriage by me or bought with my money before we got married, therefor it was mine. THe only things that he actually owns are the computers, the couch, the tv and the maple dresser. He was royally upset when I pointed all that out. So, he tried to tell me that we would have to sell the car. I pointed out that the car is in my name and was a gift to me from my uncle. Therefor, again, it is mine. He has no legal claim to it. So, then he presents me with a "rough draft custody agreement" that he came up with. It was so funny that I actually laughed out loud and upset him even more. He wanted me to have full custody of our son, provided that I promised never to remarry. If I remarried, I would have to give full custody back to him. In exchange for giving me full custody, he would put $100 a month into a savings account for our son. It was all too funny. I torn it up and told him stuff it. He was not pleased by my reaction. He has gone to play some stupid little game with some friends of his and I am about to go out for drinks with the girls. He is not happy that I am going out, but I told him "what is good for the gander, is good for the goose". He stomped out of the house and then threw a fit when he saw that I had put one of those Club devices on the steering wheel of the car. I very calmly told him it was my car and I just didn't feel comfortable letting anyone else drive it. His friends came and got him. I know it seems like I am being very childish, but he wants to play this out in this manner and I am just playing along. It is almost comical how civil we are being to one another. We haven't yelled at each all day. We have said some nasty things but always in very polite voices. We have our first therapy session on Friday. Oh, and I am going to the doctor too. I think I have a raging case of PMS and I need some serious meds to control it.
2 people like this
2 responses
• United States
4 Jul 07
Don't be mad at me, but I think you two just need to separate for awhile and get to the point that you want to be together again, you can continue to go through therapy but for the sake of everyone that has to live around it I think it would healthier if you were to live it separately, perhaps give you a freshier perspective on your relationship. Good Luck!
2 people like this
@vokey9472 (1488)
• United States
4 Jul 07
I am not mad. I actually suggested to him today that maybe a little time apart would help us out. I even offered to help him pack. He didn't like that idea one bit. Said if I wanted some time apart I was welcome to leave. All it took was one little look-see at our lease for him to realize that I am the one the house is rented to and he is just an occupant. See, that is what happens when you refuse to take part in anything. The one filling out all the paperwork is the one who ends up in control of everything. Needless to say, I am not going anywhere. He is so mad about the whole lease thing. I wonder if I should tell him that the bank has me as the primary account holder and him as the authorized user. He really should have gone with me to the bank the day we opened the account, but he wanted to play video games instead. Oh well. Yeah, I know, I am being mean spirited and catty. But you know what, he shouldn't have pushed this Texas gal so freaking hard. My California boy is about to get a serious Texas style a$$ whuppin'. You don't mess with Texas.
2 people like this
• United States
4 Jul 07
Oh, you don't need to tell me girlfriend, I have been married and divorced 3 times already and I have over 20 years legal experience, so I am well versed in the the laws of divorce. It is a good thing you have everything in your name, when and if the time comes, it will make it easier for you, just that I hate to see two people who obviously have alot of issues going on fighting it out, when you two could separate, and perhaps work on them from a different perspective, but I know what you mean, sometimes men are just to stubborn for their own good. Although I would suggest to the therapist that it is hard living under the same roof with his attitude, perhaps she can convince him to leave and let matters move in a direction that is better than where it is going now!
2 people like this
• United States
4 Jul 07
I would watch our for hubby.I agree with you.sounds like he is up to something. I really do hope the therapy works. keep us informed .
1 person likes this
@vokey9472 (1488)
• United States
4 Jul 07
Thanks. I hope it works out too. I keep trying to remember why I married him in the first place. You know, the things that made me fall in love with him. The problem is that all those things seem to have disappeared. I realized today that my problem is rage. I am so angry at him for so many things that have happened over the last four years or so. I think I just got too full of spite and anger and it just came out and now I cannot seem to get it back under control. Maybe it is better that I let it out and we face these issues and try to resolve them. We have spent too much time pretending that there is nothing wrong in our relationship and well, quite frankly, I have had enough of that. Of course for the sake of those around us, we have put on our "public faces". We are havign a frito pie party for the 4th and well, we will be polite and civil and act all loving while our guests are here. We always use what my mother used to call "public manners" when others are around. One of the reasons I love mylot is that I can let down that "public face" and vent and ask my online friends for advice.
3 people like this
• United States
7 Jul 07
maybe now that things are coming to ahead and you are able to vent,things will work out. I love the fact that we can vent on mylot.makes me feel better when i do as i am sure so does the other mylotters
1 person likes this