How do you help someone who is afraid of making new friends?

@kgwat70 (13392)
United States
July 4, 2007 9:26pm CST
I have a friend who seems to be scared of going out and making new friends. He just graduated from college so I would have thought he would have made some new friends that way but he has not and seems to only want to be friends with me and a couple of other people we went to high school with. He doesn't even mention about trying to find a girlfriend. Is there any way of helping them to find new friends? He won't go online and make friends either. Do you think it is important for a person to have more friends than just a few people you went to school with? I am worried because his mom is not going to be around forever and he relies on her for everything.
5 people like this
17 responses
• United States
5 Jul 07
to tell you the truth, I can relate your friends,i really don't like to make new friends.they either die on me or stab me in the back or desert me. I stay with what I have.Once in awhile i do make exceptions.The thing that concerns me is his reliance on his mother. He needs to stand on his own two feet for when his mother goes. Have you tried talking to him about it?
2 people like this
• Philippines
5 Jul 07
Just get him along with you whenever you go out or whenever you are with your other friends. This things are learned through associating or getting acquianted with other people. Convince him that "no man is an island"...we, homosapients are social animal....so, go out have some fun, life is short, you've got to make the most of it..just don't go astray, don't over react.
2 people like this
@villageanne (8554)
• United States
5 Jul 07
It can be difficult for some people to make friends. They are scared for various reasons. Maybe you could get him involved in a church. That is usully a great place to make friends and get over being shy. Even if he dont find friends there, he will get to know people who know others in his age range.
1 person likes this
@kgwat70 (13392)
• United States
5 Jul 07
I have had difficulty in the past with making new friends and still do at times but am not as shy as I used to be and I get out in public. He does go to church with his mom.
@seksiconnie (1173)
• Philippines
6 Jul 07
i was one those who are afraid before...the first thing i can suggest is to be yourself..i always think that in my first approach they wont like me..but you'll never know unless you try... :) good day
1 person likes this
• India
6 Jul 07
hey man..how u doin...it all depends on MR.X & only himself .. u can't do much ... at best you can mix him those people that are very down to earth....basically with people he can relax & open out to ...some people ..when they see people around them with so much complexities ..people who are always jumpin around , always on the move kinda people ..then guys like MR.X kinda tend to feel inferior ... though they are not they are just different people who like to live simple...eventually the tend to live by themselves not wanting to move around in all the hustle....or maybe i am wrong & he just doesn't wanna make new friends coz he freakin doesn't like anyone...maybe..maybe not. WHAT I AM SAYING IS NOT YOU,NOT ME,NOR ANY 1 OVER HERE CAN DECIDE WHAT TO DO ABOUT THAT GUY OR NE GUY.ITS FOR THE PERSON TO CHOOSE HIS DESTINY.YOU CAN JUST GUIDE. CAUSE NOBODY CAN COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND ANY ONE ELSE...ITS JUST THE GUY HIMSELF WHO KNOWS HIMSELF COMPLETELY & KNOWS WHAT HE WANTS.
• United States
6 Jul 07
I am shy myself..and so I am not very good for telling someone how to start doing something they are not use to..I wish I could say things I feel ..so I look forward to seeing the answers here;)_+
@golfproo (1841)
• Canada
5 Jul 07
I have the exact same problem. Shyness is definately a curse. The only way to beat it is to make yourself go out and meet people and do things that you are generally uncomfortable doing. You can be there for your friend by pushing him to do this. Eventually he will like it...because all us shy guys always like it when we finally go out...we always wonder now why did I not want to do that??? cheers,
1 person likes this
• United States
5 Jul 07
I think that the best way to help him make new friends is to help him overcome his shyness. Encourage him to take a drama, speech communications or public speaking class. This will help him become more comfortable talking in front of an audience. You can also try to introduce him to a few of your friends, one at a time. Once he meets several of them, invite them to all get together with you and him. This should help him become more cmfortable in group situations.
@Lydia1901 (16353)
• United States
5 Jul 07
It sounds like your friend is s a very shy person. It is hard to make those people make friends. So, you'll have to ease him in on it. Set up a blind date for him or something and hang out with some new people, maye he'll catch up and make friends with them somehow.
1 person likes this
• Netherlands
5 Jul 07
my friend had the same problem me and my friends got too his house with few other people and i intreduced them too each other and bwam! he got new friends!
1 person likes this
5 Jul 07
I've always thought if I had friends who I could be around and go drinking and do other activities like watching sport events/bowling or just having a laugh I wouldn't find it that much of an issue. Problem is this is slow process and wouldn't be able to be solved by doing it, would take take time which is something I do give. ^ avoid those it should snap him out of it buddy, ~Joey
1 person likes this
@ofn2007 (121)
• Greece
5 Jul 07
Hi kgwat70, I want to say some thing here,you friend is lucky to got such good friend like you. try to invite him to small party in your place with out telling him there people waiting for him. I think this issue takes time,you should doing this step by step.
1 person likes this
@archer1811 (1098)
• Philippines
5 Jul 07
It's really great to have more friends, maybe he is not yet ready to have friends outside his school, dont so worry sooner he will learn to get together with other people too.
1 person likes this
@brokentia (10394)
• United States
5 Jul 07
I worry about this from time to time with my son. He doesn't seem to have very many friends and doesn't have any interest in making any. But some people are like that. They do not care to have that many friends. I guess it is also nice to have a few really good friends instead of a lot of barely close friends. Sorta saying that quality is better than quantity. And I am sure when the times comes, he will move on when his mother does and find another friend or two. But until then, are you willing to be one of his few high quality friends?
1 person likes this
@Polly1 (12646)
• United States
5 Jul 07
Everyone grows up and does things at different paces. Maybe he isn't ready to venture outside his circle of friends. You didn't say how old he was. Maybe he is afraid of girls, hehe, we can be scary creatures. Have you been able to get him to join mylot, all your friends here will give him a warm welcome. Some people have lots of friends and some only have a few friends.
1 person likes this
@zipman191 (381)
• Israel
5 Jul 07
i have a similer problem but i dont afraid to make new firends i just dont enjoy to go out with strangers its just less intresting and it can be even boring
1 person likes this
• Malaysia
5 Jul 07
Hmm... I am getting worried too a little after reading your story. I guess I am the type of person who is shy and difficult to find new friends. However, I have tips for your friend to follow but he must be brave to make the first step. If not, he would need your assistance. Whenever I am in a new place, for example new school or new college, etc., the first day being there I would put my best attitude forward. Even if I feel shy, I would push away all the negative thoughts and be a little forward to people. What I mean is try initiating talk to someone that you feel you are comfortable with. If it doesn't work, don't give up and try the same approach with another person. Try to be as friendly as you can, and don't start any arguments in the first day even if you don't agree with anything. Later your friend will find that many people actually likes him and then he can begin choosing with whom he is the most comfortable to be with. If he can't start the first move, I suggest that you be with him on the first day or you can accompany him by the phone or something. This may sound childish but to some people this method really helps them to overcome shyness or even fear of socializing. Good luck to your friend, and good luck to you in helping him.