Would you leave your mother in the Foster Home?

Malaysia
July 7, 2007 8:31pm CST
Nowadays there are many issues arised about sending parents to the foster house. There are arguments that parents shouldn't be sent there. Children who send their parents to foster homes are considered to be lack of love and being selfish. However with today's cost of living, many people couldn't afford to take care of their own parents. They have to go out to earn for a living and nobody could stay at home to take care of the parents. So what do you think about this? Should we or shouldn't we send parents to foster homes?
7 people like this
21 responses
@lilaclady (28226)
• Australia
8 Jul 07
I used to think this way when I was very young, I was a shy kid and my parents were the only ones I ever could really come out to, but from one who would have never have thought to that I had to as my Mother had Alzheimers in which she not being herself made life very difficult for people I think she may have taken a few years off my father who tried to care for her but she wore him down, when I took over she pushed me to breaking point, sometimes it is kinder to have them stay in place where they are trained to care for them, they know how to treat them, I still treated my mother as a mum and oldrer people even with alzheimers are very clever in getting their way, trained people know how to work around their thinking, now I am not saying you put them in a Nursing Home and forget about them, it is possible to find them a nice place to stay with trained people and I used to visit and sit with my mother nearly every day but I was also able to continue with my life as I had to work and knowing my mother was being cared for, sometimes when people who have not gone through this sort of thing and say things make me feel like I failed my mother but I know I could not have given her the care she got and the expertise she needed at home with me. So I say to the people who have elderly parents I feel so long as you do your best for as long as you yourself can do but know the cut off point, find a place but don't accept anyplace you yourself would not consider living if it was you in their position, and visit them as much as you can. But please never judge anyone that feels that need to do this as I know it was not an easy thing to do.
@mrsbrian (1950)
• United States
8 Jul 07
I comend you for doing the right thing, I worked in a nursing home for 15 years and I know the burden it has on a family to try to care for them at home.Dont let anyone make you feel bad about placeing your mother in a nursing home, she was safe there and tended to 24/7 thats something people whom have never had to do it have no idea about , how hard it is.
4 people like this
@lilaclady (28226)
• Australia
8 Jul 07
Thank you, I think it is something that some people will just not understand until they are in that position, Life is not a fairytale. I would have given anything to care for my mother but not everyone is strong enough to cope with certain things, thank you for your understanding.
3 people like this
• Malaysia
8 Jul 07
Thanks for the advice. I would truly keep it in my heart as a remembrance. When the time comes, it will help me in making the best decision for my parents.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
9 Jul 07
i'm a stay at home mom so in my case there's no reason for my mother to stay in a foster home for the aged. i can take care of her. also if she's ever gonna need of professional help in case she gets really sick (hope not) then i would hire her a personal nurse but, i would always be by her side.
• Malaysia
9 Jul 07
yes, I am going to do that too. My mother's love to me is mostly undeniable. She has helped me a lot. So when the time comes, I should give her back my love. Lots of love for you too, sevnthjuly. Have a nice day!
2 people like this
@jaichen (142)
• Philippines
9 Jul 07
no, it is not right to send parents to foster homes.. whatever the cost maybe.. they are still your parents.. and no matter how people try to justify themselves.. cost of living.. crisis and whatever.. they are still obliged to take care of them
3 people like this
• Malaysia
9 Jul 07
Love comes with responsibility.
2 people like this
• China
8 Jul 07
for me ,i think we shouldn't send our parents there, anyway,i won't. because i think nobody can look after them better than we children,and also,we have the responsability to take good care of them,it is our duty. i will do my best to make my parents live better.i don';t want to them to go to the foster house. that is my opinion ,thank you for asking,my friend.
3 people like this
• Malaysia
8 Jul 07
welcome!
1 person likes this
@lexus54 (3575)
• Singapore
8 Jul 07
My mother now stays with my elder brother. My brother and I both feel that my mother does not belong to a foster home. It is a place my mother will never feel comfortable with. As long as we are able financially to take care of my mother, we will do so. Even if we are busy with work or other commitments, we can always hire a maid to look after her. It is our way of giving back to her for all the years she toiled to raise us up. I know in her heart, she will appreciate us for this.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
9 Jul 07
Mom, I love you! Please God give me the opportunity to take care of my mother. I want to take this responsibility when the time comes. Best of luck to you, my friend. You are lovely people, with heart full of care and affection. Nice knowing you as a friend.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
9 Jul 07
Yes friend. I'm making a declaration to myself :) Thanks for replying.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Jul 07
if someone is capable of taking care of them ,why should they be in a foster home, our parents took care of us when we are little, though some may say its not our obligation, but for the love of my parents, i will take care of my mother, or my in laws, i'm stay at home mom, i have all the time in the world to take care of them.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
8 Jul 07
That's why we have our own role in this world. God made you as a home maker so that you will be able to take care of your parents.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
8 Jul 07
obligation or not, i think this is basic humanity for us to take care of our parents regardless of what.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
9 Jul 07
You're right!
1 person likes this
• United States
8 Jul 07
Children are too quick to throw their parents in a nursing home. It's not bad enough to put them in there ,but a lot of times,they stick them in a nursing home and forget they even exist. I have heard excuses that it's too expensive,they don't have the time or they don't have the room.That doesn't cut it with me.Parents raised their children regardless of how expensive it was,how much of their time it took up,or how small a house they had.They sacrificed so much but when it's the parents turn be taken care of ,too many children put their parents in a nursing home because it's inconvenient for them to take care of them.Parents shouldn't be placed in a home unless it's absolutely necessary
• Malaysia
9 Jul 07
Some even blamed their parents for sending them to nurseries when they are small. It's like paying back. What do you think? I think this is too much.
2 people like this
• United States
9 Jul 07
It is too much.There is a big difference in sending a child to nursery school and sticking a parent in a nursing home. With a nursery school,it's not permanent.They get dropped off in the morning and picked up in the afternoon and then it's mot everyday. With nursing homes,it is permanent and the kids are having a good chance of the parent being abused there. I will never believe a parent should be put in a nursing home unless absolutely necessary.I took care of my mom for years and now my dad,and i don't mind.It was a lot better than the alternative
1 person likes this
@mamasan34 (6520)
• United States
8 Jul 07
I don't think that I would leave my mother or father in a nursing home. If at all possible I would hire a home health aide to help them with their needs while I am gone. I plan to have them live with me when they are unable to care for themselves. I think that it would be the best way to honor my parents for taking care of me when I was young and even now they still try to care for me as an adult. I love my parents and to leave them in a nursing home doesn't seem respectful to me.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
9 Jul 07
I hope I can do that too. When things really come into realization, only then we are tested whether we can do what we say. Hope for the best, though. Thanks for the reply.
2 people like this
@mamasan34 (6520)
• United States
10 Jul 07
Yes it is very difficult to live up to those words. I hope and pray that my parents will not have to deal with that type of situation. My husband and I discuss this often and we do have a plan but my parents are very independent and don't want to lose that. So we have a fight on our hands! hahaha!
• India
9 Jul 07
We should not send our parents to old age care homes. There is no big sin than this we do in our life. If our parents think that we need to earn and we will not raise family we will not be there now, They have been loyal and hardworking to keep up our expectations, they have brought up us well, and now we think that no one to take care and all needs to work for earning etc. If all go out, accomodate a person who can take care of your parents at home in your absence, pay him/her why sending parents out of our home? No excuses is accepted. They are our living gods. We need to take care of them at any cost.
• Malaysia
9 Jul 07
Cost can be found. Love is something so valuable. Love from a mother is like a precious treasure. Cherish love always.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
8 Jul 07
what the things we can compared to parent? nothing.. we shouldn't send them to foster because if we send them to there how can we reply their care about us, their love to us.. if money and time is the reason.. we must remember that we all gonna die.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
9 Jul 07
Time and money can never replace the love of our parents.
1 person likes this
@orbeltadz (506)
• Baguio, Philippines
8 Jul 07
No,I loved my mom so much. She spends a lot of money to me to be well-educated. By the time, after I finished my studies and landed a job. I would buy her a house and hired a caregaver to help her out.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
8 Jul 07
I love my mom too. Miss her so much.
1 person likes this
• Singapore
8 Jul 07
Never. I love my parents and I'm rather traditional in this sense. Cost of living aside, there is always an arrangement you can make to do that.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
8 Jul 07
Proud of you. Your mother will be proud of you too. Have faith, and God will help you on the way. Thanks for contributing!
1 person likes this
@Mewpink (52)
• Italy
8 Jul 07
I think parents who can't look after themselves should, in most cases, be sent to a foster home. Their children often lack both money and time to care for them, so they'd be better off in a place created to look after old people. It may look like their sons and daughters don't care for them, but that's not really the case.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
8 Jul 07
This is done when there is no other solutions. I understand your situation.
1 person likes this
@tere77 (51)
8 Jul 07
For me we wouldn't send our mother or any of our parents to a foster home. I think we owe them at least that we take care of them when they are really old. My mother is already 63 years old but she is still healthy and moves around the house productively. My father is already more than 70 years old but is still able and moving around. I could feel that they don't ever want us to do that to them. In our country, we are used to close family ties and extended families. I and my other sisters still take care of them in our own home. They really don't require much care because they are still able and healthy.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
8 Jul 07
Pray for the best until the last breath!
1 person likes this
@abiesm (376)
• Vietnam
8 Jul 07
No. I never think I'll do it. Never. If I have a busy job, I'll save all my free time to take care of my parents. I can't suffer if I have to be away of them
2 people like this
• Malaysia
8 Jul 07
your parents are lucky. You are a good child. God bless. :)
1 person likes this
@jb_vete (323)
• Philippines
8 Jul 07
I don't think so. For me, we should'nt do that. As much as we can, we have to care our parents in our own home and give them our love. Nothing could be a more grateful act than giving a weak and old parent a comfort and love in our home. If there are worst situations that led other people do that, i just hope it's just so reasonable.
2 people like this
• Malaysia
8 Jul 07
They have their own reasons. Life is full of challenges.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
8 Jul 07
if someone is capable of taking care of them,why should they be in a foster home, our parents took care of us when we are little, though some may say its not our obligation, but for the love of my parents,we should, i will take care of my mother, or my in laws, i'm stay at home mom, i have all the time in the world to take care for them.
2 people like this
@jb_vete (323)
• Philippines
8 Jul 07
Financial reason is not reasonable for me. Love towards parents is more valuable than earnings.
2 people like this
@beauty_ph (2751)
• Philippines
9 Jul 07
I would prefer to take care of my own mother than bring her to a Foster Home. I think I owe my life and my success to my mother. She took care of my before and its time for me to take care of her and with my siblings. If I need to work, I think I can ask my sisters or someone else like a caregiver to do it. Love for parents are still more important. Although some foster homes in our country considered the elders to be their own parents. Some does not really care at all. For those old parents or grandparents, I think they deserve to be loved at this point of their lives. Specially that we do not know when are they leaving our love and care. God bless!
@ssh123 (31086)
• India
7 Aug 07
In Hindu family system, 90% of the families do not leave their parents in foster home. They somehow manage to keep them with them. This is because the parents are so much loved and they express the gratitude by giving them company in leisure hours. Also the parents are of great help in bringing up the children of their children. In addition to this, parents will always have some savings and property which they write it off in the name of the children who take care of them till last.