husbands' infidelity

Philippines
July 8, 2007 11:24pm CST
when can we say it over? how long do we have to continue trying to amend the problem of infidelity? is it worth it for the children? or we just call it quits right there and then?
3 people like this
5 responses
@Amstardam (1348)
• United States
9 Jul 07
It's over when you want it to be. Are you ready for it to be over? You are the one with the power to say whether you want to be with him still or not. Is he trying to make ammends? Is he getting better? Is your relationship stronger? I wish I could say it's easy to forgive, but it's not. It's moving on that is important.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
10 Jul 07
honestly, things are confusing now. there is part of you that wants it to get over it and another part wants to make it try because there is no other way. i mean, everything in life is a matter of choice...and choice should be for the good of everyone involved. forgiving is easy but forgetting is the hardest part. it would still keep in lingering on your mind. TRUST is definitely back to ZERO.
@soccermom (3199)
• United States
9 Jul 07
I've always had this attitude that it depends on what you're willing to put up with. I had a boss once that had an "open marriage" and it worked well for him and his wife. I have a boss now that cheats on his wife a couple times a week, and I'm pretty sure she's aware of it, but they are both in their 60's, he has always provided a great life for her and she's willing to turn the other way. My hubby and I have been faithful to each other, and plan to stay that way, if he cheated I think I'd be devestated, but I'm fortunate enough that he has me on an ivory pedastal most of the time. AS fr the kids, well if you're not happy, the kids aren't gonna be happy regardless of whether they know what's going on or not.
1 person likes this
@Aurone (4757)
• United States
9 Jul 07
I suspect that if the affair was over and everything was forgiven you wouldn't be asking this question. While its noble to stay together for the children, I don't think its better. Because if you both are unhappy that will transfer into daily life and it will transfer into the way you treat people and your children will suffer for your unhappiness. If you husband is sorry, and promises not to do again and you can really forgive him then give your relationship another shot (I would make him go to marriage counseling with you though), but if you feel this is something he is going to continue to do and you cannot handle that, well then its time to go. You deserve to be happy.
@lecanis (16661)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
9 Jul 07
Staying in a relationship for the children is never healthy. Even if you don't fight in front of your kids, even if they don't know exactly what is wrong, children know when their parents are unhappy in relationships, and it causes them not to understand what a healthy relationship is like. I do believe that in some cases one incident of infidelity doesn't have to mean a marriage is over, but from what you're saying it sounds like that's not the issue here. If you've been "putting up with it" for your kids, or because you think it's the right thing to do, then you're probably just prolonging your own and your entire family's misery. Getting out of a relationship that isn't making you happy can be hard, but if your partner simply isn't committed, you're better off doing what's best for you, and your kids.
@mamasan34 (6520)
• United States
9 Jul 07
If the infidelity is ongoing, and he has no intention of stopping, there is no reason to stay. It all depends upon the situation. If the man is not even apologetic and he continues his behavior then move on. You are sending your children the wrong message.