Body Waxing.

@Chryssi (828)
United States
July 10, 2007 1:03pm CST
This has to be one of the most painful things, ever. I've seen this story several times, and it makes me die laughing every time. You should definitely take the time to read it. Everyone needs a good laugh every now and then. Well, it's now, and it's at my expense! My night began as any other normal weeknight. I drove home, fixed dinner, played with the kids.. I then had the thought that would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet and try it." So, I headed to the site of my demise - The bathroom. It was one of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm, you peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can that be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically inclined enough to figure this out. I pull one of the strips out. It's two strips facing each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. I lay the strip across my thigh, hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works! Okay, so it wasn't the best feeling in the world, but it wasn't too bad. With my next strip, I move north. After checking on the kids, I sneak back into the bathroom. I drop my panties and put one foot on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half of my hoo-ha, and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek. (It was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace myself........RIIIIIIIIP!! I'm blinded by pain!!! OH MY GOD! Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half of the strip. Oh crap! Another deep breath and RIP! Everything is spinning and spotted. I think I may pass out. Do I hear crashing drums? Breathe.. Breathe.. Okay, I'm getting back to normal. I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that has caused me so much pain, with the hair stuck to it. I hold up the strip... THERE'S NO HAIR ON IT! Where is the hair?! WHERE IS THE WAX?! Slowly I ease my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair, the hair that should be on the strip.. I touch. I'm touching wax. Then I make the next BIG mistake.. I know I need to do something, so I put my foot down. Sealed shut! My butt is sealed shut! I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and I think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to have a BW, my head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax? Hot water! Hot water melts wax! I'll run the hottest water I can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered bits and the wax should melt and gently wipe off, right? WRONG! I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment. I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether regions glued together, is having them glued together, then glued to the bottom of the tub, in scalding hot water. God bless the man who convinced me to install a phone in my bathroom a few months ago! I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter, "So, my butt and hoo-ha are glued together to the bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me. She wants to know exactly where the wax is located. She's laughing out loud by now.. I can hear her. I give her the rundown, and she suggests I call the number on the back of the box. YEAH RIGHT! I should be the joke of someone else's night. While we go through various solutions, I let the water drain out. I resort to trying to scrape the wax off with a razor - the part I can get to. By now, my brain is not working, dignity has taken a major hike, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need post-traumatic stress counseling for this event. My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my saving grace - the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax. AHA! I'm saved after all! I relax, just a little. What do I really have to lose at this point? So, I rub some on and OH MY GOD!!! The scream probably woke the kids and scared the dickens out of my friend. It's soooo painful, but I really don't care.. IT WORKS! I get a hearty congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my grief and despair, the hair is still there!! ALL OF IT! So, I recklessly shave it all off. Heck, I'm numb by now, nothing hurts. Next week, I'm going to try hair color. What could go wrong with that?
1 person likes this
2 responses
@punlonnjack (1308)
• United States
25 Aug 07
i tried nare hair remover on my binkin line never do this i rinsed it off and my private area burned to the excess i though iwould have to go to the hospital it took a few hours to stop burning.what was i thinking????/duh?
@Kowgirl (3490)
• United States
11 Jul 07
Thanks for copying my hubpages word for word. I really appreciate that!