I Know The Answer But Is The Grass Greener?
By Brian
@wolfie34 (26770)
United Kingdom
July 14, 2007 5:03pm CST
Deep deep down I know the answer, the root of the evil as it were but maybe I'm not being fair, I have after all 'made my bed and now I've got to lie in it'
I know the key to my depression, my heart knows it, my brain knows it and I'm hoping my counselor when I start will see it and hopefully give me the support.
But the answer is not as clear cut, because as they say the grass is always greener, yes it is stressful living here, yes sometimes I think I'm losing my sanity, sometimes I want to punch, kick out or worse, sometimes I want to cry and sob my heart out
But If I leave, I could find myself in a worse situation BUT I would be ALONE and that my friends is what I desperately desperately want.
I want to LIVE ALONE I want to break free (in the words of Queen!) and I want to get out of a cage but this time I don't want anyone to rescue me that has been my problem in the past
But it's a big gamble and I am facing the unknown, I could be throwing away EVERYTHING and if I do go there is NO WAY BACK!
The answer is there my friends but I don't think I've got the guts or confidence to go for it!
9 people like this
18 responses
@visitorinvasion (7709)
• United States
14 Jul 07
I don't know if you're in desperate need of some tough love or not, but you know as well as I do that's all I know.
If independence and solitude are what you know in your heart you need, then move out and become independent. Apparently you are not in love anyway if these thoughts cross your mind, so what point would there be in going back? If your depression hinges on your feelings of being imprisoned, it matters not who imprisoned you (this includes imprisoned by your own choices), it only matters that you be freed.
Make your choice and stick by it.
Don't let yourself feel obligated to be somewhere you no longer wish to be simply because you might fear loneliness. You can't find happiness while staying somewhere that makes you sad.
I know that in no way will it be as easily cut and dry as words on a screen, and I'm pulling for you, dear Wolfie, and I know you can do what you have to do to find happiness.
3 people like this
@wolfie34 (26770)
• United Kingdom
14 Jul 07
It's the old saying I'm convinced, I'm trying to convince others! It will leave my housemate in dire straits if I do and I would have to 'vanish' without trace, but if I don't one of these days I will do something I'll regret. Thank you my friend you have helped more than you think on this one x
2 people like this
@ItTakesAllSorts (4096)
•
14 Jul 07
Theres also that saying "If only".
Sometimes we decide not to do things as it will make us leave our comfort zone, which is such a safe place to be, but sometimes it can be the right thing to do to just go for it.
You will never know until you try and if you have these feelings, then maybe now is the right time.
I can say this as I have seen my mum for years wanting to leave my dad, but unfortuneately she never did. She stayed in a marriage that was not good and she deserved better. She will often think "If only" she had left, what would her life be like now? Who knows?
I don't know whether I have told you this but there is a great book by Susan Jeffers "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway". She is an inspiration and puts things into perspective.
I hope that the decision you come to with suport from your counselor will be the right one for you.
Who knows if the grass is greener or just a dirt track, its only the brave few who make the decision to go look who can tell us.
I wish you every success Wolfie X
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26770)
• United Kingdom
14 Jul 07
Thank you very much, we only get one shot in life, and life after all is a gamble I just keep getting the lemons instead of the bells lol! You did mention that book before, and I will do a search on Amazon for it. My mums the same she's in a abusive relationships and has been stuck in it for 37 years! I've been in mine for 4 you get less for murder!
1 person likes this
@ItTakesAllSorts (4096)
•
15 Jul 07
Wow, thats amazing!
I hope it helps you my friend, thinking of you always x
@rosie_123 (6113)
•
15 Jul 07
Well I think you know what I am going to say my friend. Go for it! We only live once, and life is for lvjng. If you want to live alone then there is no shame in it. I lived alone for years before I met my man, and I loved every minute of it! I loved the freedom, and the fact that I had no one to answer to but myself. I loved the independance. As you know, I am an only child just like you are, and I think it is quite natural for us to want to be alone a lot of the time because we were bought up fairly self-sufficient. The kind of things other people crave for (company, and family around you all the time for example), drive me crazy, and I feel they do for you too! We both need our "space". So, - think about it carefully, and obviously make contingency plans to sort out your finances etc, but go for it. If it is what you want, - them you will be happier for it in the long run. Good luck!!!
Love
Rose
xxxx
@dragontester (570)
• Switzerland
15 Jul 07
Whatever you do , believe in yourself. We all do things, some turn out to be pleasant and some are painful. But, the important thing is to be doing it. We all are born and then die. Life is worth it, only if we sail in the ocean of life in between. If we worry about the storms, then, we would end up sitting on the shore. We may have to stop in between in the ports to wait for a stronger storm to settle down, but, we need to move on, at least on a later time. I am not aware of the situation you are in, but, no matter what, you will still be standing at the end of the day. Smile and sail:)
@wolfie34 (26770)
• United Kingdom
15 Jul 07
What a great analogy of life, very very true. If things were too easy to achieve then life would be boring. I know there is a pot of gold the other side of the turbulent ocean but if I don't swim the stormy seas I will be no closer to the gold! Thank you
@mssnow (9484)
• United States
14 Jul 07
Hi, Wolfie, I could give you all kinds of sayings such as "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. But it is your choice what you do. I am gambling evrything on my move to Arizona, which by the way is the 1st of August. I get doubts like"What if I cant make it there?? I am leaving my boys and the world I have known for 20 odd years. Even though I was born and raised in Arizona, its not the same place I used to live. I too want to be alone. I want to live alone and have my own little place. So, I don't have to worry about anyone else but me. I am very set in my ways now. I don't want someone else telling me how I should live or what they want . I'm willing to take that chance. You must decide for you if its the chance you want to take. Whatever you do I wish you lots of luck and happiness, dear Wolfie. xxxx
@mummymo (23706)
•
15 Jul 07
Right my darling brother I am reading between the lines here BUT I think I am reading it correctly. We all have ups and downs and times when we feel we need out but I feel that this is much more serious than one of these little blips in the run of our lives! If I am right you need to get out at the first chance you have and I meant the FIRST chance! You cannot live your life in this way and you are at the stage where you have found the courage to try and sort out your life and your mind set so please do not lose courage now! You know you can trust me the way I trust you! Remember the good advice and support you gave me the other month - well that situation is getting better, he has 'came out' and is proud of himself as am I! Anyway Sweety my best advice is to trust your gut and set up the changes - have everything organised and set up and then GO - please keep me up to date and don't disappear or I really will worry! My support and love is with you - your loving sister, always! xxx
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26770)
• United Kingdom
15 Jul 07
Sometimes I think because of my depressive personality I always look at things in doom and gloom and having BPD doesn't help, but when I look at the time I really was happy it makes me more depressed. Great news and I was glad I could help out, sometimes my dear friend I think I take more support than I give which is unfair and that I do offload on my good friends xxx
1 person likes this
@mummymo (23706)
•
15 Jul 07
I have never felt you offloading on me , mt darling brother - I have always worried that you hold back and hold most of your troubles inside and this worries me - I would so love to be able to support you as you let it all out - it only rots and festers when you hold it inside and I hate to think of you in so much pain! You have supported me and lifted my spirits more than you can ever know - the depression stops you from seeing how much you help your friends and how much you mean to them! Please never be afraid to 'offload' - you know how to contact me, use it if you can! Love and Hugs xxxx
@bestisyettocome (1531)
• United States
15 Jul 07
I am SO in sync with your discussion, Wolfie. I have my own situation making me feel this way. I think something that has helped me to come to a lot of realizations is a book by Dr. Spencer Johnson called "Who Moved My Cheese". Now before you say WTF, this book is inspirational, and makes you understand HOW YOU handle change. The grass is never greener on the other side, but it may grow a little better. :) I wish I could make a major change in my life, but finding the guts to do it has me baffled. I wish you luck, with whatever your change may be. And know that if you took the steps to change, you are a very courageous person! Try the book, you'll be surprised!
@Naomi17 (624)
•
15 Jul 07
I'm sure you know what i'm going to say i think your depression in some part is caused by your situation and you need to have your own space, feeling caged means you feel shut in, you know its time to spread your wings and i will be here anytime if you need a friend!
Don't be scared this is your chance to get what you want you know me i think you need to live a lot, follow your heart you know you want to!!!
@raydene (9871)
• United States
15 Jul 07
Hey Buddy, I know that you will do what you need to do to set yourself free.You are a smart guy and you know what you are doing so just keep taking one step after the other.You are going to be ok. I'm not at all worried about you my strong friend. I can feel what you are made off after months of reading your discussions. You will do just fine!
Hugs
@sick4muzick (816)
• Philippines
15 Jul 07
hello wolfie34. I have been gone awhile and though we havent really exchanged that much discussions, i feel for you. I think the grass is always greener if you need a change. Everyone NEEDS to break free every once in a while. The guts to do the things you feel you need to do will come when you really need it. I pray you find the answer and trust in it to follow through with all your heart. Thank you and Have a lovely day.
1 person likes this
@magicalmerlin (1623)
•
14 Jul 07
I can only offer that I had these feelings about my job for ages. Was I just thinking the grass would be greener and would it in fact turn out worse. I jumped. It worked out much better for me and I am glad I did. Moving home and relationship is a much bigger step and only you know best. I wish you well whatever you decide.
1 person likes this
@raychill (6525)
• United States
15 Jul 07
I think the point of "the grass is always greener" is that you see something you want to grab for...you see a life or a job or a dream or something that you don't have and you think "my life would be better if I had that" so you long for it because that's the "green grass" If and when you achieve it though...there will be something else some other dream or ideal that you don't have that is even greener than the grass you just got. No matter what your grass will never be as green as the grass of others, the grass of your dreams and your goals and the life that you don't have.
So you have to see that your grass is as green as it can be and your grass is your grass. You have to be happy with the grass you have and make your life what it is and not long for the things you don't have.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
15 Jul 07
Well Sweetie only you can decide that
I live on my own and yes at times it gets lonely, but it is not that bad at all
It took a lot of courage to make the Move specially because of my Illness but I have moved closer to my dear Man in my Life, The air here is a lot better for my Lungs
I love my Kids more then anything and I miss them but I am also happy here and I would not move back up north again
So you have a good think about it yes it is a hard decision and it is like starting new and that is why you need be sure
@texasclassygal (5305)
• United States
15 Jul 07
Absolutely, you do, you have the courage to face it, acknowledge it and now announce what you want, the next step is to do it!
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
15 Jul 07
This situation seems to be causing you so much pain, wolfie, that You probably should leave. I always say that sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith-move out of your comfort zone. You never know what is in store for you if you don't take that first step. I wish you luck.
@LAWise520 (275)
• United States
15 Jul 07
Brother, it's up to you to make the jump. Fly and be free. Facing the unknown is often what allows us to feel better...it can make us feel worse as well if our heads are screwed on too tight. So be ready for the worst and know that, in the end, it will all work out whether you want it to or not.
