the death of a child...

United States
July 16, 2007 8:18am CST
How would you respond to an old friend upon hearing of the loss of their child? I had this happen this weekend..it was a friend of ten years, that i met on the internet...i've never seen her face, but know everything about her...her worries, her loves, her thoughts and feelings on alot of topics...but I wouldn't know her if I past her on the street...but even with this fact, I still consider her a very good, good friend...and she's proven to be one over the years..and I was absolutely dumbfounded on what to say.. I don't think anyone can say "oh I know honey" to a friend, unless of course, you, yourself have lost a child..and I told her this..."I can't say "I know how you feel" because I don't...but I am so truly sorry for your loss" Did I handle this situation in an appropriate way ?
1 response
Ravenladyj
@Ravenladyj (22904)
• United States
16 Jul 07
Well being a mother who lost a child..I can say that hearing things like "I know how you feel" or "I understand" used to make me SO FURIOUS! becuase bottomline is this YOU DONT KNOW end of story... Your best bet IMO..tell your friend you are sorry for her loss...and let her know that if she ever needs to talk, vent, cry etc you are there for her (provided you really will be)...sometimes we just need to get out the words, feelings etc in our heads in order to cope ya know...We arent looking for advice cause there is no advice anyone can give us really..we're just looking for a shoulder to cry on and a sympathetic or at least an open ear to talk to ya know... You didnt say though, when did this happen? was it recent??
jeannebean
@jeannebean (73)
• United States
18 Jul 07
Thankyou for your honest response...yes it occurred on July 2nd..and absolutely, I will/have been there for her...It's difficult to even imagine the sense of loss, that's why I wouldn't dream of saying.."I know, or I understand"..because I don't..I think only peole who have had the experience of a loss of their child can understand that emotion.but I will be her shoulder and her ear!! Thanks for the comment!