The need to jump in a fight or not

July 16, 2007 10:17am CST
When two of your fiends fight, you... A) Jump in and pick sides. How do you pick which friend to stand behind? OR B) Jump in to remedy the dispute. What tips can you share of how you have done this? OR C) Stay out of it completely. Why? Me, I am C. I stay back out of it and let them work it out. I don't trust my advice and fear I would make it worse. So I just leave it up to them to settle. *********************************** I read, rate and thank all. :oD
3 people like this
16 responses
16 Jul 07
I would jump in to try to remedy the situation. I would stand in between them and ask them to talk it through or before it even got that far I would have them to try and talk out their problems!
3 people like this
16 Jul 07
Wow, that's cool. Have you ever had to do that and did it work out?
1 person likes this
16 Jul 07
I've never had to do that, and hopefully I won't ever have to.
1 person likes this
16 Jul 07
LOL, I understand that.
1 person likes this
@cuddleme01 (2727)
• Philippines
16 Jul 07
it is a case to case basis. If my friends are really close to me and the cause of the fight is not a big deal, i can meddle. it's better, i guess to stay neutral, sort of a neutral arbiter because they are all my friends. If i pick sides during an intense moment i might only aggravate the misunderstanding. But i think there are fights too that one should just let the people concerned sort it out to themselves.
16 Jul 07
Yes being neutral is sometimes the best policy. Sometimes friends see you taking a side, that just makes the whole thing escalate. Thanks for the reply!
1 person likes this
@raychill (6529)
• United States
16 Jul 07
ohhh.. I'm an Irish chick and I have the Irish temper! I totally try to stay out of fights whether it's between two friends or myself! I also hold grudges forever so people don't really want to get in a fight with me! I think it's always best to resolve fights when both parties are calm and not to involve anyone else in the fight besides the original fighters!
1 person likes this
17 Jul 07
"I'm an Irish chick" ha ha, nuff said, I am too and I so know what you mean! Grudge, isn't the word for it, sounds to temporary, LOL. Thanks for the reply.
@raychill (6529)
• United States
17 Jul 07
ha ha. I'm glad you're a fellow Irish chick who knows what's up! I've actually always thought it would be amazing to have a tattoo of a "chip on my shoulder" but I've never figured out how to visually accomplish that without it being lame like a chocolate chip or a potato chip. I think that would describe me to a tee :)
@Ravenladyj (22920)
• United States
17 Jul 07
I guess it would depend on what the fight was about really...if its something petty and foolishly immature then I'd stay out of it and just shake my head at the situation LOL IF however it were more serious I would probably step in and voice my opinion regardless of which friend it sided with..If I think someone is wrong or I can flat out see that one of them is wrong I'd pipe up without a doubt!
1 person likes this
17 Jul 07
It is kind of hard to keep quite when you see someone no matter how close of a friend, being completely wrong. Under those circumstances, I would have to speak my peice about it as well.
• Philippines
17 Jul 07
In my case, I am the adviser/consultant type so I would jump in to remedy the dispute. However, I will stop if I would see no cooperation between the two parties. I do trust my advice becoz I have helped some groups with it but I wouldnt want to deal with hard headed people who would only listen to themselves.
1 person likes this
17 Jul 07
I have seen your advice and I do believe you would intervene and remedy it. You have a wonderful head and heart about you.
@royanne (372)
• Philippines
17 Jul 07
i think i would rather choose option B... jump in to remedy the dispute... because i don't want to see my friends fighting each other... and i don't want to pick sides either... and i'd rather listen to both sides and help them patch things up... know what is the reason of the fight and give some advices... but then it is up to them in the end if they still have the heart to make-up... all you could do is help them...^_^ ayt?
1 person likes this
17 Jul 07
You are certainly correct, in the end regardless of our efforts it lays on them to decide whether or not to make up. Thanks for sharing that. Welcome to the boards btw!
1 person likes this
@friendship (2085)
• Canada
17 Jul 07
I will choose C. I will stay back out of it and let them work it out. Since both of them are my friends, I won't interfere with their problems. I don't give my advice at all because one of them (or perhaps both of them) may not like my advice. If they ask an advice, I will try to understand their situation first. I have to reanalyze it carefully. I don't want to comment right away. However, my advice won't take sides (a win-win situation). It will be neutral because I don't want to lose both of my friends.
17 Jul 07
You are so right and I love how you put it. By not taking sides it's a win-win situation. You are so right and feelings are not hurt worse. Thanks for sharing that.
@vladpp (37)
• Australia
17 Jul 07
My friends never fight seriously with each other, just mucking around. Usually when this happens i just stand back and have a cheap laugh. When there is a serious fight i usually step in and try to break them apart.
1 person likes this
17 Jul 07
When my friends are just being silly and goofing off, that's when I will jump in. Love having a good laugh. Thanks for your reply.
@brokentia (10394)
• United States
17 Jul 07
Excellent question!!!! It depends. I do not want to get involved in things that are none of my business. If I must, I will back away slowly. I have learned that no sudden movements will stop the loss of limb or heads. But if it is something I can get involved in...I will listen to each friend separately. Even let each friend vent. Because in venting helps to release anger and such and they might see clearer if they vent some. After that...I will try to get each person to see the other's point of view. This is still done separately. Because honestly, there is no making two friends face each other when the heat of anger will not get anything accomplished. So, keeping each person away from the other is very helpful in getting one to hear the other's POV. :) And if all else fails....pick your sister's side! ha ha
1 person likes this
17 Jul 07
"And if all else fails....pick your sister's side!" ha ha wonderful point!
2 people like this
• United States
16 Jul 07
A + rating for this great discussion! Coming from a mental health background I would have to go with "the feelings" of the issue. (even though that does not always work). You have gotten several wonderful responses here and if you and I ever get into a huge fight, I hope these people are there to help us out! I would: -hopefully it is not a physical fight; but if it is, I don't know that I am strong enough to step into it, but I would very loudly and sternly shout to break it up and each move back a few steps -encourage both parties to relax and take some deep breaths -I would state that I would not listen to either side until I had 3 minutes of uninterrupted silence (it may take quite a long time to get that 3 minutes, so I need to be prepared to wait it out) -Once I have gotten the 3 quiet minutes I would randomly pick one of the two to tell his/her side of the argument (if the other interrupts to ask why he/she was not asked first, I would explain that he/she will get his/her turn next and I will give him/her the same attention that the other person is getting right now. I will also state that I won't tolerate him/her interrupting again) -After I have listened to the first story, I will ask the other person, "How did just hearing that make you feel?" and allow that person to answer. -I will then do the same thing with the other person (ask for story, then ask other how that story made them feel) *During all of this, I will not listen to any justifications or excuses. I will only listen to replies to my original questions and I will make certain that both parties are aware of this. Once this part of the intervention is complete, I will ask each person if there was 1.anything they may have misinterpreted 2.anything they may have jumped to conclusion about 3.anything they were upset about because someone else told them something There are other questions you can ask depending upon the situation. This scenario also works best when you are dealing with children/teens. Regardless, in my opinion, taking sides is never the way to go if you want to keep friendships. I do think that asking questions like the ones above could be of some help though ~Donna
1 person likes this
17 Jul 07
Wow yes, I do hope these people will lend a hand, but man you seem as though you could also help out rather nicely as well. I do so agree, I think takng sides isn't the best cure at all. Wonderful reply!
• United States
16 Jul 07
If am asked to help resolve it then I would look at both sides and pick the one that was right. If I am not asked then I keep out especially if it is a relationship problem because they usually make up and you are then regarded as the bad one.
1 person likes this
16 Jul 07
Food for thought indeed. Great response!
• United States
16 Jul 07
My natural instinct says I should pick option C and just get out of the way and let them handle it, but I know I am much more of a 'B' type person. Normally, I will try to be the voice of reason. I won't even pick a side, I will just try to rationally talk both people or parties to calm down and hear me out. If it's a small fight, I will try to get them to realize that it's not worth it and that they are friends. I like to be the voice of reason in those situations. Of course, if that doesn't work, then I usually revert back to option C and just get out of the way. In bigger conflicts, I try to talk to both sides individually first, to get them to calm down and to explain what's going on in their own words. Then, it's just a matter of opening the dialogue between friends. That can be the hardest part sometimes.
1 person likes this
16 Jul 07
"Then, it's just a matter of opening the dialogue between friends. That can be the hardest part sometimes. " Isn't that the truth! Like pulling teeth at times. I know when I am mad, it's hard to get me to that point until I calm down. Sometimes I can never reach it. You sound like a cool friend, thanks for sharing that.
@LANewton (20)
17 Jul 07
I usually jump in between them. Thats the best thing to do because you cannot take sides when it is your friends and you cannot stand and watch them fight. What i usually do is stand between them and hold them both at arms length and tell the to stop being stupid because guys usually make up after a scuffel i find anyway. If there is more than one of us who is not involved in the fraccard you can each grab one of the people who are ficghting, this is safer as it stops you from getting a smack to the chops as well if you are stood between them.
1 person likes this
@miamilady (4916)
• United States
17 Jul 07
I'm going to answer this question as it would apply to my life outside of mylot. The people who I can see and touch... I try not to get in the middle. It can be a tough situation at times. The one situation where I have to deal with this most is with a married couple who are both my friends. The husband I have known since elementary school. The wife, I met when they started dating. I feel a certain kinship to her, one because I like her and two because she is a woman. They often confide in me about their problems with the other. I do a lot of nodding and a lot of um hmming and such. Sometimes, I want to tell them how hard it is sometimes to be a friend to each of them. Their marriage is not the ideal marriage at times and I feel like if I take either side I will be in some way betraying the other. There are times when I will offer my opinion or advice, but that is rare and I try to do it in a way where I am being helpful, without choosing sides
18 Jul 07
I am glad you wouldn't get in the middle. I hate those that jump in, then run with it and become a back fighter or blow it out of proportion and get innocent people hurt as well. Those people are unneeded beings in our society, don't you think? You are also correct when SOME not only take sides, but go to the extinct of attacking the other one, it just makes the whole thing escalate even further. But you know people that go to these extremes, they aren't really friends, they are just nasty little people with no life at all. However in the end I do believe in Karma and they get theirs. Boy do they ever, seen it too many times in my life. Well thanks for the reply and special thanks for being a great friend! You just keep it up girl friend :oD
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
16 Jul 07
I tend to stay out of it completly. I will listen to both sides but not offer up any thoughts as anything said will more than likely get used against me later when they kiss and make up. My friends know this and also know that anything they say will not go any further. mum's the word!
16 Jul 07
Yep I so agree with that. I try to keep their "vents" to myself and let them get it out. That helps sometimes just to know someone is listening to them, I think. Thanks for the response.
• United States
20 Jul 07
I would be stuck fighting with myself over whether I should stay out of the situation or try to resolve it. And I'd probably secretly have sides - depending on what the fight is about. Though I'm smart enough to keep that to myself. I don't want to add to the tension. I am pretty sure though in the end I would give them advice and hope for the best. Good discussion :)