Am I Horrible?

Philippines
July 16, 2007 12:19pm CST
My best friend's younger sister is having her 18th birthday celebration this Saturday, July 21. I don't know about elsewhere, but here in the Philippines, turning 18 is a huge deal. And for those people who's got the money, they throw big parties for it. I guess it's like the coming out party (if anyone's seen the OC, it's like that, but only for one girl). So my friend asked me and the rest of our barkada (it's the Filipino word for a clique) to go. The theme is formal '50s. The thing is, I've already planned out my whole July 21. I've already planned that out for months. I'd be spending the whole day reading the final Harry Potter book. And I know she knows how huge a fan I am of those books. Of all the 18th birthday bashes I've been to, I learned one thing. If you're not the celebrant, it's kinda boring. You just sit there waiting for your name to be called if you're part of the 18th roses or candles or whatever 18 and for picture taking. I also learned that being a family of the celebrant, there's a lot of things to do. So I thought that, hey, she'll be with her family. I mean, I don't invite any of my friends to family events because it's gonna be awkward for them. I don't wanna be sitting there without a '50s outfit with her whole extended family and her sister's friend around me. I'm not on any 18-whatever list either. So basically I'll just be sitting there, eating dinner. As it turns out, almost all of us in the group (there are 9 of us) can't go. There's nobody to bring me there that day, unless one of my friends picks me up. Two have too much school work to do. The other is going to be at her grandfather's wake. The other has another family event to got to. One is in Taiwan. There are two more who are available, but the other one is unsure because she doesn't have an outfit for the theme and no money to buy a gift and no transportation to get to the party. The other one doesn't want to go if nobody else is going. Now she texts us telling us to just not go at all since we're not "complete". I asked her what the big deal was about us being complete since my birthday is also coming up and we can all see each other there. And then she tells me that there's a table set up for us and she's upset that there'll be nobody to occupy that. I felt really really bad and also a bit annoyed. One thing is that we didn't receive any formal invitation. I don't know, maybe they didn't send out invitations. She should've told us. We took her text messaged invitation as informal so we didn't really take it seriously. We thought that maybe there are extra spaces there so she could invite us. We didn't know that there's gonna be a whole table allotted for us. Besides, it's her sister who's gonna be celebrating. As much as I love her, her sister isn't really one of my priorities. Based from my experience, the immediate family of the celebrant are always with her, taking care of the guests and of whatever else. There's not gonna be time for us to bond or whatever. I don't think she'd be lonely there. I mean, hello, her family is gonna be there. Still, I feel really awful. Really really feel like I'm a wretched friend. If it were her party, I'd gladly make Harry wait back home. She comes first. I'd take a cab or whatever. But it's her sister's party, and I don't even know her sister that much. I didn't go to her older sister's 18th birthday and she didn't get mad. She didn't even mention it. I even received a formal invitation card for that. I don't know why she's making such a big deal out of this. Am I a horrible horrible selfish friend?
4 responses
• Philippines
17 Jul 07
No i don't think so. maybe she feels that way because almost no one is coming to her invitation. The point is..she invited and you guys can't come. i guess it's natural to feel that way when somebody turned down your invitation. Sometimes people kinda forget we don't have everything in our hands. she'll just have to accept that. Give her time to cool off..she'll understand. I think you don't need to feel guilty. It's not always our obligation to go..we also have the right to accept or decline an invitation..even from our friends.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Jul 07
Thanks for that. :) Yeah, I was thinking, if it were me, and I invited everybody and nobody showed up, then I'd feel bad. But as you said, we can't predict everybody's schedule, and there are some things that are more important than a party. Well, right now, there are three of us going. I know I have to sacrifice a huge chunk of my planned out night for her, but that's that. It'll set me back for about six hours but oh well!
• Philippines
16 Jul 07
no..ofcourse you're not!!everybody is entitled for their own opinion and that not going to the celebration would make you a selfish friend.what you can do or have done is to tell the real score and your bestfriend will definitely understand the situation.no more less!!because real friends are bond to understand each other,right??
1 person likes this
• Philippines
17 Jul 07
Yes, I agree with you. I did tell her everything before, but I guess if it were me, I'd also be upset. But it's lucky that everything's set now. I'd have to give up my alone time to go to her sister's party. I guess some sacrifices have to be made for the sake of friendship! :)
@ashar123 (2357)
• India
16 Jul 07
There are two famous words used together known as school of thought. Every person on this world has its own thought and approach towards everything / aspect of life. You are not a horrible slefish friend at all. If a mother gives bith to two identical twins, even they are not alike then in the same way all people don't think the same way. In my opinion your friend doesn't believe in freedom of speech.
1 person likes this
• United States
17 Jul 07
So I agree that's it's weird that you were invited to your friend's sister's birthday party. Also that you only got a text message invitation and that now your friend is all upset all you are coming to her sister's party even though it will mostly be family. however, for whatever reason it means a lot to her, and I think that staying home to read the new Harry Potter book is a lame excuse. So either just go and make her happy, or find a more pressing reason not to go.