Did I get upset for nothing?

@snoopy04 (718)
United States
July 17, 2007 12:04pm CST
Me and my husband took our kids over to the prandparents to swim since they live right next door to us. My four year old Zac ddint want to swim so he went inside with grandma and played. Well I went inside later and I saw Zac at the kitchen table eating a snack and drinking a Coke. Well I was not happy because I dont let Zac drink Cokes. He is four years old and doesnt need a soda. When he is older and wants a Coke then thats ok. But he is way to youn gfor it now. So I found some water and swaped it out and told Zac that mommy deosnt want him drinking this. He said ok and drank the water instead. So when my mother-in-law came back in the room I pulled her aside and told her I didnt want Zac drinking a Coke. She said it was just one and what was the big deal. One Coke wouldnt hurt him, let him be a kid. She siad that the other kids get to drink it why not him. It was her house and she could give him what she wanted to. So I grabbed Zac went out to the pool and told my husband I was taking Zac home because even though this was here house I am still his mother not her. So we left and I took Zac out to the park and spent some one on one time with him. Later Wade said that he and his mom got into a huge argument because she should have show me some respect and listened to what I had to say. She thinks I was being rude and immature but I dont think I did anything wrong. When Zac is older he can make the decision about what he wants to drink. I ma hoping by showing him and giving him better things to drink then Coke he wont become addicted to it like me. I hope he can enjoy it in moderation and drink other drinks as well. Was I in the wrong or would you have done the same thing?
6 people like this
26 responses
@patgalca (15314)
• Orangeville, Ontario
17 Jul 07
I give you kudos for standing up to your mil and holding your ground on your own rules for your children. More kudos to your husband for sticking up for you. If you ever watch Dr. Phil you would see how many husbands just sit in the middle and don't say anything while mother and wife go at it. However, since Zac was drinking the water and was content to do so, and Grandma didn't take it away and give back the coke, I don't think you had to actually leave the house. But since you are living right next door, it's not that big of a deal. As parents we have to set guidelines for our children. That is our responsibility. I know grandparents say that they don't have to parent anymore, they can spoil their grandchildren, but that does not mean they can go against the wishes of the parent. We do what is best for our children and people should respect that. You did okay and I hope you two can resolve things between you. Tell her your reasons for not wanting Zac to drink pop and that you would appreciate her abiding by your rules. Good luck!
@snoopy04 (718)
• United States
17 Jul 07
I did let my anger get the best of me and I have tried to apologize for it but she really doesnt want to listen to me. When she said she would give him whatever she wanted to becayuse it was her house then it showed me that she didnt care whether I was the parent or not she would do it anyway. I also left because I didnt want to fight with her in front of everyone. She doesnt approve of me so I didnt want to make a big scene.
@stacyv81 (5904)
• United States
17 Jul 07
wow, you know, sometimes grandparents are a little aggressive with things. When I was pregnant with my second, and my son was two. I left him with my guys mom. I told her, no candy. and then I went to my son and I said to him, "I do not want you eating candy, ok?" he said ok. Then when I came home, my guys mom said, he asked for a twizzler, because she was eating one. She gave it to him and told him not to tell anyone. He took it, and came back in the kitchen with it about a minute later, untouched and said to her, "I am not supposed to have this." gave it right back and went on playing. I have to say I was so proud of him. And I think she has realized she will not be able to get away with things like that! =)
@patgalca (15314)
• Orangeville, Ontario
17 Jul 07
Then you did the right thing, Snoopy. Me? I may have made a scene. Well, maybe not with my mother-in-law. I am known for making scenes LOL! But you did the right thing in leaving then.
@vicki2876 (5640)
• Canada
18 Jul 07
I don't really know if Coke is the problem here or that it is her house and that she can give him anything she wants and you can't do anythng about it... Okay grab the smokes and rum? Of course you as mom decide what is best for your child no matter where your child is. My middle child likes pop and would drink it all the time if not monitored, my youngest hates pop as it is "hot" the fizz) My oldest child likes it but doesn't go crazy over it. I have gone to places and they asked if my childern could have pop and when they were four I would say no, they would give juice or water. Most people respected my wishes. But since she didn't think enough of you to ask what you wish and already gave it to him, I probably wouldn't have said anything as one wouldn't really hurt. BUT in this situation to me it sounds like she is trying to control you and be boss. It is too bad she has nothing else going on in her life that she feels the need to take over your job. It is such an uncomfortable situation to be in... I wish you the best of luck... Vicki
@judyt00 (3504)
• Canada
20 Jul 07
Did you ever consider that she never even thought anything was wrong with giving him a coke, since obviously the other kids are allowed to drink it
@kareng (13525)
• United States
17 Jul 07
I can see why you got mad. She had no right telling you that she would serve whatever she wanted to your child even if it was something you don't allow. She should respect your rules and obey them unless it was totally out of her control...like on a deserted island and a coke was all there was to drink. Then that would be acceptable. But giving him a coke to spite you and to tell you that she will give him what she wants to in her home, is not respecting your rules for your kids. I hope you can all come to terms of agreement and get back on good terms. It's tough living right next door and that only makes things worse with holding grudges. Really life is too short for that so, I hope she gives in on this one. Good luck!
@snoopy04 (718)
• United States
17 Jul 07
I am hoping when we move that will help our relationship. I just want her to realize that I am the mother of her grandchildren and theres nothing she can do about it. That is our bigggest problem is that I dont live up to her expectations and she has told my husband he could do better. But I also know what she did she did to hurt me because she truely doesnt like me. My husband decided to date me and not a lady his mom tried to fix him up with so needless to say my husband gets alot of grief as well.
@pallidyne (858)
• United States
17 Jul 07
This is why living next door to grandparents leads to way too many difficulties. I will never ever live too close to my parents or parents in law. I think this may have been blown out of proportion, but honestly, you are the kids mother and you make the calls on what he can and cannot do. There are house rules to respect wherever he goes, but those are to work in conjunction, hopefully, not opposition. Now not being there, I don't know how the attitudes were presented or perceived--- but I would try to mend the fences, but still holding that you make the rules for your children. If they can't respect that, then this is only the beginning of the fun!
@snoopy04 (718)
• United States
17 Jul 07
I have gone over and tried to smooth things over but she is acting very frosty toward me.
@judyt00 (3504)
• Canada
20 Jul 07
Your MIL was right, ONE coke isn't going to hurt the child, but your letting his older siblings have it and not him WILL hurt him. Just because YOU are addicted to all that sugar and caffeine, doesn't mean he will be. You are punishing your child for YOUR actions. Its not like you are putting coke in his bottle for pete's sake! As long as its only an occasional treat, soda won't harm any child, and your son's digestive system will thank you for it later
@Gemmygirl1 (2870)
• Australia
20 Jul 07
I often tell my Mum what i am not ok with my daughter having & she's happy not to give it to her. Having said that, i'd say you're both in the wrong (so both have room to change) - i'd say your MIL should have asked first & as for having a whole soda, what's wrong with just giving him a small glass of it. As for you, i think perhaps you could have just said to her that next time you'd appreciate it if she asked before she just started giving your son junk, on the other hand, 1 soda wont make him dependent on it so you probably could have chilled out a little bit on the reaction but you're right, you are his mother so you have the final say. Just remember though, Grandparents are there to spoil their Grandkids (so i've been told a million times) so perhaps next time you could just let him go & then just ask your MIL it's ok to spoil him but not with junk food & drinks! I cant believe you can handle living next door to parents (either side), that would be far too close for me :) If you didn't live so close then perhaps there'd be less tension between the 2 of you! Good luck with it all & just make sure that she knows from now on that she needs to ask before she gives him things like that & you need to just chill a little so he can enjoy all the naughty stuff while he's young!
@vampoet (825)
• Singapore
18 Jul 07
I do not think you are in the wrong. Neither was your mother in law. 2 differing views here. You are right to look out for his well being. and she is right in thinking you should just let kids be kids. Buut she should not have told you that it is her house and she can do what she wants. You should have just told her you are his mother and you get to decide what he eats or cannot eat till he can make a decision for himself.
• United States
18 Jul 07
I think it was blown a little out porportion. But you mom n law should respect your decision on how you like(want)to raise your children. But going through all that drama over some Coke Soda is a little to far. You could've just said your peace, especially if your youngest didn't have a problem with drinking the water you give him. To me that was just showing that you are a little spoil and thats not good. Especially if you trying to show your kids that they have an opinion on things(have a right to choose and not agrue and storm away) But I also hope your mom n law can get over it because she's acting like a child also by holding that again you. She should let by gones be by gones.
@trk918 (254)
• United States
18 Jul 07
You are the mother and she should have asked you if it was ok first. But as I know grandparents don't do that. They spoil them as they please. I have a 19 yr old who is finally get a reality check because of it. If I said no he went behind my back and asked her & she always said yes to everything. It's tough to say what the right way to handle it but she needs to know how you feel about what your kids eat & drink because next time you go over there to swim he may want to go inside with grandma for another coke. They catch on quick.
• United States
18 Jul 07
I probably would have gotten upset but I don't think I would've left her house. I would have just said look I'm his mother and I don't let him have soda at all. Say if you want to drink it then that's fine but I don't give it to my son. It's too much sugar and caffeine in it for a 4 year old.
@ky1119 (699)
• United States
18 Jul 07
Ugh, this sounds just like my mom. She thinks that she knows best, it doesn't matter if I'm the mom or not. I have recently stopped letting my kids spend the night because she always talks bad about us because in her eyes nothing is right. I don't think you were wrong for being upset. We all have certain rules for our kids and others should respect those.
• Canada
18 Jul 07
i dont think you were wrong at all! my son is 2 and he doesnt get coke either. i am really picky about the food he gets. i had a similar problem with my italian inlaws until i told them that he was my son and if they couldnt respect my wishes when it came to what he eats then he didnt need to come to thier house. sometimes grandparents think since they raised kids already that they know what is best. me personally, i think you did the right thing. if anyone was being immature, it is your mother in law. he is your son, if you want him to only drink prune juice that is your right. while its ok for grandparents to spoil thier grandkids, they have to respect the wishes of the parents as well.
• United States
18 Jul 07
Brava!I am proud of you and I have great respect for your husband for backing you up with his mother.You are the mother and it is up to you to set the rules for your child.It doesn;t matter where Zac is , he should follow your rules. And if the grandparenets don't want to follow them, then they won't get to see Zac as often as they like.I guess this all could have been avoided if either your mother-in-law asked you what Zac could drink. Or you and your mother-in - law had sat down and discussed what Zac could and couldn't drink.And to hear that your husband backed you up against his mother, that is so great.That means it isn't just your rules but your family's rules. Fantastic.
@tiku1977 (664)
• United States
18 Jul 07
No you were not wrong. Do not feel bad about it. If you get upset about small things then there are big problems also in life. So forget.
@Bobbz21 (155)
• New Zealand
18 Jul 07
I do think you did go over board just a tad, there would have been noway that I would've taken my son away from his grandmother even tho she gave him a coke. I mean you swapped the coke for the water that was good enough, I know you want the best for your child but I dont agree with what you done may have been the best choice, but well your a mum. I think that your son seems to be intelligent for his age, and when you swapped the coke for the water, and you explained to him why, so with that encouragement, I think u will have a good relationship with your son as he gets older cos with you around he will learn rite from wrong.
• Indonesia
18 Jul 07
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• Indonesia
18 Jul 07
Well, I wouldn't be mad bcos of the soda, but bcos of what she implied that she can give and do everything in her house while it was your child. I think what you did is right, although maybe you could stated it a little more subtle, not by storming out of her house like that.
@wiccania (3360)
• United States
18 Jul 07
I think you were absolutely right. I would definitely say that 4 years old is too young to be drinking soda, even if it's "just one coke." Besides, it's your child, you make the rules. My mom smokes. My older sister doesn't want her children to be exposed to it. Even when they're at my mothers house, out of respect for my sisters wishes, my mom will leave the room or go outside to smoke. Because while they're my mom's grandchildren, my sister is their mother, and it's up to her to make the rules about what they can and can't be exposed to.
@anij34 (317)
• United States
18 Jul 07
The main argument you will get from the grandmothers out there is that its their job to spoil the grandkids. Is it right? Nope. My mother in law is this same way and I am very strict about candy and pop and my mother in law is just now learning to respect my wishes. Even buying my daughter so much clothing, I either hand it right back to her or donate it. Its ridiculous how she can't listen but she is learning.
@cynddvs (2950)
• United States
18 Jul 07
I would have done the same thing. I think she should have asked you if it was ok before giving him coke. I know it is her house and all but it's your son. You're not a bad mother for not wanting to give him coke. Obviously it didn't bother him drinking water so what was the point in your mother in law making a big deal about it. I know anytime I go over to family houses they always ask what they can and can't give my daughter to eat and drink. It's just common courtesy.