Don't tell me about your problems! Just fix them!
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
United States
July 17, 2007 8:55pm CST
Whenever my spouse gets a ticket or flat tire, I'm usually the last person to want to know. Nowadays he doesn't even bother telling me bad news, cause I'm just so busy and it brings me down. My attitude is, "Don't tell me about your problems! Just get them fixxed." And, I guess in a perfect world where we had lots of money that would be possible everytime. For instance, if he got a speeding ticket, I wouldn't want to know about it, unless they suspended his license and he couldn't drive our car anymore. Then I suppose I would have to know about that.
Look these things happen to even the most careful drivers. It's a fact of life. I guess my point is this. I feel like I have more than enough on my plate, as is, without getting bogged down in the minutia of life. If it's a problem he can handle, then I think he should do so, without consulting me. He understands that point and rarely shares really bad news. Most times if I want to hear the bad news I have to badger him for hours. It works for us.
So, how about you? Do you prefer to hear the bad news up front from your boyfriend or spouse? Or, do you wish they'd keep the gloom and doom to themselves and fix the problem so you would't have to share the burden?
6 people like this
17 responses
@mfpsassy (2827)
• United States
18 Jul 07
Mine usually calls to see if he should even bother to come home. The ticket will cost money and since it is a moving violation the insurance will go up. Which also leads to him not getting some toy or tool he wanted.
So yes you need to at least know about it. And then make him deal with it.
@mummymo (23706)
•
18 Jul 07
Well if it works for you both that way that is cool beauty and you ere right to work things the way it suits you both! In my case my other half used to not share things with me - he used to try and cope alone and not share the problems - I hate that! He got into serious financial difficulty and didn't let me know so \\i carried on oblivious wondering why he was so stressed although he refused to explain it! Eventually everything got too much for him and he let me know what was going on! We have got things sorted now and although things are going to be VERY tight for at least the next 5 years at least there is light at the end of the tunnel and we have my real partner back! He is no longer stressed or grouchy and trying to hide the problems - we share them and can work things out together! We are a lot happoer now and much more affectionate! My position is if you share the small stuff it doesn't grow into big stuff!
That is my way and works best for me but we are all different and we all have to work out the way that suits us best! xxx
1 person likes this
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
25 Jul 07
I am very happy to hear that things are looking up for your family! You deserve all the good blessings you can get.
1 person likes this
@KrisNY (7590)
• United States
21 Jul 07
I'm the opposite- I want to be told the problems and the good things also- I think relationships are thick and thin- I understand your thoughts also- But it would not work for me- I would try to help in any way possible- I think that the problems in life can be dealt better with two people- over - plus if he had something on his mind and was bothering him I would want him to share- I think it's important to do this-
But if it was a flat tire or something small like that- fix it and then tell me later- then we can both get a good laugh-
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
18 Jul 07
I would prefer to hear it all even if it is only a small thing. If he is able to fix it then great, as long as he has dealt with it, but I would like to know anyways, and same goes for him. Sometimes something might happen and he won't know how to deal with it, so he will talk it over with me. I may have a suggestion and then he follows it through or else if he is busy then I deal to it. Works well between us.
@huggiebear22 (2007)
• Canada
18 Jul 07
I would expect my other to be suportive of how i dealt with my problem adn even laugh if i deserved ti or got it for beign stupid.
1 person likes this
@youless (112123)
• Guangzhou, China
19 Jul 07
I disagree with you. Frankly, I think it's nice that your husband tells you about his problems. When he talks it with you, he may want some suggestions from you. My husband seldom talks about his problems or something about his work. So I don't know whether he's fine. Sometimes I will be worried about him. Maybe he think it's better not to tell me so that I don't have to suffer the same problems, but I don't think so. I like to share with him even if it's a problem.
@TerryZ (22076)
• United States
18 Jul 07
I certainly agree with you and Ive trying to tell my husband that too. I think he is finally learning to catch on. Because recently something happened and I said oh you didnt tell me! And he said I thought you didnt need to know. And I said oh yea! It really does help me not to get so stressed out. Because I do tend to stress over things.
@wooitsmolly (3613)
• United States
18 Jul 07
I tell my boyfriend everything whether he wants to hear it or not. I can't really see myself keeping things from him. Although my bad news usually doesn't affect him since we aren't married or anything. I tell him my bad news because he is always there to help make me feel better.
@golfproo (1839)
• Canada
18 Jul 07
Hi,
I have never really thought about it like this. I suppose it is true, I would rather not know (if I had a spouse which I do not anymore). We all have a lot of problems and challenges that we need to contend with everyday. I suppose the spouse telling about their own problems is a way they "offload" their concerns onto their spouse. Not really that fair when you think about it.
cheers,
@DanaMark (807)
• United States
20 Jul 07
My wife and I have always shared all news, both good and bad. If it is bad news, it helps us to share it because then we can both bear the burden. That has worked good for us. She doesn't want me hiding things. She wants to know everything right away. That works for me as well, because then I don't have to worry about her finding out later on.
The only things she didn't want me sharing all the time were minor work frustrations. She would get tired of me sharing all the little complaints I had about my boss, or my employees. It tended to be the same things over and over. Now that I am retired, that part has been taken care of. Now we just complain about each other. lol.
@akan333 (3)
• United States
18 Jul 07
there is the saying that goes a problem shrared is half solve if the there is love in your relationship i think you should enjoy sharing things including problems.
@amyann16 (414)
• United States
18 Jul 07
Sometimes it really depends on how things are going in my life. During times of extreme stress, when I have a ton of things for work and home that need to be done, I would prefer not to know everything. Most of the time, I don't mind knowing about things, and actually prefer to be in the "know".
Now, that being said, I tend to not want to know very small items when I am stressed, like figuring out what is for supper, we need dog food, the lawnmower needs a new part, etc. Flat tires and speeding tickets are things that I would consider larger items and I would want to know about. Just knowing my relationship with my husband, these types of items are things that I know I would appreciate coming home and just venting about to him, and I am sure he would appreciate having me there to listen to him about these types of stressful events as well.
So, long response short, it really depends on what the item is, how stressed I am at the moment and if it is something that my husband really needs to talk to me about in order to help relieve his stress...
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
18 Jul 07
I was the opposite. I always wished my man would open up and share more with me. I wanted to hear all the good as well as the bad. I always wanted to know about his day...good or bad. It helped me understand him. I'm someone that struggled to speak with ease and therefore would be the last person to shut someone down easily.
@JohnsPrincess (28)
• United States
18 Jul 07
I would always want to know. I don't consider it sharing the burden...but sharing our life. If I did something stupid, like getting a ticket or whatever, the one person in life that I should be able to count on to be there to listen to me is my husband. And he can count on the same thing from me. Bad news or good news, I am here for him to tell me. I would hate for him to have to "keep everything to himself" so as not "bother" me.
@miamilady (4910)
• United States
18 Jul 07
I like to know what's going on with my loved ones, and if they need to talk about something, I like to be there for them.
the exception to that is when it's a continuing problem that they complain about but do nothing to fix the situation. when that happens, i get tired of listening.
I also like for the people in my life to want to know what's going on with me. But I like it to the point where they are interested, not to the point where they are prying and being nosey.
@gmakesmoney (2923)
• United States
18 Jul 07
I'm with you on this one! I don't want to hear my bf whine & complain about the everyday little problems that would otherwise just stress me out. I tell him the same thing, you effed up... you fix it. I'm not really one to sugar coat things for him or anyone else... which pisses off my friends a lot. I'm not his mommy, he's a grown man and I think he should be able to handle grown up problems on his own. Now of course if it's something major then I'll be nice and listen and get concerned but if it's the usual "my pepsi from taco bell was flat today and blah, blah, blah" then I'm like really how fascinating... who cares.
