What do you do when your boyfriend is suffocating you...

United States
July 18, 2007 11:15am CST
I've always wanted a boyfriend who was sweet kind loving truthful and somewhat kisses the ground I walk on. Well I found that guy. at frist him telling me how much he loved me every second of the day was cute now its starting to get annoying and I don't want to hurt his feelings but hes suffocating me. HE IS SOOO SWEET.... tooo sweet....but sometimes his sweetness is over baring... sometimes a women needs a backbone... someone to take controll what should I do I want him in my life yet I need him to slow down, take a breather and just enjoy the ride, not remind me every second of how he feels he is lucky to have me or calls me every minute of the day... I know i know most girls would kill for that but trust me it gets old after a while what would you do in this situation
4 people like this
15 responses
• Pakistan
19 Jul 07
I think that is is the time that you had a "talk" with him. I can understand your problem as one of my ex's was like that and though I really did appreciate all the affection but I didn't really like getting called at 3:00 am just to hear "What's my baby doing?" -.-'' I think the best thing to do is just meet at a place with relaxed atmosphere and let him know that how you truly feel. Try to keep your voice even and calm and I am sure that he will be able to see the reason behind it. Remember one thing though, love is something that we all experience but true affection is something that we all crave for.
• United States
19 Jul 07
That is so true because I can remember one of my ex's never showing me any true affection and it drove us apart and me crazy at the most... I love how he showers me with kisses and stuff... Im going to have a talk with him and hopefully he will understnd
• Pakistan
20 Jul 07
I wish you all the best :)
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
18 Jul 07
You don't say how long you have been seeing him. You do need your space and may have to put your foot down for it. Explain to him just how you explained it here and in a nice way. Don't wait until you are so frustrated that you just blow up. If he cares as much about you and the relationship as he says he does, he will understand and even if he feels a bit bad...he will want to please you.
• United States
18 Jul 07
we've been dating for a couple of months.. so in a sense I am waiting for a more stable love to conform but when we are together it feels natural and that we are soul mates but he just smothers me too much
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30987)
• United States
19 Jul 07
You need to be open and honest with this man. If you really are soul mates, you can do this and it will make your relationship stronger for doing so.
@34momma (13891)
• United States
19 Jul 07
you have to be careful for what you ask for becaus you just might get it. you make sure what you ask for is just what you want girl. but i believe in total honesty. let him know as much as you love all the attention, sometimes it is a bit much being that the relationship although good is still new.
• United States
19 Jul 07
Thats ture because I remember praying for a good man and I let go and let God handle the rest then he sent him to me ... so in all this I think the best thing is to be greatful instead finding fault.. and just be honest although it is very hard to approach him about it I will try
@psyche49f (2504)
• Philippines
19 Jul 07
I understand how you feel...too much of everything makes one crazy! And you just have to tell your bf not to overdo it because it suffocates you! Ok, it might shock him, but before he loses control, tell him quick before you get really turned off from too much sweetness...please tell him at once so that he will learn to back off a little bit and give you space. You know, instead of pleasing you, tell him he is killing you...if you have the guts, let him read the responses to this discussion...he, he, he...you know, I had a discussion, and let my husband read responses, and he learned lots of lessons from them...Next time, tell your bf that you don't need a loyal dog, but you just need to have a boyfriend...
• United States
19 Jul 07
yes too much of something does make you crazy its the hardest thing to do which is tell him he's suffocating me but I have to be honest and tell him something hopefully he will understand
• United States
19 Jul 07
first irespect your view, secondly iwant to tell you it is hard to find a guy who is lovely as your boy friend is love is all about communicatation,communicate
• United States
19 Jul 07
it is and im thankful that God has blessed me with such a wonderful caring man.. maybe Im the problem and I am taking his lover for granted
@Angela07 (202)
• United States
19 Jul 07
I would just talk to him and tell him exactly what's on your mind or you should try "suffocating" him start telling him that you love him and do exactly what he does to you hope it helps. good luck =)
• United States
19 Jul 07
Ooooh reverse it on him... knowing him that will make it worst... but I do send him little messages every now and then because I think he has a insecurity problem.. and I've been trying to give him as much as i can
@pachjoss (11)
• Philippines
18 Jul 07
darling, if you feel like you're being suffocated by your boyfriend telling you that he loves you, then there is something wrong with the relationship, girl! My fiancee and I tell each other we love each other constantly (he once counted how many times in one day, he lost count after forty!) and we know it's for real.. when you find the right one, believe me, you won't mind if you heard it every minute.. you'd probably be complaining if he didn't end the text message with a "I love you!"
• United States
18 Jul 07
Oh no there is nothing wrong with the relationship... im just the type of person who needs space... I've always been that type of person in all my relationships even with my family... but every thing is beautiful this right here is just one of the stumbling blocks... and the relationship is fresh... we can't even finish a simple conversation with I love you baby before the point has been reach I mean its just toooo much THanks :o)
• Philippines
18 Jul 07
Lucky me cause I have a very sweet boyfriend.. He got it all.. I may say.. He never suffocated me.. and we've been on for almost 4 years now.. :) considering that Im only 21 now.. He has been very nice to me though sometimes we have some misunderstandings but thats part of a relationship.. I can say that I could live my life with him forever..
• United States
18 Jul 07
well some people enjoy it and its good you to get along so well exspecially for 4 years now I hope I get to that point in my life with him also
@Marie2473 (8517)
• Sweden
18 Jul 07
I would also feel that it was a bit oo much. I like to hear the words I love you, but not several times an hour =) I know that my bf loves me and I also get to hear it as often as I need to and I tell him as often as he needs to. We have a good balance. Suffication is not good and you need to talk with him before he ruins it all by wanting to be tooo nice =)
• United States
18 Jul 07
Yeah only if he could just cut it down a bit... I think I will be ok just like someone said its like listening to your favorite song sooner or later you will get tired of it
• Philippines
18 Jul 07
my bf's sweet too. he's very thoughtful-always reminding me of things. when sometimes i burst out...it always always made him realize he's doing it too much. and then he'll say sorry. I think most guys like them are sensitive and emotional. You can always talk it over...just be honest about your feelings without attacking him.
• United States
18 Jul 07
yeah maybe he will understand if I point it out sometimes when it becomes a bit much... its all about honesty right
@vampoet (825)
• Singapore
18 Jul 07
Maybe you should just tell him that you feel suffocated by his efforts to please you. Yea sure it will hurt but it is better then keeping it all to yourself. Women have this strange habit of sitting on our mistakes like a hen on an egg and finally letting it hatch on superbowl sunday!:p
• United States
18 Jul 07
to tell you the truth i am a little scare if I do he will change completly and I don't want that maybe that is being selfish but I hope he will understand thanks
@Nykkee (2523)
• Canada
18 Jul 07
My husband can be like that but I am the same way so it doesn't bother me at all. I love that we tell each other "I love you" 50 times a day. The only time it really bugs we is when we are out shopping and he will stand right nest to me while I am trying to shop and it makes me self-consious and feel like I should hurry and I hate hurrying, so now I just ask him to go look at stuff he likes when I want to shop for girly stuff. However, we are married, so it's different. Maybe you should just tell your boyfriend that you need a little more space to breath. Tell him that you love him and you don't want to become sick of hime, like you can become sick of your favorite song if you listent to it too many times in a row.
• United States
18 Jul 07
Yeah I can understand its your husband you to have a union... but he and I are just dating relationship what ever you want to call it and besides him I have another life.. But I love him though and I am thankful he is just over baring...
• United States
18 Jul 07
I would just tell him that you love him very much too. But that he doesn't have to tell you every second of every day. Tell him you know how his feelings are for you and you are lucky to have a sweet guy like him. Tell him how it makes you feel because if not you will get tired of it and something might happen to the relationship. I'm sure he'll listen to your feelings and appreciate what you have to say.
• United States
18 Jul 07
I will try that approach and see what happens, its just so hard because I feel I will be hurting his feelings and I don't want him to change you know
• United States
20 Jul 07
Being possessive is a red flag, a warning of an issue that can doom a relationship if it is not addressed. Boundaries are a matter of respect and necessity for a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship is not possible when there is so much neediness. If your boyfriend is committed to a healthy relationship he will deal with the issues that are causing him to be so needy and insecure. If he doesn't, there is a great liklihood he will find other ways to have more power and control over you and that sets up an abusive relationship. Many women focus on the good parts of a relationship to minimize the bad and in time find there is more bad than good and find it much more difficult to leave. Set some boundaries. Do not let him guilt you into assuming responsibility for his well-being. You want a healthy relationship with someone who respects your needs and doesn't force the relationship to be all about his needs. If he cannot do this, it is in your best interests to end the relationship. You deserve a healthy relationship.
@Whisp1976 (488)
• United States
19 Jul 07
You could try respectfully and genty explaining to him all the things that you have outlined in this post. If he does not back off and give you some space, find another boyfriend. Ultimately you should accept the man you are with for who he is and not try to change him. If you cannot accept him, he is not the man for you.