Teen parenting

@lburns70 (182)
United States
July 20, 2007 4:19pm CST
I have a 15 year old that is pregnant. She seems to be doing well with this but it is hard on the rest of the family. Has anyone been through this?
1 person likes this
7 responses
@carmelanirel (20979)
• United States
20 Jul 07
Yes, my daughter was 17 though and I believe she wanted the baby and loved the father. so they got married and she now has 2 boys. I am concerned because though she finished high school, and the father took courses through the local vocational school, they are not doing well financially. It is hard, I don't know the whole situation or if the father is in the picture, but all I can say is be there for her. Help her out if you can by looking into online schooling so she can finish high school. If you or someone you know can watch the baby, help her through college and see that she gets a good start. There are many community services that help teens in her situation,. But most of all, make sure she get the proper medical and mental help. Having a baby for an older person is tough. She may need a mentor or professional help to keep this from overwhelming her and you. If you have no one, I suggest you too find help..
@lburns70 (182)
• United States
20 Jul 07
She already homeschools which is good. The babys dad is in the pictuer althought I wish he would do more for her. She still wants to go to college and I support her 110 %. I have to or she will have it harder and might be set up to fail. I want her to succeed in everything that she wants.
• United States
20 Jul 07
That is good that you are willing to support her, just remember to take care of yourself also. This will be a trying time, but I believe you can get through it. I will pray for you, Blessings..^O^
@brendakaya (2335)
• United States
20 Jul 07
I was a mother at 16, and although, I was married to the father, it was still tough. I didn't have alot of help or support, so it's good that you're giving Jess alot of support. I truly think you guys will do just fine. Good luck.
@lburns70 (182)
• United States
21 Jul 07
Thanks, I need support just like her. It will be tough but we will get through it. I just hate the unknown.
• United States
21 Jul 07
You're a good mommy, you'll be a great grandma! Better get plenty of rest now, though. lol
27 Jul 07
hi again , my best advice is to try to hang in there and where there is coopration there will be success with out that there may not be any success. She has to still have a goal in life and know that now she respondsable for another life's well being . having family support is important and hopefully things go good.
@lburns70 (182)
• United States
29 Jul 07
Yeah I hope they do. It will take time for everything to get straightened out. It is a big adjustment for everyone. I hope that she does grow up when the baby is born.
@KrisNY (7591)
• United States
21 Jul 07
My daughter is 10- so no I haven't been through this- Is your daughter living at home? Is she still with the father of the child? It must be hard on the family- But I'm sure you guys will be ok- I can't offer anything more than support- give this child love and support-
@lburns70 (182)
• United States
22 Jul 07
Yes she is still at home and I want her to stay as long as it takes to get a college degree and get financially stable to raise the baby. Yes she is still with the father but I wish that she wasnt. He supports her emotionally but not financially. To me he is lazy. I hope when the baby gets here that he changes his ways. It would be even better if this happened before the baby gets here.
@foxyfire33 (10009)
• United States
21 Jul 07
i will be 28 on Tuesday, my oldest daughter will be 12 in December. I'm not going to lie and say it was easy but I did it. I graduated high school a full semester ahead of my original graduating class and even went on to take 2 semesters of college. I did end up dropping out of college after that because I got married right out of high school and had another baby right before I would have started my third semester. Even though I missed out on a lot, I wouldn't go back and change anything. I love my daughter and the other children too much for that. My advice to you regarding your daughter is to encourage, support, and be her cheerleader. What was most frustrating to me was that so many people underestimated me about everything. From how I took care of myself while pregnant to how I cared for my baby and every other decision I had to make was always under a microscope. No matter how well I succeeded no one would stand up and tell me I did good. All I ever heard was that I had messed up, that I had to be better, that no one was going to come in and fix my mistakes. I felt like, I wasn't asking anyone to fix anything and that I WAS doing everything I could to make things turn out alright and all I needed was a little reassurance. I think my home life (my mom especially) was a big part of why I got married and pregnant again when I did. I was just so desperate to get out on my own to "prove" that I could do it or at least not have to deal with so much negativity. My advice on how to deal with your husband is to first of all let him know you do understand why he is mad, I'm sure you weren't exactly thrilled either at first, but that he needs to let go of his anger. What's done is done and him being mad still won't change anything or make it any easier. Then tell him my story if you need to to show how his attitude could affect your daughter. I'm sure the last thing either of you want is for her to hate being at home because of him so much that she leaves any sooner than necessary like I did....because by the way I'm divorced now. I know you said that the father is involved BUT please use caution with him. I don't mean to sound so distrustful but again here is my story...my daughter's father was great during the pregnancy. He didn't miss one single prenatal appointment, bought things for me and the baby, insisted that he was in it for the long haul....but within 3 months of her birth (sorry for being a little graphic) he was sleeping with every female that looked at him. Obviously, I broke it off as soon as I found out and then learned that he had cheated while I was pregnant too. Anyway to make a long, LONG, story short, he barely ever paid child support like he was supposed to, didn't see her at all for two years, only saw her a few times a year from then until she was six, decided he wanted her every other weekend even though she didn't really know who he was, kept that up whether she liked it or not for 1 1/2 years before he started losing interest, went back and forth on whether or not he wanted to see her and whether or not he wanted to pay support, claimed he was sick and disabled to get out of it, and then finally a year ago (when she was 10 1/2)he blew up at her one night because he claimed she didn't call him dad enough (!!!) and I mean a major blow up. He hasn't seen her since and she wants nothing to do with him. So my point is (and yes, LOL that really was making the story short!) be cautious with the father. He may turn out to really be great BUT so many times the fathers "freak out" after the baby is born when they realize that it's REAL and they have huge responsibilities. I hope that isn't the case with this father but just prepare in case. Look into custody and child support issues so you'll know what to do if he walks out. Also, on a positive theme, see if there are any parenting or "dad" classes he can enroll in. Being proactive can sometimes make a HUGE difference. I know this was really long but it's just one of those issues that is extremely close to my heart. I wish you all the best!
@lburns70 (182)
• United States
22 Jul 07
Thanks for the advice. I will talk to my husband about these things. As for the father of the baby, I kind of wish he wasnt in the picture. Emotionally he has been there for her but not financially. He keeps telling me he has a job but really doesnt. I am paying for everything for the baby so I said that it would be nice if he would help out aroundthe house, sort of repayment. Yeah right, that hasnt happened. Whatever is meant to be will be.
@paulsy (1263)
• Philippines
20 Jul 07
Oh my gosh, that is so scary! My baby is turning 15 in a few months! It's good to know that your daughter is doing well with this. But how are you? I know for sure it's tough for you. It really scares me. I guess, you need to be stronger now. Much, much stronger than you used to be. She needs you now, more than ever. It really may be difficult for the rest of the family to accept the situation. But your strength will make her strong too. She needs the support because she is actually about to take a responsibility that she might not be ready for yet at her age. I wish you more power and may you always be wise and strong for your daughter. Good luck!
@lburns70 (182)
• United States
20 Jul 07
I am being supportive for her. It just really hard for my husband, who is her step father. His insurance wont pay for the baby and we make to much for Medicaid so now we are paying for this out of our pocket. He is borrowing against his retirement to help with the costs. I am upset but tickled to be a grandma. It was bad timing. She came to me and asked for me to get her an appointment to get on the pill. We went and got the perscription and had to wait for her next period which never came. So in December we will have a beautiful baby boy.
• Canada
6 Aug 07
I have a fifteen year old daughter now and can't imagine her pregnant but if she was there would be nothing I would be able to do about it except help her though this the best I knew how . When my husband and I first got together he was almost sixteen and I had just turned eighteen . We were only together a couple of months when I found out I was pregnant . I was terrified at how to tell my parents and even contemplated ending my life as I was so scared of their reaction . I ended up miscarring that child and never did have to tell my parents but what I have never forgot about the experience was that my husband told his mother that we were going to have a baby . I had never met his mother before and she told her son that she wanted to talk to me , just her and I . I was terrified at the prospect of meeting his mother this way but went anyway . I will never forget her sitting me down and telling me that although she was sad at the way things had turned out and that we were so young to have to go through something such as this and would miss out on so much in life because of this but that what was done could not be erased and all everyone could do was to deal with the situation and except it for what it was and that meant that her son and I were going to be young parents and she was going to be a grandmother . She asked me if I was going to keep the baby and I told her yes that I would never be able to even consider giving up my child . She then told me that although she didn't have much money financially that she would support both of us in our decisions and would love this child as much as she loved another grandchild she already had . She welcomed me into the family and told me that if I ever needed someone to talk to that she would always be there to listen to me and that she still loved us even though we may not have made the best decisions . That no matter what was done could not be undone and the best we could do now was to love this child the same way we would love any other child . She was so right in what she said . You can't change what has already happened and all you can do is cope the best way you know how with the situation and when you love your child you love them unconditionally even when they make mistakes . I have always tried to live by this example with my children . I love them and support them for who they are and all I can do is hope that they will not make the same mistakes we did and have to go through the tough times that we did because even though we lost that child we ended up having our first daughter a year later . We were still very young and had a lot of struggles but with family like my mother in law we were able to pull through any tough times we had and are a much stronger family today . Best of luck to both you and your daughter !!