Abortion, adoption, who are you to tell me what to do with my body?

United States
July 21, 2007 2:59am CST
I haven't been on mylot very long but people discussing abortion and adoption are driving me nuts!!! I am 21 years old. At 17 I graduated high school and started college. I was no longer allowed to live with my parents, so I moved in with my new boyfriend, David. Who was extremely abusive. Mentally, physically, sexually. At first I had no where to go so I stayed with him. Then he had worn me down so much i thought no one would want me, that I was nothing without him. By this time he had quit his job and I was supporting both of us. I was 18 he was 24. I had since dropped out of college because my boyfriend was afraid I would meet other guys there and to keep from being beat I complied. The summer after I turned 18 I ended up pregnant with his baby. Life was horrible with him and I was not going to bring a baby into that. So I had an abortion. I still feel guilty about it, but I do not regret it. I did not tell David as I knew he would be angry and I just told him I miscarried. There were many other nights where he would force himself on me and the next day I would be late to work and go get the morning after pill. I was prescribed birth control several times but if David found it he would be furious. I think he saw getting me pregnant as a way to keep me from ever leaving him. The following december I ended up pregnant again. I did not want to have another abortion. The first time David beat me up while I was pregnant I knew I had to leave him because he would abuse our baby. I had no where to go, no friends, no family to count on, and so I called my first kiss in high school. His family had always been comfortable and he was a real nice guy so I told him what was going on and while David was in jail (again) he helped me get a new apartment. I started bleeding whenever I stood up for any period of time and my doctor told me I had pre-eclympsia, and that I ran the risk of miscarrying and/or having a stoke. I was on complete bedrest. I could no longer support myself. I could not continue working, and as I was already having a hard time making ends meet I had no money saved up. I did get on foodstamps and had my medical paid for, but could not get housing assistance right away. Oh and David was out of jail and making threats on my life to everyone I knew for leaving him. He was not giving me any support. I truly I had no options at this point. At 5 months pregnant I contacted an adoption agency. They moved me into their housing and provided me with all of the things I needed. I matched with an adoptive family that I had not yet met and had agreed to place me son with them. I had named my son, but this family also wanted to name their son. I was very lucky because the adoptive mother and I bonded and became close friends. We decided to pick the baby's name together, her first and my middle. Not only the mother, but the father and their other children and some extended family and I met before the birth. The mother and I visited a lot and grew closer as friends. At the birth I had them in the delivery room and the father cut the baby's umbilical cord. We stayed in a two room suite for a few days after the baby was born so we could all spend time together and with the baby. I had already signed away my rights as my son's mother. I was legally a stranger to him now. He is now 22 months old and is thriving with his adoptive family. His mother and I still talk a LOT and we visit whenever we can find the time. My son knows my name and his mother tells him I love him and that he is adopted, hopefully he will never feel his life is a lie. A high percent of adopted children do have emotional problems, and we hope to avoid that by ensuring him that he was never unwanted or unloved. I am satisfied knowing that he has a loving family. It has taken me a long time to be okay with my decision to place him. It was the worst thing I had ever been through. I honestly could not place another child and survive with any sanity left. I am glad I gave my son the opportunity to have a good life. I do not regret the abortion I had had previously. His adoptive family and I have of course had our ups and downs as any relationship will have. I would have another abortion before I EVER placed another child for adoption. And I have that right thanks to the United States Supreme Court. And no one on here has the right to stop me, the only right you have is to talk bad about my decisions but until you are willing to help all the pregnant women who are unable to provide for their children then you should just shut up.
5 people like this
10 responses
31 Jul 07
Wow what a story, i wish you nothing but luck for the future. I hope this goes a long way to stopping people going on about the options available to women, it just goes to show that most of the time these people say women shouldn't get them selves pregnant blah blah blah but men can have a big impact on the decision as well. Thanx for a well written, emotive honest post.
• United States
3 Aug 07
Thanks for your comment. People do say a lot of crap, but most of them don't realize that the problem is much bigger than they could ever comprehend.
• United States
30 Jul 07
it sounds like you made the right chioce for you and the babies. you have been through alot in your life but you were smart enough to do what was right for you and a child that had no way of making a choice. people dont relize how hard it is to make that chioce alot of times. i have been on all sides of the fence and i cant and will not tell a person what they should do with there body, there child, there life. i hope that you are able to fogive not forget though. see that is my way of life always forgive but never forget cause each thing you have done in life , been through, or seen may help someone else no matter how good or bad it is. share your life with others so they can find the answers for them.
• United States
3 Aug 07
I'd like to be the example for others that, yes, you can make mistakes, and things can be horrible for a while, but you've just got to make your own way.
@aries_0325 (3060)
• Philippines
12 Jan 08
That is a very disgusting story and I think that is a better way to adopt you son that to abort him. Because it will give him a better life to his new family. Abortion is an absolutely wrong and it is a crime of murder. And absolutely I am not favor for this. And I think the fetus have life and like us she/he have a right to see this wonderful world.
@maximax8 (31053)
• United Kingdom
29 Jul 07
It is great that you have written up your experiences of abortion and adoption. I am so very sorry that your boyfriend David gave you such an abusive relationship. You did what you thought was right for you at the time. I am so pleased that you gave a dear little boy a happy life with an adoptive family.
• United States
3 Aug 07
But see its not just about me, or my son, r my ex, its about the fact that people try to say that this and that are right or wrong, when they have no idea whats going on. It about how I had options and I used them and every woman should have that right. I still feel I made the best decisions in my situation.
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
21 Jul 07
You have had a tough time so far. But have learned much! I hope your life gets better from here on. I totally agree that Women should have complete control of their bodies. Its called "Womens Rights" and we have it here in Canada. Thanks for Sharing!
• United States
21 Jul 07
Thank you, and my life has improved very much. I am with my friend from high school, and I am in college now and see a psych doctor to work out my issues. I still don't know what I'm going to college for but maybe it should be something like womens rights, because this sure is my hot button!!
@zabawaus (1730)
• United States
31 Aug 07
I am so much agree with you. As a woman having a baby or having an abortion is something only woman can decide. Now even the man involve. I am sure man will get mad at me . But they are not the ones will carry the baby 9 months. It should be exactly women's decision.
@shoelover (896)
• Australia
21 Jul 07
Wow you have been through so much at a young age. I am sorry you've found life so hard and I am sure the choices you made were the best that could be done in that situation. I am not going to badmouth you or anything as you have been through quite enough. I only hope your life is going to get easier for you. Please take care of yourself.
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
30 Aug 07
I am an adoptive mother and I gave my only birth child for adoption. You see in the 1950s, adoption was regarded as abortion then. Girls were told they had to give up their babies, that life would be better for them, but at the same time were told that we were bad girls, not out right but by attitudes. There are so many of us who have been hurt, and because we were told to keep quiet, some of us did not dare date unless we were sure the man would forgive our past, so we were on pins and needles. People assume that if a girl aborts a baby, in your case, she is against adoption, or if a girl gives up her baby for adoption, that she has a cold heart and would be more in favor of abortion than one who kept her baby. I just want you to see that you need not let your situation control you and I hope that when and if you get pregnant again, you will be allowed to keep your baby. I wish I had been allowed to keep mine.
• China
29 Aug 07
iam sorry for your experience, i dont know whether your experience is common in your country, but here it is a very very rarely thing. i think you are a strong girl, you experienced too much for you age. good luck for you
@jalbeos (1175)
• Philippines
24 Jul 07
Sad to hear the story but you've made the right decision. You've got no other choice. "no one here has the right to stop me, the only right you have is to talk bad about my decisions but until you are willing to help all the pregnant woman who are unable to provide for their children then you should just shut up." I do agree with this statement. Thanks for sharing. ~mar