Do you resent your baby

Resentment over labor pains often occurs when a mother enters a physiologic/psychological state of being overwhelmed by pain during labor without relief. When overwhelming pain occurs in labor, without being recognized, a mother may have an undiagnosed psychotic break--and resent her baby for pain of childbirth. This is never intentional.

This discussion is my forum to hear from women who feel this way. I am researching for a book I am writing. I have talked to many women over 30 years' time who weep to admit they feel this way. Yes, a psychotic break can occur. Read Brooke Shields' book about her own experiences with postpartum depression. She did resent her baby...

I still can't comprehend it. I am making the assumption that most of these cases are the result of natural childbirth. And the mother unwillingness to seek relief. And if that is the case, then the resentment should be at themselves and not at the child, The mother was the one that made the choice not to seek pain relief. Now if it is a phycotic break because of intense pain, then I will give resentment to the women that got stuck in an elevator and gave birth without the medication she was hoping for. But I can't feel sorry for a mother that holds resentment to her child because she didn't seek pain relief. Honestly, I would love to hear from someone that actually feels this way. I am ignorant in this topic, all I have is my opinion. I have never, nor have I ever met anyone that feels this way. I would like to hear honest expierances with this.

my daughter was worth it i never regret doing that

I din't think about that. I guess that is true and would be no ones fault. What is recommended to get over something like that?

Many women who become overwhelmed by pain during labor, resent their babies without deliberately doing so.

Falling in love with baby is beautiful tenderness, isn't it?

Trust me, I totally understand what you are saying. I had a very difficult pregnancy from losing 1 fetus (diagnosed with a double uterus), preeclampyia,56 hrs in labor,2 hours of pushing (even though I was completely dialated, my son couldn't pass thru the anterior lip--I think that's what they called it), and finally emergency c-section. I can see where a woman would resent her baby. Once I got home with him and started to get situated my stitches broke and had to have help for another 2 weeks, so the first 4 weeks of my sons life I was pretty much helpless. I couldn't lift him, carry him, or even walk around to much. They cut me beside my belly button down, not across the bikini area. By that time, post partum started and it felt like it was down hill from there. However, having been through all of that, I don't regret a minute of it. But, some women would and I get that. I can tell you I DO NOT want to do it again. I am a "mother of mature age" (as my doctor describes me) lol

Babies ARE worth everything! Yet resenting one's baby does not mean babies are not worth it!

Sometimes a pregnant mother in labor experiences unrelenting pain. Pain tolerance is different for each person, and is different in all circumstances. Sometimes the normal stresses of labor combine with lack of sleep, hunger, fear of the unknown, being in a strange place (a hospital), and other factors, too many to address in this one post--these things combine to make physiologic labor contractions of the uterus feel so painful that edges blur. A woman may not know where one contraction stops and the other contraction begins. This is especially true of pitocin augmented contractions. Contractions begin to feel like ONE BIG never ending contraction. A woman becomes overwhelmed by pain. Unrelenting prolonged unrelenting pain may lead to an undiagnosed psychotic break (this does not mean a woman goes "crazy" per se) and contributes to postpartum depression and/or the continuum leading to postpartum psychosis. It's not intentional. It doesn't make a mother "bad". It happens. If this description brings tears to your eyes, or maybe an "aha!" feeling, please post. I'm doing research for my new book. I already self publish a book I wrote called "Avoiding Overwhelming Pain in Labor. I'll post a sample chapter. Here's my homepage link, keep checking. http://www.auntienatal911.com

I know how you feel, thank you for responding.

Thank you for your reply.

Hello, all! I'm commenting here because I have noticed on my other discussion posts there's alot of NEGATIVE JUDGEMENT about women who feel resentful of baby because of pain in childbirth. Feeling resentful does NOT mean a mom doesn't love her baby. I desire this to be a SAFE place to share feelings, perhaps there's a mom or two out there who will not share because she is intimidated by others' judgements! However, it is NOT for you nor I to JUDGE! So, please, be kind and compassionate!

Sometimes when women become overwhelmed by pain during labor, contractions loose their definition, and feel like ONE BIG CONTRACTION that never stops. Continual overwhelming pain may lead to many things, including post traumatic stress syndrome, which is now being recognized in childbirth trauma for mothers. This trauma, a physical and emotional state of being, may lead to a mom resenting her own baby but not realizing why. THIS IS A SAFE PLACE for us to explore our feelings, so let's please be gentle with one another and respect the courage it takes to admit innermost feelings. Thank you!

Thank you for responding.

What a sweet baby!

This is very sound comment, I agree, it is common, and a mother needs to tell the doctor.

A lot of women go through it, but don't like to admit it. It's normal.

thank you...

Thank you for responding, what a cute smile on your avatar baby!

Welcome to the inner circle of "those who know"! I experienced labor and birthing as being transendental.

The only transcendental thing about it was that I was transcending my own body, I actually thought I was out of my own body and that I wasn't really there....weird stuff. I wish I hadn't been quite so freaked out. I thought I was gonna die. Next time I will know that it is normal.

I had my first child at 22 and my third at 32. I noticed a big difference in myself, not only that I had experience, but I was more mature and patient.

Resentment of the baby for pain of childbirth is a consequence of becoming overwhelmed by pain during labor, and not a choice anyone would make. Its not a conscious choice, but it does happen. So many respondants are kind of hostile to this question, it makes me wonder...

thank you for responding!

Hi dragonflyfli, Thanks for being so honest! These are very normal feelings, you're not alone!

My goodness, I understand! Yet our changing bodies are our badges of womanhood as we grow through the cycles of life! Wear yours proudly!

ok

Hi! There is a physiological and psychological state of being called being overwhelmed by pain...which may lead a mom to resent her baby without choosing to.

Thank you for responding. Were you in pain for weeks after surgery? I hear from some women the pain lasts a very long time.

Yes, the pain of physiologic childbirth fades, or we'd never have another baby! Yet for some women, for different reasons, especially when they are exhausted from a long start and stop labor, isolated from loved ones' support, in a strange environment (of a hospital), and with lowered pain thresholds because of these reasons, fears, anxieties--then perhaps an augmentation of labor with pitocin--the failure of an epidural--to some women, these experiences result in a physiologic and psychological state of being overwhelmed by pain.