I had a Miscarriage two weeks ago and I Feel So Lost.
July 24, 2007 11:13pm CST
I was seven weeks along when My husband and I found out I had Miscarried. I went to the hospital because I had some heavy bleeding. The doctor did an ultrasound and said that our baby had no heart beat. Then, she preceeded to tell me that I was probably having a miscarriage. I had never had this happen to me before. I have two other children, so this was not my first child. The doctor was incompassionate about the whole situation. She told me that I was lucky that I had never had a miscarriage until now. She said that mostly all women have had one. She sent me home to continue to miscarry and she sent me home with no discharge instructions. I did not know what to do. My husband was devestated. I was so upset and hurt. I could not believe that this was happening to me. I was going through so many emotions all at once. I Felt so lost. I felt like I would never be happy again. I felt Isolated from my husband. He did not want to greive with me. The night I lost the baby we got in a big argument and he left me and came back late that night. His sister called to let me know that he was at her house. I could not believe my husband just left me to bleed. I was bleeding so much that my clothes had a lot of blood on them. I cried and cried until I became numb. I felt so isolated and like a peice of me died with her. I also felt that our marriage died too. When I went to the doctor's office for my appointment, all of the staff treated me so cold. Not one person told me they were sorry for my loss. Everybody just avoided me. They did not care that I lost my baby. They treated me like it happens all of the time, but what they did not know is this was my first time and I needed comforting. Being in the Healthcare feild for ten years I could not believe how cold the nurses were. Even though I feel a little better, I still think about her everyday and sometimes out of the blue I will cry because I lost her. I feel like I need to talk about my feelings, but my husband has pushed me to get passed it. Our marriage is doing better, but that night he left me when I needed him the most hurt me very deeply. I almost left my husband because of this. I really need someone to talk to who understands. If there is someone out there who has went through this please talk to me. I am hurting so deeply.
2 people like this
25 Jul 07
Hi Cassie, I am really so sorry for ur loss. I can understand your pain to the fullest extent as i've had two miscarriages in a row and i am still trying to become pregnant.We all start to develop emotions for our unborn little ones since the time we know we r pregnant.i was also devastated after the second one and i am still grieving for not being able to experience motherhood.But pl console yourself that you already have children and hence you might not have any serious health condition behind ur miscarriage.Be positive and dont add up to your misery by arguing about your husband's reaction. Men are different and they dont react the same way as we do.may be he wanted to take time out to digest the thing.Remember he will also be equally upset.Give him his time to recover and talk to him about this sometime later. Good Luck for your next pregnancy !
• United States
25 Jul 07
Thank you for you kind words. We did talk about it and He was greiving. He told me he wanted to fix things and he could not, so he was trying to stay strong and hold things together. Things are better since we have talked. He told me he was hurt because we lost our child and seeing me go through what I did tore him apart because it was nothing he could do to fix it.
26 Jul 07
I very sorry that you lost your child. There are several points to consider e.g. first you remained strong, despite all the odds. Regarding the child it is best to think that he/she is with the Almighty God whose ways are higher than our ways. In the Bible, God has taken David's child to Bathsheba. David fasted for the child but when God took the child he ate food thus acknowledging God's action on the matter that God saved David from all the troubles likewise God has saved either you or the child from any trouble that might come. Now that your marriage is doing better, I believed your husband has been sorry for his actions and is also recovering from the loss. The important thing is the family is intact and you can trust God for the future. We had the same experience, my wife had a miscarriage last 9th of May 2007. Health care professionals did not satisfy our need in that hospital at 3 a.m. since my wife is experiencing terrible pain we managed to go to another hospital and by God's grace medical professionals attended to her very well. Like David's life application we believed that God's ways is higher than our ways, now my wife and the whole family has fully recovered believing that our baby (like your baby) is an angel in heaven.
25 Jul 07
Oh you poor thing, it is a very traumatic thing for a woman to go through and other people will not understand until it happens to them, it is a human failure really, but because this has happened to you , you will understand and be able to help people in the future, your little baby was not ready for this world yet but will be back when the time is right but has left you with something, compassion, which I believe usually only the people who have suffered has, maybe this is the way that compassion is spread...good luck to you and remember that little baby will be back one day.... :)
• United States
21 Sep 07
I'm really sorry for your miscarriage and I understand what you went through as I just had a miscarriage a month ago. I can't describe how sad I felt. But I was kind of prepared to it because my sister had a miscarriage herself and my mother also. But still it hurt. Now I'm trying to focus on the next time. I hope everything goes well for all of us. God bless.
• United States
25 Jul 07
I'm sorry you had a miscarriage. I had one myself so I know what you are going through. I will break down for you while you are feeling the way you are and why people react as they do. 1) Your body is in a huge hormonal upheaval. Because of this you are feeling much more out of sorts so try to put things into perspective when you acknowledge this. Of course, you have to grieve over your loss, but understand that although some of the feelings are due to grief, others are hormonal and hopefully this will pass. 2) Your husband is also grieving except not the way you are. My husband also used to escape from my problems with infertility. I was hurt like you, but eventually understood that he had his own way of dealing with his sadness. I had to respect that it wouldn't be the same as mine. Once I got that straight I was able to let go of my frustration at him. 3) Unfortunately, the staff at your doctor's office is probably so desensitized to loss that they forget to acknowledge it to their patients. If you are not happy with how you are treated, consider finding another doctor. Personally, I found someone I could talk to through counseling which was short term. It helped me get past the grief and move forward. Just give yourself a break and understand that grief takes time so take care of yourself and take it one day at a time.
• United States
25 Jul 07
In 1997 my boyfriend at the time and I were on our way to vacation in Mexico. I was 11 Weeks along at the time. We made it as far as Tennessee and had to turn back because I started feeling very ill. By the time we got back into Pennsylvania, having stopped at rest stops at least six to eight times, I was exhausted and had been bleeding for hours. I had not wanted to go to a hospital because I knew what they would tell me... that I was losing my baby. We made it into Harrisburg and my boyfriend talked me into going to the emergency room there. By that time I was having very heavy bleeding and severe cramping. When I arrived, they put me in the waiting room but I went to the restroom because of the cramps and saw how badly I was bleeding. I just lost it and started screaming for someone to help me. At that point, they put me in a room and wouldn't let my boyfriend go in with me. I was terrified. This was not only my first (and only, thank God) miscarriage, but also my first pregnancy. They gave me nothing to stop the bleeding. I tried to sit on the bed but was bleeding everywhere and was so scared. I kept opening the door screaming down the hallway for someone to help me. After what seemed like a very long time, a nurse finally came in the console me. They discharged me after a few hours that night and told me to go home and rest. They had asked me if I had passed the fetus. As if I was supposed to know what that would look like, or even wanted to know. Since they did not find a fetus, they told me that I had had an empty sac and that there had never been a baby at all, but I did not believe them. For almost a year after that I felt empty inside, but I had managed to get pregnant again and my son is now 9 years old and healthy. I also have a daughter who is healthy and do not plan on having anymore children. I am happy now, but it took a long time to get over the pain. My boyfriend at the time was very upset by everything, but he stood by me and agreed to help me overcome the ordeal by trying to have another baby. That is my son who is 9 now. I am not with his father anymore, but have found a good man who gave me my daughter who is now 7. I am so sorry for your loss, and if you need someone to talk to you can add me as a friend and message me anytime day or night. I will always make a point to respond because I know how hard it is to grieve alone.
• United States
25 Jul 07
You've gone through a tramatic experience and no matter what nobody says or do it is still going to hurt. It is sad to say we live in a world of uncaring and insenstive people. I feel your pain, my neice went through a miscarriage at 12 weeks then she concieved again and delivered the baby at 6 1/2 months, the baby lived for three days. She almost considered giving up. Her husband was dealing with the pain of the loss in his own way and was not giving his wife moral support. Through counseling my neice was able to find out that he was hurting just as much as she was even though he didn't have the baby. And he needed someone to comfort him. They were able to comfort each other in the end. About a year later she got pregnant, this time she incorporated a specialist and the specialist gave her cervical stiches to hold the baby in her uterus. She stayed on bed rest and gave birth to a beautiful girl. It was touch and go because she had a lot of fluid. She came weighing in at nine pounds but after all the fluid was drawn off she weighed 7 pounds. My neice pulled through it. And despite it all she still recalls and mourns the loss of her miscarriage and severly premature baby. Good luck to you and remember don't give up anything is possible.