Moms Survival Tips

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Don't try to live with anyone who insists on alphabetizing your spice rack. If you are lavishly praised, enjoy the taste but don't swallow it whole. After a certain age, if you say something outrageous, everyone will think it's cute. Take advantage of this. Your children may leave home, but their stuff will be in your attic and basement forever. If you wouldn't want to see it in a newspaper or on the evening news, don't do it. Don't let a child with the stomach flu sleep on the top bunk. If you humiliate yourself, be consoled with the thought that you probably made someone else's day . . . maybe even their week. Think of your humiliation as an act of charity. Avoid marrying anyone who deliberately flushes the toilet when you're taking a shower. It's a proven fact that zipping up a small child's snowsuit will cause her to wet her pants. There is no known cure for this. If you want to hide candy bars so you can eat them after the kids are in bed, put the candy in the freezer in a paper bag labeled "Fish." And know when to leave the stage, Like right now. (forwardgarden.com)