The very not so favorite daughter...
July 25, 2007 7:45pm CST
just this morning my mother again make me feel unimportant. There are students who rented the extra room upstairs and Im doing everything to minimize the consumption of either the electricity or the water. I usually make rules for them to follow and I think its my mothers part to let them know about this rules. my mother favors them though. its always "its ok" "yes" "sure." I was about to do my 2 weeks laundry, when one of the renting-people came down and was going to do her laundry as well. I was willing to give her the time slot to do her laundry, instead she carried the bucket to the bathroom and wash there. basically the bathroom is off limits to laundry, because some people might use it, especially it is still school week. I told my mother about it, but she made it looks like it is my fault for not doing my laundry on different day. I told her we can arrange a schedule but she said its me who should adjust.... I am offering a schedule am I not???? This is just one of those things she does that make me feel like unimportant, makes me feel "not her daughter" its fine I just feel sad and bad about it... but this is for sure - I am my fathers daughter, but he is not here anymore and I have to face that....
1 person likes this
26 Jul 07
Yeah, there really are times when we feel like we are not our parents' 'daughter' but maybe you should give your mom a break. She's been through a lot I guess, and the renting-people are very important to her. I know you're hurt, but try to let go. And work hard so that someday you can let go of the hurt. Suggestion though, try not to wash a 2-week load of laundry. Do it frequently to avoid storage plus avoid you using the area for too long. It seems like your mom isn't as open about suggestions right now. And it's difficult for renters to have schedules for laundry, because maybe they're busy and only have unfixed hours or days to do their stuff. So you have to adjust. It's ok if you do laundry everyday but do short ones, so that you won't take up the space for too long. Good luck.
28 Jul 07
"I was actually doing the 2 weeks laundry because it saves much electricity. I want to save water and electricity at the same time. By the way my mother never listen to any of my suggestions. Thanks for the comment..." Why don't you try doing the everyday little laundry by hand. I mean if you really want to save and steer clear away from using the space too much, you should at least take a little sacrifice. :) I wash my personal laundry almost everyday, by hand. I only use the washing machine for the thick clothing like pants. If you mom never listen to your suggestions then don't suggest anymore. :) Live your life, do your best to leave that place, that should be motivation enough. We can't really control our parents, they have a mind of their own and they're much much more hard headed than us, so if regardless what you do, she doesn't seem to react positively, then let it go. Only time could make her realize how much hurt she has caused you. Good luck to the relationship.
• United States
26 Jul 07
I can identify with you. My mom has done me that way too. It is very hurtful, isn't it? The truth is these tenants probably care nothing about her, at least not as much as you do. You are a good daughter for looking out for her whether she realizes it or not.
26 Jul 07
i think ur hurt with ur mom not reciprocrating ur feelings.since things seems tough i guess the same goes for ur mom.try appreciating the little efforts she puts in,like complementing her cooking etc.then she'll start to understand this is the same thing u expect of her. one more thing ur not unimportant.ur mom will feel very hurt if she finds out about it...don't lose hope i'm optimistic things will definitely change for better.bye.
26 Jul 07
oh dear, so sorry that you feel this way. i suppose she treats the tenants nicer cos they are paying. and asian parents tend to treat outsiders better. ever read 'the joy luck club' by amy tan? that's a good depiction of how they think and behave. but I'm sure she loves you deep down inside. sorry to hear about your father too. take care and don't let her attitude get to you! we are only as unhappy as we allow others to make us, chin up and cheer up!
27 Jul 07
I love joy luck club... I just saw the movie version of it days ago. its not just a one time thing. It has always been like that. I was the least child she tend to. I have great times with her maybe because she needs something from me. Like to assist with taking care of all the people living in our house. I dont want to make a big deal of little things but if I add it all up it says something least about her feelings towards me. Thanks anyways.