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Do you hate to see your friends happy when you are sad?
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
United States
July 28, 2007 7:11am CST
One of my online friends just broke up with her boyfriend and she is totally miserable. It happened a few weeks ago, but she still feels down in the dumps. She acts like she will never again find another man. And, I'm always telling her that she is better off with someone else, cause her ex did not treat her very well. He was totally inconsiderate and only thought of himself.
And, now she is accusing me of the same thing. Most times I can barely speak of my own family or happiness or she gets mad at me and tells me that I am just bragging and should be more sensitive. She acts like I don't deserve to be happy. I'm not bragging, but we do have a really good life and I love to talk about my family. My life has not always been happy, so now that it is, why shouldn't I be able to enjoy it? Why shouldn't I share the happy news from my day?
It's breaking my heart. Just because she is going through some bad times, doesn't mean that everyone else should suffer and be unhappy, does it? Does everyone do this to their friends?
Is it fair to expect friends to be unhappy when you are sad? Do you feel mad when you see that your friends are happy after you go through a really bad break-up?
5 people like this
13 responses
@DanaMark (807)
• United States
28 Jul 07
It is hard to see others happy when we are miserable. At the time it seems like nothing will ever go right. We don't want to hear about other's happiness, or even see them smile some times. That usually happens at the beginning stage of the "miserable feeling" process.
Later it gets better. But for a while we just go through a "pity party" stage. If you can stand it, what people usually need at that point is just someone to listen to them. You can ask questions to clarify. You can repeat some of their concerns. That shows them you are interested. In a sense you join their pity party for a little while. That will help them get through the miserable stage and begin to feel better again so you feel like you can tolerate them again.
Hearing about someone's misery gets old fast. If this is a friend you want to keep, that might be what you need to do. Stick with her. It might be a little more difficult since it is an online friend. I've never tried this with an online friend before. Maybe you can break new ground here.
2 people like this
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
28 Jul 07
Very good advice indeed! I will bookmark this page and use this advice often. I am often called upon to be the shoulder to cry upon for many online friends. And, I do not want to disappoint! Thanks again.
1 person likes this
@cynddvs (2948)
• United States
28 Jul 07
I had a friend who did exactly the same thing to me. She was going through a divorce because she cheated on her husband. And she wanted me to feel sorry for her and got all mad when I would talk about my family. Like you I love talking about my family. It's not that I'm bragging. But we are a relatively happy family and I'm proud of that. I mean I'm all about being there for my friends when they are going through a hard time. But when they try to drag me down with them that's when I have to quit hanging out with them. My family means to much to me to get all depressed about someone elses problems. I believe that your friends should be happy for you when you are happy and be there for you when you are sad. But friends should never try to drag each other down. That's not a true friendship.
2 people like this
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
28 Jul 07
My other best friend went through a really bad patch and she ended up doing the same to me. I guess it's hard not to tell all the bad stuff in your life when you feel so bad. But, it had started affecting my own personal family life, so I had to stop talking to her everyday. I didn't want to be a bad friend, but when my own home life started to suffer, I had to make a choice.
1 person likes this
@aliasad (1567)
• Pakistan
28 Jul 07
Hi Beautyqueen! This is very sad to learn even about your friend and I feel that your friend is doing wrong. She must, first of all admit that his ex friend was not much capable of carrying on the relation and being a selfish person, she would lest have face some hard time too. She must thank God being free from such selfish and ignorant person, isn't it!
As far as her attitude with you is concerned, she should not forget that best friends are very hard to find. I think, she is passing through some sad moments and her mental position is in shock. Let yourself wait and try to re-concile her. While somebody is looser, surely he/she will be sad in itself and quite possible would commit likewise.
Don't be unhappy while looking your friend's behavior, she will be okay after healing up the shock. I would like to say "Good Luck" to you and lets celebrate your happiness "Cheers!!"
@mummymo (23706)
•
29 Jul 07
Of course it is not fair to treat your friends in this way honey and I know she is hurting but that does not mean that she can expect you to feel miserable too and to not want you to be happy! When I am down it makes me feel better to know that my friends are happy and it also gives me hope that things will get better for me too! I hope everything works out well sweets I really do and you have to know that you are doing nothing wrong! xxx
1 person likes this
@beautyqueen26 (16030)
• United States
31 Jul 07
I guess I'm being too tough on a heart broken friend. She can't help herself, but I can. I have the power to be there for her when she needs me. I should not turn my back on someone who is desperately crying out for help. Grief can happen even if it's just the end of a relationship. Healing will take time. I should be more understanding.
1 person likes this
@mermaid911 (798)
• Philippines
28 Jul 07
This is very unfair for friends but we know that this is a very normal reaction. We can understand why she's going through all these emotional imbalance. It would be difficult to control yourself from feeling bitter. This can happen to us sometimes. And we know that we will just regret this action later on. At this point just understand your friend and do not mind so much what she tells you. She will regret these things later on. Just try hard to be kind to her and yes, be sensitive too. If there are joys you want to share, share it with other people. People face their problems differently. This is how she faces her problems. I don't face my problems this way but I sure feel irritated sometimes if people are celebrating when Im really feeling low. But it would be too much to ask your friends to mourn for you too.
2 people like this
@zhengdafeng (130)
• China
28 Jul 07
everyone has sad and happy~~now or then~~no one could have the pefect life~so just adjust the life
2 people like this
@navtech (1773)
• India
29 Jul 07
Dear beautyqueen26, From your discussion it is clear that your friend is jealousy person. In case she is leading a happy life she would not have been telling that you are bragging. I feel that you should cut off her friendship. In friendship there is room for jealous feeling.
@wooitsmolly (3613)
• United States
28 Jul 07
If I am sad and going through something like a breakup I do expect a certain amount of sympathy from my friends. I feel that I might deserve a day or two to just talk to them and complain and have someone to listen. But I do not expect them to be unhappy like me! It's no fun to sit in misery and it sounds like that is what your friend is doing. She doesn't want to give herself a chance to be happy right now.. and you know what they say, misery loves company! If she isn't happy, nobody can be happy. I have friends like that. You can try and try, but they have to want to be in a better mood in order for it to happen. If I were you I would hold off talking about myself until she starts to feel a little better. How recent was the breakup?
@nikko84111 (368)
• China
29 Jul 07
i think if if it is me~
i don't show that i hate to see them happy~
but i will be sad if i am unhappy and my friends showing their happiness~
i remember that one day i failed in the exam~
and i feel really sad
but my friends pass it, they are happy and forget that i failed~
they celebrate for it and ignore me
then i feel sad and unhappy~
@gr8life (6251)
• Malaysia
28 Jul 07
Hello beautyqueen26,
I feel pity for you. It isn't wrong if you are happy and you want to share that with your friends but I could understand why your online friend didn't think so... She just broke up and she felt like it is not fair for you to share your happiest moment with her while she is depressed. But for me, the intention to tell them about good and happy things in life is just to make them happy and will forget about the sadness. Definitely when any of our friends is depressed, we will not tell them more and more sad stories to make them more and more depressed and sad. I will not feel mad at my friend for telling me her happy moment while I am sad but definitely I do feel a bit jealous ... and that's it.
1 person likes this
@lavenderbloom (1057)
• United Arab Emirates
29 Jul 07
See, Even if she is your friend, now the situation is different. You online friend is unhappy. So, I think it is not the right time to discuss about ur happiness with someone who is already unhappy. Atleast the best u can do is stay away from her fro few days if you feel that your friendship is hurting both of you. Give her some time to accept the fact. You may have other friends too with whom you can share your feelings. So, share your happiness with someone who are ready to listen. Take care.
@blk_princess (108)
• Northern Mariana Islands
29 Jul 07
no i dont feel that way because i may seem like i am jelous and i dont like to feel that way.....
