He's Found Out! Not My Finest Hour

@wolfie34 (26790)
United Kingdom
July 28, 2007 6:15pm CST
As I write this I think I am a stupid fool, and I only have myself to blame! When I came back from the gym I had found out that he had gone into my bedroom and read my personal diary, hence finding out that I was going to leave him in October! The shite well and truly hit the fan! The confrontation I had been avoiding was unavoidable, however he was not as angry because he was in the wrong, he had treated me like a child by reading my personal diary he had NO right whatsoever So today he's been playing the bad guy, good guy routine. He's either going off about having to rehome the cats, wishing he was dead and he's got no life and no one wants him. Then he's all over me like a rash can't do enough for me! It's been a gut-wrenching day, although part of me thinks it's better that it's out in the open and partly a relief. I am looking at it positively out of bad comes good and all that I do feel numb, I do feel sick inside and I'm not sure if the next couple of months will be hell or easier, knowing that he knows he'll double his efforts to get me to stay. I do blame myself because I am stupid enough to keep a diary and ok I shouldn't have left it around, even if it was in my bedroom. Now he wants a meeting tomorrow, but at least it'll be civil. The honesty has gone on both sides. He had to discuss it with me and was sorry it happened on his birthday... Certainly not my finest hour and it has knocked me for six!
8 people like this
17 responses
@raydene (9874)
• United States
29 Jul 07
Honey I think in the end this is better. Please tell him why you are leaving. This may help him change and get his life in a better light. Now you can go forward without always looking around to see if you'll get found out. Sweets just keep focusing on the fact that you know what you are doing. You have a plan and goals you have set for yourself. I am so very proud of you my friend because you will succeed! Love u Buddy xoxoxo
5 people like this
@wolfie34 (26790)
• United Kingdom
29 Jul 07
That's what my dad said, it's good that it's in the open then I can relax more and just tell him what he needs to know and keep it clear and know at the end of the day you are leaving end of...
3 people like this
@maddysmommy (16232)
• United States
28 Jul 07
He had no business reading your diary, and that is what he gets when he does. Unfortunately he found out, and now he knows, not your fault, he read something personal and he shouldn't of. I don't know the background behind all of this, but I hope it sorts itself out. At least he knows, and it's a big relief for you in a way, now comes the part where it all happens. Getting through it until you do go. Sorry to hear that and I hope the meeting goes well for both of you tommorrow.
4 people like this
@wolfie34 (26790)
• United Kingdom
28 Jul 07
Thank you, I think the fact that he read my diary and knew he was in the wrong, made the confrontation slightly easier, and yes it's all out in the open, although it'll be much much harder.
2 people like this
@mummymo (23707)
29 Jul 07
He had no right to read your diary in that way little bro - I was so angry when I found out he had done that! I have to agree though that it is probably better that everything is out in the open and you do not have to feel so careful! I am thinking of you sweets and I know that although it will be hard but you are a lot stronger now and I know that you will cope and remain upbeat - remember your big sis will help fight your corner any time you need me! Hugs Honey xxxx
3 people like this
@wolfie34 (26790)
• United Kingdom
29 Jul 07
Thank you sis, and thank you for just being there when I needed you! He's now walking on eggshells with me. When I see you I have lost count of the amount of hugs I owe you! I think in retrospect and all my friends and family have now said yes it is better that it's out in the open, make things a lot a harder, but the gold is highly prized at the end of the rainbow so it's worth it xxxx
2 people like this
@mummymo (23707)
29 Jul 07
You owe me nothing little bro but I do look forward to the day when we can catch up for real and have real hugs together! I am so glad that you are coping and I know that you are not going to let him erode your confidence or your happiness! Keep strong my darling and remember how much you are loved - by people who would never try to manipulate you! Hugs and love xxx
2 people like this
• United States
29 Jul 07
Rule number one when keeping any secret: NEVER EVER put anything in writing. Live and learn. I was just glad he's not trying to kill you. All this talk of having to watch your back and hide for the rest of your life from this man caused me to think you were dealing with a potential psycho-stalker type of ex.
@wolfie34 (26790)
• United Kingdom
29 Jul 07
Oh yes my friend, definitely a valuable lesson learnt.
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14887)
• United States
28 Jul 07
The best laid plans..., wolfie. I have to wonder, though, if, subconsciously, you left your diary where he could get at it because you wanted him to find out. It's very hard trying to keep a secret over a long period of time. Maybe you just wanted everything out in the open. But how low could he go-sneaking and reading your diary like that? In my opinion, you're better off not living with someone who would do that. It was an all out invasion of your privacy.
@wolfie34 (26790)
• United Kingdom
28 Jul 07
Maybe because I reap what I sow! I was bound to get caught out at some stage and what I was doing is sending out bad karma and I got bad karma in return! So yes you are right maybe I did subconsciously but it was the way he found out. He was feeling insecure, he didn't trust me and wanted the answers from my inner most thoughts. It has also put me off writing a diary from now on...
1 person likes this
@tinamwhite (3255)
• United States
28 Jul 07
If things get too bad you can always go to your parents..do not let him push you around and if there is anyway that you could move sooner...you would still have the ultimate element of surprise...which could work in your favor...if he is still trying to woo you.. I am sorry that you have had to spend most of the day fighting and arguing as I have been there before, my dear friend... Be careful and take care of yourself...xoxo
@wolfie34 (26790)
• United Kingdom
28 Jul 07
Thankfully I am going to my beloved retreat on Tuesday so I will have an escape for two weeks, good timing! Yes I will be spending more time at my parents too, plus a trip to my cousins to see her new baby x
2 people like this
@liranlgo (5748)
• Israel
29 Jul 07
I can not understand this. How does he dare going into your personal stuff and reading your diary. the way you are describing things between you two, he acts like he can do anything, and he does not honor you much by treating you as a child. If i was instead of you, i would go to him and tell him that he is not welcome anymore as a friend or as a roomate, and that he has to find another place to live in.
@wolfie34 (26790)
• United Kingdom
29 Jul 07
It's the other way round my friend, he could easily afford to live here alone I couldn't but he refuses to do so because there's more mileage gained that way from emotional blackmail through losing the cats!
1 person likes this
@mrsbrian (1950)
• United States
29 Jul 07
Just another reason to add to your list,of untrusting childish behavior on his half. I would suggest when you have your talk not to give him to much information about your plans. Let him vent ,let ot roll of your back and cary on with your plans.
2 people like this
@wolfie34 (26790)
• United Kingdom
29 Jul 07
It's on a need to know basis, I only tell him gradually what he needs to know, I've still got aces up my sleeve, he may have won this battle but I will win the war!
1 person likes this
@wooitsmolly (3613)
• United States
28 Jul 07
Obviously, as the other responders have said, he should not have read your diary. He has no right to invade your personal space and no right to hold anything he found against you. At least you seemed somewhat relieved about him finding out. This way there is not so much hanging over you, making you worry and stress... although now you have new stresses, I understand. Honesty feels pretty good though, I bet. I hope all goes well for you and you stay strong... good luck.
@wolfie34 (26790)
• United Kingdom
29 Jul 07
Yes it is good it's out in the open per se, but the circumstances aren't very good in the way he found out, now that he doesn't trust me and I certainly don't trust him!
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
29 Jul 07
Well Sweetie I found this out on the Phone today as I am so behind on everything first of all he had no right at all to go in your Room and read your Diary there is no such thing that it is your Fault because you have a Diary it is his as he broke the trust by going into your Room snooping So there is only one Person to blame here and that is him Now I really hope that things are ok x
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
29 Jul 07
Well I don't blame you Sweetie I really don't but he still should not have invaded your Privacy and just don't let him blackmail you just shout if you need some sanity and you know we are here to give you it Sweet x
1 person likes this
@wolfie34 (26790)
• United Kingdom
29 Jul 07
I am lucky to have mummymo's number, and I have to admit that I did call on my big sis straight away yesterday, as well as the great support from my lovely friends like yourself. I have my retreat in a couple of days that is my sanity!
1 person likes this
@gabs8513 (48710)
• United Kingdom
29 Jul 07
Sweet I am glad that you did as it also gave you the Strength as you know you are not alone x
• Canada
29 Jul 07
It's not that you were stupid enough to keep a diary, it is that he was stupid enough to read it. He is the idiot, not you. You need to quit blaming yourself and tell him off!!! I think a really good reason for you to leave is that you can't trust him, and that he has just proven it!
1 person likes this
@tsgirl01 (900)
• United States
29 Jul 07
Well, sorry that you feel bad but it is not your fault. You know the old saying..."be careful what you ask for" Well for him it is "be careful what you snoop around for" No one has the right to go through your personal diary. You now also know that you cannot trust him, so you are better off leaving him if that is your intention. Sometimes God works in mysterious ways to show us things. Take care of yourself...
@jeanena (2095)
• Bucklin, Kansas
29 Jul 07
Hey Ya wolfie , I am going to agree with everyone else about someone going into your private thoughts like that.It maybe for the best that everything is out in the open. Just dont let him guilt you into anything.It is a shame that someone keeps other people tied in knots like that by threatning to end their life.If it gets bad there dont wait the 2 months get out.
1 person likes this
@lols189 (4797)
24 Aug 07
oh my god i would say he is so nosey and has no right going into your bedroom wolfie and as for looking in your diary that just takes the p**s. i would just get on with it if i was you and dont let anybody hold you back from your plans on moving
@KrisNY (7591)
• United States
30 Jul 07
Oh no- I wondered if he would find out- You did say he has been acting strangley around you- like knowing something was up- so he went looking to find out for himself- Too bad it was on his birthday- He isn't going to hurt you now that he knows will he? I think it will be easier now to move- at least to make sure things are in order- Not so much for having to live with him for that long- I almost think it might be better to move out sooner- Is that possible? Instead of putting yourself through living with the guilt trips!
@eaforeman6 (8983)
• United States
30 Jul 07
That was total intrusion of your privacy and rights. I am sorry to hear that it happened like that. I hope the meeting goes well and that your future will be much brighter,and best of luck on everything.
@aprilgrl (4460)
• United States
30 Jul 07
First he has NO right to read your diary that's personal and second he is not your mother/father. He is doing everything he can to get you to feel bad for him well it's time to tell him how you feel and you are going no mater what and don't listen to him just go "La,la,la,la,la,la" and thisk positive which I know you are thinking positive :) Keep up the good work wolfie.