when people get married, should they lose their individuality too?

Philippines
July 29, 2007 12:37pm CST
there are do's and don'ts once you get married that are not really written and spoken of till you are into it. Is it because once you found out what the rules and restrictions are, you would think twice?
2 people like this
3 responses
@beyond12 (77)
• China
30 Jul 07
Of course not .They should not lose their individuality and go ahead .Marrige is just a combination for a man and a woman ,just their bidies bot not the individuality .If they lose their individuality ,it is a sad fact.
1 person likes this
• Philippines
30 Jul 07
I guess you will only lose it if you allow your spouse to rule what he prefers insesitively to please himself. since the marriage i haven't really gotten to spend time with my sister. her hsuband is keeping her busy with the children and being a wife. you are right..it's a sad thing..
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
29 Jul 07
Actually, I never wanted to get married, because all of the marriages I had seem were atrocities. Either they were marriages that had lasted for a really long time even though there was abused happening, or they were examples like my mother who got married so many times my brother and I started boycotting her weddings. So I thought I didn't believe in marriage, because of all the horrible things I had seen it do to people. That was until my partner said to me that if we got married, our marriage would be its own living being, something we would create ourselves and that could not be influenced by any marriage before or after. That's how he convinced me to marry him, after we had already been together for years. And you know what? I think he's right. I think every marriage is its own creature, and the only rules there should be are the ones you make yourself. I think each couple should come up with their own way of being married, and do exactly what will make the two of them the happiest. That is what my husband and I have done, and so far it is working quite well for us. So, no, we haven't lost our individuality. We are the same people we were before we got married, only now we are a team. =)
• Philippines
30 Jul 07
Is time a big factor whether we lost our individuality or not? Is it possible that you don't notice it yet because its too early to say? my sister is married for 20 years, i remember her wearing short skirts and skimpy tops. she used to be so cool and now it's different. she was told not to wear sexy clothes outside because she's a married woman, that its no longer proper that she visits friends more than once a week since she has him already. it changed her alot, but only after 20 years that she realized she lost her individuality.
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16664)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
30 Jul 07
I suppose I could see what you are saying about it taking time but... If my husband starting telling me what I was and wasn't allowed to do, he would be breaking our marriage vows, which we wrote ourselves. In that case, he would either have to apologize and take back the order, or I would divorce him. I have already had other people (family members, coworkers, nosy old ladies) tell me that I shouldn't do certain things because I am a married woman, but I tell them it's none of their business, because it isn't. My marriage is between myself and my husband.
@jodenton (222)
29 Jul 07
I think there is something true in what you say. A lot of people told me....oh dear...you're getting married you are going to lose your freedom. I laughed at them and thought what a lot of rubbish! I'll still be my own person! That was perhaps a bit naive! The reality is a little different but it is not all bad! My husband doesn't possess me but I find that I don't have as many hobbies as I used to or friends. Part of that is due to the fact we've just bought a house so are skint and are frantically doing it up but also partly because he is my best friend and I don't really want to be anywhere without him, as sad as that may sound!
• Philippines
30 Jul 07
can you say you have lost your individuality somehow? i mean i know you love your husband, but should we forget about what interests us before?
1 person likes this
@jodenton (222)
30 Jul 07
I wouldn't say that I have lost my interests....just perhaps my ability/inclination to practice them if that makes sense.