Has anyone had a best friend turn bad on them?

United States
August 2, 2007 3:44am CST
I have or had I am not sure which right now, but she has been my best friend for 40 years and was even my maid of honor in my wedding and we were going out to the movies - dining - all the girlie stuff together until I asked her to stand up with my hubby and I while we renew our vows. She looked me right in the face and said no because are marrage should have never lasted this long?! My hubby and I are as much in love as the first time we met so I can not figure out why she said this to me. I have been crying for 2 days because of it. I have tried to call her and even went over to her house and she refuses to answer. I sent flowers to her yesterday asking her to call me so we can talk about the problem but still no response. How can I get her to return my invite? We really want to have her in our renewals. At this point I do not think it is jealousy or ignoring a best friend. I just don't know. Any advise? Hugs
4 people like this
14 responses
@diannebcrs (1549)
• Philippines
2 Aug 07
wow - 40 years! i don't think your best friend turned bad on you. since you got to know her and hung out with her for the last 40 years, i'm pretty sure there's an explaination. i'm a lover of romance novels and soap operas. perhaps your best friend knows something that you don't - or feels something terrible about your relationship with your hubby. she's still your best friend. maybe you can email her about how you feel about your situation and then ask her if there's something she'd like to tell you - and you won't get offended or mad about it, and that you'll be open-minded about it.. well, that's just a thought for me. i really hope this helps. God bless!
• United States
2 Aug 07
e-mailing her this morning thanks and hugs
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Aug 07
Its seems like she feels something for your husband??? Oh well If she doesnt want to talk to you right now, if she really is your bestfriend, then GIVE UP! I am not saying that you give up the friendship... Come what may.. Just let her know that you're heart is always open for her.. i mean maybe she doesnt have the courage to tell you whats the problem yet, but as I have said, if she is a reall bestfriend, then when things get good for her, she will be the one to come to you and ask for apology, and YOU as a friend must be there always waiting for her.. Dont let this happening break your friendship.. there must be somebody who will understand the situation and thats you... take care and keep smiling!!
2 people like this
• Philippines
2 Aug 07
now that's an idea. she probably has feelings for your hubby since the beginning, that's why she isn't that supportive. perhaps, you shouldn't push yourself to her if she doesn't want to accept you.. someday, she'll get over it - if she really is a true friend. it's not the years of friendship that count - it's the time when you two valued each other. just be yourself and let time heal your situations. eventually, she'll turn up in your doorstop and ask for forgiveness. good luck with you! and GOD bless!
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Aug 07
My hubby never met her before our wedding dinner before the wedding. But maybe he has said something to her that she has never told me. I will ask hi this morning when he gets up. I will also give her a chance to relive our moments together and reply thanks and hugs
• Philippines
4 Aug 07
That's a possibility. I hope you'll post the outcome. And I hope everything will work out well in your relationships with both your husband and your best friend! Hugs!
@madzie09 (279)
• Philippines
2 Aug 07
wow, that one must felt like tearing and reaping yor heart out... I can't imagine how i'll feel if my bestfriend would do that to me.. well, just give her time to think things over. I don't mean to say things against your friend but I think she's jealous or something. Let her know that no matter what happend she's still your bestfriend if she still refuses to talk..then maybe we should not be too pushy to let talk about this problem. I had once a bestfriend who turned her back on our friendship but I only tried thrice then after she kept refusing and announced to all of our friends her "new" bestfriend, I think she's childish and let her be..since she turned our back on our friendship, I turned back as well but let her know that if ever she runs out of somebody I'm still here waiting for her. I didn't hate her, I respect her rights...if she doesn't want me to be her bestfriend anymore then I won't push it. :) I hope things will work out fine for the two of you not like mine with my bestfriend..Don't forget to pray.. :)
• Philippines
2 Aug 07
i agree with you, madzie. the way i look at it, there's a possibility that her best bud is jealous about the relationship - which can probably be normal. what is selfish is that she won't be happy for her best friend who wants her to be in her renewals.. that doesn't seem right. as for me, there's gotta be an explaination why she's doing all this. i wouldn't waste the 40 years of friendship if i were her.. i'd be blessed to have a best friend that'll last a life time.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Aug 07
thank you both for your responses I think I will her from her today maybe if not then maybe it is her blessings on our friendship. hugs
1 person likes this
• India
3 Aug 07
I am sorry to hear from u.It is really a luck to have very good friend to help us.We have a quotation says "A FRIEND IN A NEED IS A FRIEND IN A DEED".Now a days it is not having any meaning.I came across a friend who is like this,but not with me but with my friend.She used my friend when she was in happiness and left her now becoz she is suffering from some disease and also her financial background went down.
2 people like this
• United States
3 Aug 07
I was thinking that there was something going on with her that she is not yet ready to tell me so I have decided to let her call me and explain herself thanks and hugs
3 Aug 07
Your problem is no way near the problems that I had with my best friend (a girl fried for over 20 years so to speak). I had even lost a huge fortune over it just to draw a line with her. whenever there were bad issues getting in your friendship with someone, even if you made it up, these bad issues always crop up sometime later to break you heart again. My advice, forget about it and move on.
• United States
3 Aug 07
I have decided to let her be and see if she calls me up and explains her remarks. thanks and hugs
• India
2 Aug 07
best friend dosent do like this.if he does than he is not your best friend. and you should ignor him/her.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Aug 07
She has been my best friend since kindergarden and she must want to tell me something but is afraid of doing so and so I am talking to hubby this evening and discuss what he may have sed to her that disappointed her. Or maybe I had sed something but I have never sed anything bad about her as she has been there for me always as I have been there for her. thanks and hugs
• South Korea
2 Aug 07
I'm definately interested to know what comes of your talk with your husband about this situation. But, as for your friend at this point. I feel that a friend should be able to voice their concerns and issues, especially if she could come out and say something so bold. I wouldn't give her so much influence in terms of renewing vowels if she can't express what's going on with her. You may have to let go in order for her to come back around. I know it will hurt, as I am currently not in a good space with my best friend. But, sometimes it's best to not stress over what we cannot control. Best of luck to you. Being in a situation where two of your most important relationships are at stake must be very stressful.
• United States
3 Aug 07
Well my Hubby and I talked last night until around 12:00 midnight and he said while I was on vaction up to my brothers house she had called and he said that I wouldn't be back until the end of July so call back around the 30th. I did come back 3 days earlier then exspected because of a Dr. Appointment but I called her up the next morning and she said that we could do something the next weekend and that is when she said no to our vows. Other then that he said they never spoke?! I am going to let her be for awhile and see if she will call on her own. Hugs
@pendragon (3351)
• United States
2 Aug 07
If she said something that cryptic, maybe she knows things that you do not.Especially if she's acting so weird about explaining.Ask your husband about the situation and gauge what to do by his reaction.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Aug 07
I will be asking him just as soon as we are alone. thanks and hugs
@pendragon (3351)
• United States
2 Aug 07
*hugs* and good luck to you!
• Malaysia
2 Aug 07
your recincilliation idea maybe not working....it is OK. Just hold on and no more searching for her and try to get any third party to act a smediator in your case as it might exacerbate the current situation. Do not bother what ever others saying, focus on your routine jobs....now you are losing energy....regardless wether your are offended or winner. Take as nobody making mistake in this case....gain your energy by talking to new friends and new life development issue..
1 person likes this
• Philippines
2 Aug 07
you have a point, though. i mean, for the time being, just continue what you are doing.. eventually, if your best friend still loves you as her best friend, she'll apologize and then tell you what's going on with her for the last few days.. if not - then i guess there isn't much you can do but pray that she'll realize how much her being in you renewals means to you. if she is a true friend, she'll realize that.
1 person likes this
@Bobbz21 (155)
• New Zealand
4 Aug 07
Well I guess all you can do is wait for her to open up to you and why she is feeling like this towards you and your husband after 40 years of friendship, I think that, thats a long time for your friend to throw away, especially if its not that important to hold back like that.... Maybe your friend is hiding something from you and just does'nt know how to tell you, cos she might be scared to lose a good friend, so rather then lose a friend, she will keep her distant from someone she has known for 40 long years..... I hope your friend comes around and can be honest with you instead of ignoring you. Good luck and godbless.
1 person likes this
• United States
4 Aug 07
It sure was a boring Friday Night without her though but I made the best of it and went down town to a car show and stayed until the end so I could see the fireworks. I used to go with her to these things and thought I might see her there but I did not see her there. I took my grandson with me and we had a blast. Hugs
@kelly60 (4548)
• United States
3 Aug 07
Is it possible that your friend is suffering from some sort of problems that you may not know about? I have a very good friend who turned on me for no apparent reason. She just stopped speaking to me one day, and it was about three months before she ever spoke to me again. As it turned out, she is bipolar, and had gone off of her medications. She decided that she didn't need them, and never even realized what was going on. Suddenly she hated me for no reason, and wanted nothing to do with me. Once she got back on her medications she was fine again.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Aug 07
At this point that is what I am thinking there is something going on in her life that she is not yet ready to talk about. I am going to give her some time and then call to see how she is. hug and thanks
• Canada
3 Aug 07
Something sounds fishy...how was her behaviour before you told her about renewing vows?Maybe she heard something that's not true, regardless she should have confronted you if so.To keep sending flowers...no.I really question her comment towards you,it's something you should find out what does she mean????? Hope it all works out and it was something minor.
1 person likes this
• United States
3 Aug 07
At this point I have no idea as for my hubby knowing he said that he only talked to her once on the phone while I was gone on vacation and told her I would be back at the end of July and to call back then. I will be waiting to hear from her. Hugs
@babykay (2133)
• Ireland
2 Aug 07
It definitely sounds like there is a particular reason why she has said that your marriage should not have lasted. Do you have any idea what this could be? If not, as a friend of yours she owes it to you to tell you. You need to ask her exactly what it is she meant by that particular comment. The way things stand now it seems that you are more upset that she appears to be ignoring you than you are about the implications of that comment. Understandably you are upset about your best friend of so many years turning on you in this way, but if she is a real friend she will clarify what she meant. Stop calling her and chasing after her. Wait till you meet her as I am sure you will if you have friends and interests in common. In the meantime reflect on your relationship. Then ask her coldly and directly what exactly she meant? As I said, if she is any kind of a friend to you at all she will tell you. You deserve to know. Good luck with it.
• United States
3 Aug 07
Thank You. I have decided to wait until she calls me and ask if everthing is alright. Hugs
@nicolec (2673)
• United States
2 Aug 07
Well, let's see. If I've known some one for 40 years and consider them my best friend then I might take some stock in what they say. I don't think she would blurt it out to hurt you. She obviously had something to tell you and took the chance to do it. You dind't like what she said, and that's understandable. But maybe there is something in what she said and you don't see it. perhaps she knows something else that you don't. I don't want to jump to conclusions, but there must be something about your marriage that she sees or knows and now she's afraid to face you. give it time. Stop being so pushy on her. Let her know when she is ready to talk, you will be there to listen. Meanwhile, talk to your husband and ask why she would say such a thing.
1 person likes this
• United States
2 Aug 07
I will be talking to my hubby when we have a minute alone this evening thanks and hugs
@sid556 (30989)
• United States
2 Aug 07
I really hope I am wrong here but when I went thru something similar to this, it turned out that my friend knew something about my hubby that I did not. She also avoided me and it took me much preserverance until she finally broke and talked to me. It was hard for her as she did not want to hurt me nor did she want to hurt my marriage. Im sure there could be other explanations. She is your best friend of 40 years...there is an explanation. There is something she is not telling you.
• United States
2 Aug 07
I am thinking the same way and confronting hubby when we can be alone. thanks and hugs